:eek: 
LMFAO! That'll be MY POTW nominee this week! :rofl2:One has to submit an application to participate in this activity?
Some of the more popular "non-conventional techniques" as reported in a magazine I caught my receptionist reading when she should have been doing more important things:
**Split-finger masturbation. Says here in the article that it is highly effective for acquiring... ground balls. (?!) Most effective when delivered with a ¾ overhand motion.
**Knucle ball masturbation. Persons considering using this technique should heed the warning issued by a respected institution specializing in the study of human sexuality that subsequent clean-up will be overwhelming, if not impossible, to thoroughly complete. If insistant upon doing this act, the article recommends doing it in the shower or while standing over a catch basin during the rainy season.
**The Sinker. While being expediant and an efficient utilization of calories, it most celebrated for its benign effect on the environment, as no paper products are consumed, sparing both forrest and landfill alike, as well as eliminating handling, processing and the ever-escalating transportations costs that are incurred. One look at the price at the gas pump will convince you to use this method exclusively.
**Brush-back masturbation. The epitome of multi-tasking, where one literally "brushes back" the magazines on the nightstand to avoid the incoming salvo at the last second.
**Change up. This is perhaps the most sensible approach, as one does not want to needlessly over-exert one limb over the other, or to infer any underlying favoritism for one extremity over the other, and importantly, utilizing this technique would forestall that chance for injury, thereby causing one to undergo the much-dreaded Ronny Jeremy Surgery.
**The pitch-out. Favorite of the contortionist, its climactic moment is when the practicioner "ducks" his head out of the way to avoid the inevitible. Not recommended for beginners, the article advises.
**Two-seam fastball masturbation. More popular among the circumsized community. The four-seam variant has been gaining in appeal among transgendered individuals in recent years.
**Knock-down masturbation, also known as "beanball" masturbation. Rather unorthodox, and in some no pun intended circles, derided as being intolerable and a just cause for... ejection, it does maintain a noticeable number of enthusiasts. Experts caution the practicioner to avoid the usage of any lubricants to deter any harmfull abrading of collected dirt against the skin.
:hammer:
One has to submit an application to participate in this activity?
Some of the more popular "non-conventional techniques" as reported in a magazine I caught my receptionist reading when she should have been doing more important things:
**Split-finger masturbation. Says here in the article that it is highly effective for acquiring... ground balls. (?!) Most effective when delivered with a ¾ overhand motion.
**Knucle ball masturbation. Persons considering using this technique should heed the warning issued by a respected institution specializing in the study of human sexuality that subsequent clean-up will be overwhelming, if not impossible, to thoroughly complete. If insistant upon doing this act, the article recommends doing it in the shower or while standing over a catch basin during the rainy season.
**The Sinker. While being expediant and an efficient utilization of calories, it most celebrated for its benign effect on the environment, as no paper products are consumed, sparing both forrest and landfill alike, as well as eliminating handling, processing and the ever-escalating transportations costs that are incurred. One look at the price at the gas pump will convince you to use this method exclusively.
**Brush-back masturbation. The epitome of multi-tasking, where one literally "brushes back" the magazines on the nightstand to avoid the incoming salvo at the last second.
**Change up. This is perhaps the most sensible approach, as one does not want to needlessly over-exert one limb over the other, or to infer any underlying favoritism for one extremity over the other, and importantly, utilizing this technique would forestall that chance for injury, thereby causing one to undergo the much-dreaded Ronny Jeremy Surgery.
**The pitch-out. Favorite of the contortionist, its climactic moment is when the practicioner "ducks" his head out of the way to avoid the inevitible. Not recommended for beginners, the article advises.
**Two-seam fastball masturbation. More popular among the circumsized community. The four-seam variant has been gaining in appeal among transgendered individuals in recent years.
**Knock-down masturbation, also known as "beanball" masturbation. Rather unorthodox, and in some no pun intended circles, derided as being intolerable and a just cause for... ejection, it does maintain a noticeable number of enthusiasts. Experts caution the practicioner to avoid the usage of any lubricants to deter any harmfull abrading of collected dirt against the skin.
:hammer:
