The following should be entirely legal:
Go to a public pool and find an occurrence of someone leaving their personal items - shoes, beach towel, bag - on some of the pool chairs as a means of reserving them for their own use. I want to wait by such a pool chair which has been "reserved" through the use of shoe. When the person returns, I would scream "I STUCK YOUR SHOE IN MY ASS!!!!!!" and proceed to chase them around the pool area until they must jump into the pool to escape the lunatic in the Carolina Panthers Hawaiian shirt.
This is actually a breakdown of what I was originally going to write which I abandoned because I'm lazy. I was going to the make the above account be much more first person so it sounds like I'm talking about a situation I just had at a swimming pool where I had a dispute with someone reserving a pool chair. Everyone was supposed to imagine me at a pool this Memorial Day weekend and think 'Guess the old Yakster is traveling during the holiday weekend and is at a pool'. This would be inaccurate. Didn't travel this weekend. Just sitting at home alone. Why do I think about sticking a shoe in my rectum when I am sitting at home alone? Who can say?
Yes, I posted that in another link before posting it here. I have visions of people reading that one, then finding this one and assuming I'm some ballsack because I posted the same thing in multiple places? They seem me as some self-important douchebag who would post something in multiple places because I'm so wonderful. Well at least I'm aware of it.