broderic_randal
Closed Account
i live in a small town so i am not affraid
I have decided to become homeless
- Thread starter broderic_randal
- Start date
i live in a small town so i am not affraid
How do these people find these boards and for that matter why?
Are message boards through out the internet just littered with the overly detailed, surprisingly intimate glimpses into pathetic peoples lives whose only choice of outlet is to expose their inner mental workings on to the pages of message boards the world over?
Is it a cry for attention, a want for sympathy, advice or validation in what they are doing is right?
If a person stands atop a high building looking to leap from that ledge and end it all then do it, don't bullshit anyone, not us and especially not yourself. If you have to be, or can be talked down from that ledge you never meant to do it in the first place.
Your entire paragraph paints the picture to me of a person who is a quitter. It didnt work the first time so I gave up. I am this, I am that etc etc Spare me.
Who have you written this for, us to read or for yourself to help that self loathing by nit picking your own qualities or lack there of?
Are message boards through out the internet just littered with the overly detailed, surprisingly intimate glimpses into pathetic peoples lives whose only choice of outlet is to expose their inner mental workings on to the pages of message boards the world over?
Is it a cry for attention, a want for sympathy, advice or validation in what they are doing is right?
If a person stands atop a high building looking to leap from that ledge and end it all then do it, don't bullshit anyone, not us and especially not yourself. If you have to be, or can be talked down from that ledge you never meant to do it in the first place.
Your entire paragraph paints the picture to me of a person who is a quitter. It didnt work the first time so I gave up. I am this, I am that etc etc Spare me.
Who have you written this for, us to read or for yourself to help that self loathing by nit picking your own qualities or lack there of?
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
If you're almost 30 years old, then start acting like it.
I am 27 years old myself. A while back, when I was still in high school, I met a girl. Long story short; I fell in love, we dated for 3 years, I gave up absolutely everything (my future, my dreams) to be with her, I planned on marrying her, I bought an engagement ring...she dumped me. Why? Because she is a lesbian. She was only dating me so she could feel normal and accepted. I gave up everything I've ever worked for in my life just so I could be with her and she didn't even have the decency to tell me that she was a lesbian.
Time went by and I let myself fall into a deep depression. I hated everything. I thought my life was over and that I would never smile again. I woke up in the morning, went to work, came home, drank myself into oblivion, passed out, woke up the next morning and did it all over again. I let it get so bad that I tried to kill myself. I didn't want to hurt anymore, so I took a knife, put it up to my wrist and started cutting. And no, I didn't do it the "pussy" way and cut horizontally...I cut along the vein. I wanted to die. That is, until I saw the blood coming out. It's a fucking miracle that I'm even alive today.
It wasn't until I hit rock bottom that I could see just how childish, immature and stupid I was being. Nobody was there to tell me how fucking dumb I was being. I had to figure it out all on my own and I had to come to near death just to realize it. You're lucky...at least you have somebody to tell you to grow up, even if it's a complete stranger on an internet porn forum.
During the last year alone, other terrible things have happened in my life. I had to quit my job, put my career on hold and move back to Ohio to help take care of my dying grandmother. During that time, my family was informed that my grandmother had brain cancer, leukemia and Huntington's disease. Huntington's disease is a genetic disease that causes you to lose all control of your brain and bodily functions. Since it is a genetic disease, it can passed on to the carrier's children. My grandmother's daughters got tested and in this case, one of the children whom the disease was passed onto was my mother. My mom has Huntington's disease. She is in her 50's and has a 60% chance of developing untreatable cancer within the next few years. She also has a 70% chance of losing all control of her brain and bodily functions by the time she hits 65 years of age. On top of that, my mom has pre-existing heart problems which only makes the situation worse. My mom is fucked.
My dad had a heart attack a few years ago and his heart has recently started acting up again. For the past year or so, his heart has been causing him to experience severe mood swings and severe energy depletion. Long story short, my father's heart is shutting down and there is nothing that anyone can do to help him regain his health. He is basically just waiting for his heart to give out, causing him to die. My dad is also fucked.
I literally have no friends anymore. They're all back in Ohio where I grew up, so I'm here in Chicago all alone. I work 80-90 hour weeks, slave at work all day and bring home a whopping $300. I make shit for money, I have shit for free time, I have shit for a life. I wake up alone, I go to work and bust my ass for nothing, I come home to an empty apartment and when I go to bed at night, I go to bed alone. I haven't had a girlfriend in 6-7 years and I couldn't even tell you the last time I even kissed a girl, because it's been so damn long. You want to talk about alone? Welcome to my world.
My life sucks dude. I had to watch my grandmother die and now I have to watch my mom AND dad fade away as well, and, to make it even worse, there is no one here to pat me on the back and tell me that everything will be ok. My parents are the only two people that I "have" and I'm going to lose them a hell of a lot sooner than I should. Yet...I'm not crying about it. Yes, it sucks, but I'm not bitching and moaning and expecting people to feel sorry for me. I act like an adult, take it all in stride and deal with the bullshit as it gets tossed in my direction.
You aren't the only one who hurts and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll have a life that actually makes you happy. Quit pitying yourself and expecting people to cater to your feelings and your needs, because it's NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.
:2 cents:
broderic_randal
Closed Account
And this is why marriage and falling in love scares the holy fucking hell out of me. The last thing i want to do right now is fall in love with a female and then have her screw me over and dump me
it it really bad because I want affection and love from a female, but until i get that i am not going to fall in love.
you are right in saying that girls do not want to be with a guy like myself who is all cut up and treats himself like absolute fucking dirt
to me marriage is like a trap/jail, i really like how they portray marriage on Seinfeld in Kramer point of view
thats basically what i do, work, drink, smoke, work, drink, smoke
at first my family, friends and co workers told me that what i was doing was very very immature, childish, sick, disgusting, scary, harmful, awful, and that they were very afraid to have me around and that they were very afraid to speak to me, basically they told me they were walking on egg shells.
but being the idiot who i was, i never listen to what they say and i keep on drinking and smoking and cutting and doing drugs, and i just cant stop
My sister had cancer about a year and a half ago. It was one of those things that just happened out of the total blue. she had a lump on her neck and ignored it and finally my mother convinced her to go see the doctor and it turned out it was cancer and if she didnt do anything about it it was going to kill her. She went through hell for the next year with all the treatments and medications she lost a lot of weight and she just looks terrible these days
i dont think she is ever going to get back to being her normal self again
also
my father decided it was time to get some better life insurance because he was getting old. but he had to get all sorts of tests done to be able to qualify for the insurance. well the test results came back and we found out that he had a genetic disease call HEMACROMYTOSIS, which means he has way to much iron in his blood system. he had almost ten time the normal amount of iron in his blood. he fond out that it was the cause of many problems he had been havinf over the past years, such as gout, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, sore muscles and joints etc
so now he has to give blood twice a month, which just fucks him over
needless to say he told me to get tested and i did. I found out that i was a carrier along with my sister. i didnt have as much iron in my blood as my father did, but i was over the normal amount and now i have to give blood every other month, and it fucks me over as well.
so i am supposed to watch what i eat because so many foods are fortified with iron, but because who i am, i dont give a flying fuck. I figure my dad is 57 and he is not dead, so i dont have anything to worry about
My step dad was on a vacation in Asia when he had both of his heart attacks. he was on a plain flying from one destination to another, when he felt a pain in his chest. needles to say they had to make an emergency landing in China and rush him to the hospital. He was in the Chinese hospital for just over a month before he was medically cleared to get flown back home.
thank god he had good health insurance that covered a lot of the costs. the bill was more than $5000. plus neither my mother or step father could speak Chinese very well
not even a day after my mother and stepfather arrived home, he had another more serious heat attack, he ended up in the hospital and is still there right now.
this makes me really think. he was only about 150lbs and was in top physical condition, he runs every day, walks every where eats a very very healthy diet and takes his vitamins, he never smoke in his life and very seldom drank alcohol
then there is me, who is obese, eats a very terrible diet, and never exercises. I smoke and drink every day, and i do drugs, just imagine what is going to happen to me if i live to be as old as my father is
i havent had a girlfriend in almost 4 years, my longest relationship lasted a month and a half. and i found out that that girlfriend was cheating on me the whole time we were together. I have one close friend and he is not even that close . we hang out once every few weeks, and i have to beg and plead for him to come and hang out. when we do hang out we usually so shit all.
and dont forget he has to sneak out to hang out with me because his wife does not like him hanging out with we. I cant blame her, because i am a totally messed up guy
my sister lives a good four hour drive from where i live and my mother lives a good two hours and they are both very busy with there lives so i hardly see them. my father live close but he has told me he is very scared to be around me, and really who would blame him
all i ever do is work 10 hours a day three days a week and the rest of the time i just sit alone in my appartment and do terrible, nasty, disgusting, creepy, unforgiving things.
talk about being alone
I just recently moved out from living with my father and am now living on my own. which is the scariest thing i have ever had to do, even though i did it for two years earlier in my life, before my life started falling apart.
my best friend was my dog murphy, he was always there for me, and he never gave me any grief, he was the best friend that i ever had. and i will have to give him up at the end of the moth. know one can take him becuase everyone i know already has a pet or lives in an apartment or like my stepfather is deathly afraid of dogs.
RealMenSwallow
Closed Account
If you spend all your time sitting on this board whining about how sad and pathetic you think your life is, all the while you could be out there making friends, and doing fun FREE things, then I can't help but not feel sorry for you.
If all you do to everyone is dwell on how bad your life is, no one will want to hang out with you, pure and simple.
You need to do something. Go outside! This isn't a constructive form of help.
Just DO something. Anything. I don't fucking care what. Go walk around. Go stare at people at the park. Just don't sit around and cry yourself to sleep at night, and spend your whole life worrying, and wondering "Why me?" That's stupid pathetic bullshit, and no one will ever respect you, and no woman in her right mind dates a man she doesn't respect. So get out there, and live your life. This whiny bullshit is getting old. Fuck.
I have to be harsh because you don't seem to fucking listen to anyone but yourself whine. So grow a pair, get the fuck out there, and be somebody.
If all you do to everyone is dwell on how bad your life is, no one will want to hang out with you, pure and simple.
You need to do something. Go outside! This isn't a constructive form of help.
Just DO something. Anything. I don't fucking care what. Go walk around. Go stare at people at the park. Just don't sit around and cry yourself to sleep at night, and spend your whole life worrying, and wondering "Why me?" That's stupid pathetic bullshit, and no one will ever respect you, and no woman in her right mind dates a man she doesn't respect. So get out there, and live your life. This whiny bullshit is getting old. Fuck.
I have to be harsh because you don't seem to fucking listen to anyone but yourself whine. So grow a pair, get the fuck out there, and be somebody.
meesterperfect
Hiliary 2020
Well, I've been down so very damn long, that it looks like its up to me.
Been up and gone since I turned 17.....well actually 22.
The price I have paid......alot of fucking work.
While Almost all my friends .cousins and people I knew lived with thier families or got hooked up financially by someone.
Not one lived alone.
Now I'm in South America and its the same, I know not one person besides me that lives on their own.
So I know how tough it is financially to survive.
I guess the OP wants advice, here's mine.
# 1, move back in with your father if you can. Help each other financially plus take care of him too, like room mates.
Try to save some money..
#2 Buy a piece of shit car with the minimum insurance and look for a better job, a fresh start, and make the most of it.
Maybe a day job 5-6 days a week to give you some structure.
Maybe get a job driving a taxi, working long hours.
#3 Start taking care of yourself physically. Eat healthy 100% of the time. Get in shape.
Stop that ridiculous cutting of your body, stop drinking, cut back on the cigs and join a cheap gym and go almost everyday, or start running or riding a bike., that don't cost nothin. This is important.
If you can't stop the self mutilation or drinking or suicidal thoughts, go to the E.R. and tell them you need help, advice where to get help either free or very cheap.
# 4 Cut back on the wanking, get out of the house more, and think positive as much as possible.
You have, the POW-WA!!!
Thats it, good luck.
Been up and gone since I turned 17.....well actually 22.
The price I have paid......alot of fucking work.
While Almost all my friends .cousins and people I knew lived with thier families or got hooked up financially by someone.
Not one lived alone.
Now I'm in South America and its the same, I know not one person besides me that lives on their own.
So I know how tough it is financially to survive.
I guess the OP wants advice, here's mine.
# 1, move back in with your father if you can. Help each other financially plus take care of him too, like room mates.
Try to save some money..
#2 Buy a piece of shit car with the minimum insurance and look for a better job, a fresh start, and make the most of it.
Maybe a day job 5-6 days a week to give you some structure.
Maybe get a job driving a taxi, working long hours.
#3 Start taking care of yourself physically. Eat healthy 100% of the time. Get in shape.
Stop that ridiculous cutting of your body, stop drinking, cut back on the cigs and join a cheap gym and go almost everyday, or start running or riding a bike., that don't cost nothin. This is important.
If you can't stop the self mutilation or drinking or suicidal thoughts, go to the E.R. and tell them you need help, advice where to get help either free or very cheap.
# 4 Cut back on the wanking, get out of the house more, and think positive as much as possible.
You have, the POW-WA!!!
Thats it, good luck.
Will E Worm
Conspiracy...
His mental problem would help him too.
The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) defines "disability" as "a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more of the major life activities."
The ADA protects obesity as a disability.
NAAFA
meesterperfect
Hiliary 2020
Why are some of you telling him to get disability?
There's the answer, suck money from the system, from other peoples sacrifices.
And that will really help him out alot, sitting on his ass collecting a check.
I am 100% for taking care of truly disabled people, like someone with Down syndrome, but not this guy.
Its like a guy I knew who went to some GOV office to try to collect disability for attention deficit disorder.
When they asked him his name he said "What?"
And he got it.
Another guy I know threatened to kill his boss with a baseball bat, actually brought it to work.
He is now on permanent disabilty.
Anyway, I don't think this guy needs that.
There's the answer, suck money from the system, from other peoples sacrifices.
And that will really help him out alot, sitting on his ass collecting a check.
I am 100% for taking care of truly disabled people, like someone with Down syndrome, but not this guy.
Its like a guy I knew who went to some GOV office to try to collect disability for attention deficit disorder.
When they asked him his name he said "What?"
And he got it.
Another guy I know threatened to kill his boss with a baseball bat, actually brought it to work.
He is now on permanent disabilty.
Anyway, I don't think this guy needs that.
Will E Worm
Conspiracy...
It does sound like he has a problem. Not just physically.
I'd say he's had suicidal thoughts, like I've had.
So, he is covered by the ADA and so on.
Also, since he has paid into the Social Security system. He will not be taking from the government.
The government takes money from people all the time, in taxes.
You don't pay taxes, they are taken from your paycheck before you receive it.
Also, they are not legal. If people would take the time to research, they would find that out.
I need to try that. What?
ADD is a serious problem. Most people just don't understand unless they have it.
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
Every single person that has ever walked the face of the earth has had suicidal thoughts. Just because he has suicidal thoughts doesn't mean that he should get some sort of special treatment.
Shit, I actually followed through with my thoughts and slit my wrist, but I don't think that I deserve any sort of special treatment. I was a fucking idiot who didn't have somebody to tell me that I was being a fucking idiot.
This guy is ridiculously lucky, but he just doesn't know it yet. Hell, I wish somebody would've told me to grow the fuck up and deal with it when I was in my "poor me" state of mind. I didn't have that. All I had was pent-up confusion, festering anger and a fear of tomorrow. He should be thankful that he has somebody to call him out on his immaturity and foolishness, even if that somebody is some goon that lingers on the internet.
Will E Worm
Conspiracy...
That's a blanket statement. Not everyone has had them.
I'd say enough people have had them and other mental disorders for them to be covered. The ADA covers them and rightfully so.
I've already read about your girlfriend. She should have had the decency to tell you what she was, instead of using you.
That's why I ask questions before. I'm not going to let a female run or ruin my life. I'm bi-polar and bad things might happen.
That's not what I saw you post before.
I saw on the news a postal worker come into his work with a gun and he was wearing a gorilla suit with a dildo.
Going postal.
That's not what I saw you post before.
I saw on the news a postal worker come into his work with a gun and he was wearing a gorilla suit with a dildo.
Going postal.
Well I thought, if he does do it, it will come back to me lol
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
Everyone has had suicidal thoughts, everyone has had murderous thoughts, everyone has had homosexual thoughts, etc...
Some people have deeper thoughts than others and some of those people end up acting on their thoughts. But, everyone has those thoughts.
:2 cents:
That's not what I saw you post before.
I saw that too. Nice edit JIBBY. :thumbsup:
to the OP: Seriously, dude, get yourself to a hospital. I can't believe that no one has recommended that yet. Tell the people at the emergency room everything you told us here and they will admit you. It is not safe for you to leave until you have been evaluated by psychiatrists and therapists. They can get you the help you need. If they are worth their salt, they will not turn you loose until you are stable and able to take steps to better your situation.
But you have to be honest with them. No one on this board can help better than they can. You're crying for help, just need to direct those cries in the proper direction. You NEED hospitalization. I've been through this too, and I needed it too at one point. And I wasn't even as bad off as you are. Bite the bullet, swallow your pride and do what you have to do.
But you have to be honest with them. No one on this board can help better than they can. You're crying for help, just need to direct those cries in the proper direction. You NEED hospitalization. I've been through this too, and I needed it too at one point. And I wasn't even as bad off as you are. Bite the bullet, swallow your pride and do what you have to do.
Legzman
what the fuck you lookin at?
Seriously, you have no money-how do you afford cigs and beer? Quit that shit and start drinking water.
You said on your days off you dont leave the apartment and that you are over weight? So go on a couple walks a day. Go outside in the sunshine, get some fresh air, and you will feel better.
Find a support group in your town. You can meet people, and have people to talk to. [/b]
Once you stop drinking and smoking I bet you would have enough money for your bills
Have you ever smoked or been an alcoholic? If not then shut the fuck up! Its much easier to tell someone to quit smoking or drinking when you've never been addicted to either!
The rest of your advice is spot on though.
Topic creator, how ever much of a loner you think you are, I am more so. Trust me. I'm a 25 year old virgin with no girlfriend, no friends, and plays video games and watches anime all weekend. Life doesn't get better man, you just have to make do with what you've got. I can't get a girl to fuck me, so I masturbate to aniem girls all day. And trust me, I'm way more horny than you. I have cum stains, naked internet and maganzie pictures, and sex toys all over my apartment walls and floors. I never wear underwear, either. I'm like you except I don't smoke.
Some people say you shuld have hope. I say that's bullshit. Some people get it in life, and some don't simple as that. Watch the movie "Taxi Driver". It's literally the story of my life, minus the part where the girl says "yes" when he asks her out. There is no hope, and drinking's good to hide the pain. Watch the movie "The Mist". That movie explains what happens when one "hopes".
And to the person that said go to a support group, what good is that going to do? Go to a support group about people that can't get sex, just to get rejected by the girls that show up.
Some people say you shuld have hope. I say that's bullshit. Some people get it in life, and some don't simple as that. Watch the movie "Taxi Driver". It's literally the story of my life, minus the part where the girl says "yes" when he asks her out. There is no hope, and drinking's good to hide the pain. Watch the movie "The Mist". That movie explains what happens when one "hopes".
And to the person that said go to a support group, what good is that going to do? Go to a support group about people that can't get sex, just to get rejected by the girls that show up.
I dunno how deep your depressions are psychology and first poster but trust me things can change probably not dramatically but gradually. You have to put yourself in a position to make those changes and this include hope. Life is all about wanting what you dont have, ex: sex. Once you have sex it's not that memorable. I dont even remember what happen when I lost my virginity I only remember who. Try not to think about women. Just live your life one day at a time with little but good changes. If you cut yourself, try to cut yourself less. I cant tell you to cut back on masturbation cause I'm so guilty of that lol. Life is never fair;death is easy, living is hard. I dont have it that great either but the key for me is hope for better days and hope that I can eventually change to transition to those better days. Dont give up on yourself.
I highly doubt during your state of depression, had someone told you to quit acting like an fucking idiot in the terms that you put, it would pick you right up. I'm also pretty sure someone along the way did say your actions were idiotic just not using that exact term maybe selfish, immature, stupid. Maybe someone had not been there for you the way, you had hoped but i'm sure your parents must've said something during your errant period. Depression isnt simply cured by someone saying "stop being a fucking idiot" albeit how true the statement is.
