to the OP: Seriously, dude, get yourself to a hospital. I can't believe that no one has recommended that yet. Tell the people at the emergency room everything you told us here and they will admit you. It is not safe for you to leave until you have been evaluated by psychiatrists and therapists. They can get you the help you need. If they are worth their salt, they will not turn you loose until you are stable and able to take steps to better your situation.
But you have to be honest with them. No one on this board can help better than they can. You're crying for help, just need to direct those cries in the proper direction. You NEED hospitalization. I've been through this too, and I needed it too at one point. And I wasn't even as bad off as you are. Bite the bullet, swallow your pride and do what you have to do.