Three Amigos:
-Three beers, please.
- We only have tequila
-What's tequila
- It's like beer... but stronger
Lock, Stock and two Smoking Barrels
TOM: Listen to this one then; you open a company called the Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club. You take an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, sell it a bit with, er... I dunno, `does what no other dildo can do until now', latest and greatest in sexual technology. Guaranteed results or money back, all that bollocks. These dills cost twenty-five each; a snip for all the pleasure they are going to give the recipients. They send a cheque to the company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five. You put these in the bank for two weeks and let them clear. Now this is the clever bit. Then you send back the cheques for twenty-five pounds from the real company name, Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club, saying sorry, we couldn't get the supply from America, they have sold out. Now you see how many of the people cash those cheques; not a single soul, because who wants his bank manager to know he tickles arses when he is not paying in cheques!
Lock, Stock and two Smoking Barrels
RORY: Your one saving grace might be your stupidity.
NICK: Er.
RORY: Don't fucking er me, Greek boy! How is it that your so-fucking-stupid, soon-to-be-dead friends thought they might be able to steal my gear? And then sell it back to me? Is this a declaration of war? Is this some sort of white cunts' joke that black cunts don't get? 'Cos I am not fucking laughing, Nik-ol-as.
NICK: Er.
RORY: There are four interests I have, Nick. Football, music, money, and the annihilation of anybody who interferes with that shortlist... I know you couldn't have known my position because you're not so fucking stupid that if you did know, you would turn up here scratching your arse, with that `what's going on here' look slapped on your Chevy Chase. But what you do know is where these people live.
If you hold anything back, I'll kill you. If you bend the truth, or if I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill you. If you forget anything, I'll kill you. In fact, you're going to have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. I hope you understand everything I have said. Because if you don't, I'll kill you. Now, Mr Bubble and Squeak. You may now enlighten me.
