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Then he died. http://myfox8.com/2013/04/27/texas-inmate-shouts-wow-during-execution/ “Wow!” the inmate said loudly. “That is great. That is awesome! Thank you, warden! Thank you (expletive) warden!”

Touching Myself will never be the same again. RIP. http://music.yahoo.com/blogs/stop-the-presses/divinyls-singer-christina-amphlett-dead-age-53-070836306.html

We haven't done one of these for awhile and this is a Picker's Paradise. Hey, how 'bout buttermilk?

Maybe she should go back to the porno so she gets arrested less often. An idle snatch is the Devil's Workshop. http://www.tmz.com/2013/04/07/jenna-jameson-arrested-battery/

Are there any here? Couple things. Do you enjoy your job? What was the last job you had before you wanted to become a meter maid?

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nba-ball-dont-lie/magic-johnson-***-e-j-gay-parents-love-155040567--nba.html

Not many here have ****** a human, I assume. But, have you ever been kicking somebody's ass so bad you got hard?

I sure do.

Lisa Rinna first off.

Anybody got Jodi Arias' contact info? I always go for the crazy ones.

She's broke. Have at it. I wanna see a lesbian porn with Octomom. Wonder what the title would be. http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/casey-anthony-meets-creditors-meeting-18645795

I keep pick, pick, pickin' until I strike gold or oil.

Korean BBQ and KFC makes my butt gravy defy gravity. A 3 second **** with 10 minute wipe dabbing the back of my knees at the starting point. Did I mention how much I love Korean BBQ and KFC?

I got that part down pretty good but one last S made a U-Turn to come back and haunt me. Hadn't quite shaken all the ca-ca out before getting in the shower. Had my nice, hot shower then shaved my face and head. As I was drying myself my stomach started rumbling. Begrudgingly I sat back down...

What's more better; pulling out a Q-Tip from your ear that looks like a steamy caramel apple or looking down on your finger to see a bad boy booger with a ****** tail and a piece of brain stuck to the end?

Name something worse to spike a buddy's food with.

She's definitely getting offered cock from me. Like those upskirt shots right up the ebony twat. Harris is country as Hell and probably loves to ride the corncob.

I feed the stray cats too. I given them Nutro Max Chicken and sometimes some table scraps. But, my diet is high in rich foods and I shop at Gelson's Supermarket. I also eat a lot of exotic foods with interesting spices. Can flies get diarrhea themselves? Who would eat the fly diarrhea if the...

Anything more than 10 minutes and most of it might as well be soccer. All I need is a peek to Punish Percy. Being ****** with the porno on still kinda facing the TV when others walk in the room can be embarrassing.

What the heck is wrong with this guy? When you fire the two shots in the air from a side-by-side, it's proper to also announce that your *** is empty to the intruder. You're a dirty racist if you don't comply.

I've always thought I was better at assault but I've been caught doing that way more times than stealing. I've never been caught stealing. I don't think of myself as a good thief at all. I'm big, clumsy, and unsure about my larceny prowess. The only thing I do right is be awake while others *****.

I'm pretty good with milk but if I ***** a lot I can get clogged up. Drank like a quart the other night with some Chocolate Malt Ovaltine. Tastes great especially when you're stoned. Next morning I felt pressure then went to go sit on the toilet. Was like pinching off a soccer ball instead of...

I try to save money on the Charmin but my asshole is crusty like fried calamari and itches like all heck.

One of the most unfunny people out there. He tells a joke, ***** the panel with his eyes laughing at his own joke, then the other 4 laugh when LAUGH gets put on the teleprompter. I think he stays employed because he's controllable and not a loose cannon in the slightest. Don't care about his...

Which wins in a fight? Woops! Spelled John wrong.

Weird like someone else reaching back there helping you out. Even though the angle of the wiping has actually improved I'm looking forward to wiping with my trusty right hand again. Skid marks have been about the same.

I'm dropping some Advantage on the back of my neck before seeking adventure.

Just ate a bowl of Cheerios which triggered last night's Korean BBQ and now the place is fucked.

How many of these dingbats are out there? Just heard about the mail Scott Peterson gets. Sick bitches and their medicine cabinets full of orange pill bottles.

Afraid that you'll think they're too slutty if they enjoy it too much.

"Hey, get the lead outta yer ass! We're trying to buy weed!" I almost forgot it's because of him they let us in too. "Hurry up anyway!"

Jennifer Aniston has always been a good cure for Insomnia to me.

Frost is a better drummer than Axl Rose is a frontman.

Caught a reflection of my face in the monitor smiling back at the video.

Which will be the next internet sensation?

Even a squeaker is foul if it slips out in there. Dairy & Egg Flutter Farts are probably the worst and fun to trap a gal with in there with. Guard the door so no escape is possible.

I'd like to get both in that order but it's apples and oranges for me otherwise.

When you visit a hooker and she tells you how much she wants your cum but spits it out slyly, do you expect a partial refund?

Those were some nice oranges you sold me on the side of the road the other day. Feliz Navidad!

Nothing says Christmas like a chilling performance by Michael Rooker. Sorry Akira.

Y'all are some nice folks around here. Thanks for all the cards and letters and keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. Looked like my starfish had a brain tumor and now it's not much more than a red pimple.

I love prostitutes like nobody's business but I'm also a lazy cheap fuck who often stays home enjoying my weed and fiddling around with my wiener in the dark. Yesterday I spent a lovely afternoon with Lemon Drop but today I will have a cloud of dope in my head eventually reaching down inside my...

Over west of Olympic and Vermont. That stuff always plays tricks on my stomach. I think they put orange cones out in the street to try to divert traffic encouraging Pico as an alternate route.

Also Asian men, do you feel your women are not loyal to you and abandon you? In no way am I trying to be disrespectful. So many of your women get with us and marry us. As a White man, I'm not concerned with my women being with men of different races.

Who's climbed on top of more little boys?

Kinda stoned and really curious. If you're a little shy about the taste is there a preferred condiment that should be used?

Pretty much same difference but I pick I Spit On Your Grave. I think Screech was based on Matthew.

Who's better at air guitar? Nobody's better than Chuck Billy. He has a special mic-stand specially engineered to play air guitar. This ain't yer *****'s broomstick.

Dave Chappelle was great. Chris Rock is done. Forget about Eddie Murphy. Who is the next Redd Foxxx or Richard Pryor?