John Cena doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask John Cena what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he gives you a FU
Since 1978, the year John Cena was born, FU related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met John Cena.
John Cena once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high
school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the
referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. John
kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then
proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
When John Cena's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, John said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw
it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry
sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a
FU and said, "Never question John Cena."
John Cena's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
John Cena does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, John Cena instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.
John Cena built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, John met all three bullets with his
WWE Championship, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
John Cena sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled wrestling ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, John FU'd the devil and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.
A man once asked John if his real name is "Johnathan". John Cena did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
John Cena recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
John Cena can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
John Cena does not sleep. He waits.
John Cena once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
The chief export of John Cena is pain.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending ChucJohn Cena. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".
If you can see John Cena, he can see you. If you can't see John
Cena you may be only seconds away from death.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged
to death by John Cena.
John Cena took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity." then you are dead wrong.
John Cena uses a live rattle snake for a condom.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for John Cena to die before they attack.
John Cena's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF JOHN CENA!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f--k with Cena!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
John Cena appeared in the "Smakdown vs Raw 2006" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a FU. When asked bout this "glitch," Cena replied, "That's no glitch."
