shes not good enought for u dude, dont you take in personal hope u find some1 who treats u right.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I was...too nice???
- Thread starter horny nikka
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This is one of the greatest mysteries of the human existence. Why do girls usually reject the "nice guys?"
Well, unfortunately, a lot of girls grow up in an environment that is made up of terrible, unloving, mean-spirited, controlling, dominating and abusive boyfriends. Since people are usually more comfortable with what they are used to, they continue on throughout their lives somewhat wanting a boyfriend like that, because that is what they are the most comfortable with.
When a girl like that meets a nice guy who loves her, cares for her, respects her and treats her like gold, she is somewhat uncomfortable because she has never been treated as such. Since she isn't used to a guy like that, she will find herself to act unattracted to him, ending up claiming that he is "too nice", ultimately leaving him and ending the relationship.
It's ridiculously stupid, but it does sort of make sense. One of my ex-girlfriend's had been in previously abusive relationships before I met her. After we had dated for about 6 months, she began acting all weird around me. Well, she was expecting me to start treating her like shit, calling her dirty names and slapping her around. When I didn't start doing that, she got uncomfortable and didn't know how to handle it. She ended up leaving me because of it. Weird, but it makes sense in a very, very fucked up sort of way.
been told that twice before also. too nice. could not believe it.
I wouldn't worry about it man, younger women tend to want to be entertained, and even though they say women mature faster than men this hasn't been my experience living in the U.S. Most of the girls I see around here are the party type, and don't get out of this stage until they're around their 30's, so it's one guy to the next until then most of the time. If you are still young, I would just take this relationship as a learning experience, take what you can from it and move on, keeping in mind the most important thing of all, being yourself!
IsobelWren
Official Checked Star Member
I'm glad that you're not the guy I broke up with! I would have felt really bad for you then. Now I feel really bad for her. The stuff your'e saying now makes me really think that she's got some mental problems. Like you're saying. Bipolar.
You're lucky to be rid of her. Whatever excuse she used was good enough because it got her out of your life! lol
IsobelWren
Official Checked Star Member
I didn't say that there should be drama, I'm saying that a person should have his own opinions. If I say, "where would you like to go tonight?" and he responds with, "I don't know, where do you want to go?" that's boring and passive. If he says, "I think we should pull out of Iraq right now" and I respond with, "Really? I think that we need to maintain a presence there until they can stand on their own." and he says, "Oh yeah, or that too." that's just not interesting. He needs to have his own thoughts, not just acquiesce to mine because he thinks that's polite.
A person's relationship should be based on what they want to do. If there are two people who enjoy staying home together, then they should do that. If there are two people who want to go out and do things but who stay home and watch TV together all the time because one doesn't want to "enforce" his will on the other, well that sucks.
IsobelWren
Official Checked Star Member
:rofl: Yes! Passive people DO fall flat!
There's a whole continuum of personality between "Nice Guy" and "self involved punk". What I'm saying (but may not have been too clear on) is that there's a difference between a nice guy (a man who is a real man, an great human being worth having) and the "Nice Guy" who *thinks* he's a great guy who is just not getting the chicks because "girls like bad boys" when he's really a passive douche who is full of bitterness, anger and resentment. Girls can smell that guy coming a mile away.
Will E Worm
Conspiracy...
You feel bad for her?
Nice guys are not "passive." I don't know where you came up with that made up idea.
A nice guy is a real man who knows how to treat a female, like a person instead of a piece of meat or sex object.
I don't believe you know what you're talking about. Nice guys are the only real men and the "bad boys" are the self-absorbed "douches." If women could see anything ahead of time there wouldn't be so many single mothers and females who
date guys who treat them like dirt. Most don't see anything coming their way.
Shyness is passive aggressive?
From what I remember of when I was single (a long, long time ago), I was sometimes like that. I mean, I would look at a girl in a way that made it clear I was interested, but I was too shy to actually talk to her. It wasn’t because I was trying to be “nice.” I knew that wasn’t the way guys were expected to behave. But I couldn’t think of how to approach her or what to say, or I was ashamed to show how socially maladroit I was, or I felt like she couldn’t possibly be interested because she was out of my league. I expect that if I were single today, I would be even shyer: today showing how socially maladroit you are is not just embarrassing; in many contexts, it can get you sued for sexual harassment.
In this respect I’m not sure Girleese is all that different from standard English. “Nice”=euphemism for “boring”. Almost whenever anyone uses the word “nice” in its positive form, without any context, it is a blatant example of damning with faint praise. It can be a genuine complement if the context makes it one. For example, if the context makes the person sound interesting (“Isobel must confuse the hell out of Santa Clause: she’s so nice, and she’s so naughty”), or if the context describes other good characteristics the person has (“He’s so intelligent, and he’s so nice.”) But if the best thing you can think of to say about someone is that they’re nice, that’s rather more insulting than complimentary.
I should point out, breaking up with a guy because he’s “too nice” is kind of like people who cancel their memberships to your site when something goes wrong. I mean, if they told you what the real problem is, you might be able to fix it, and even if you couldn’t, you could think about improving it in the future, so that future members won’t cancel. I guess when you break off a relationship, you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, so you say, “You’re too nice,” or, “It’s not you; it’s me.” But it’s kind of a shame that people say things like that instead of giving constructive criticism.
Yet, in a twist of sad irony, they can't smell an obvious abuser, piece of shit, loser or overall douchebag, even if they're right under their nose.
You mean like while they're deepthroating? :1orglaugh :blowjob:
I think women dont understand the difference between confidence & arrogance.
They always say they like men with confidence but end up with an arrogant dick!
The bottom line is, There is someone out there waiting for u 2 sweep her off her feet. She aint gonna come lookin.
They always say they like men with confidence but end up with an arrogant dick!
The bottom line is, There is someone out there waiting for u 2 sweep her off her feet. She aint gonna come lookin.
I always hear this people telling me "i'm a nice great guy i am" but apprently chick go after the guys who are assholes. And some how you end up always hearing about ..."hes suck an asshole cause he foes blow and beats me up"..yeah well the nice guy knows better maybe you should have thought of that.
I end up asking myself why i give a fuck?? well cause thats who i am...fucking sad sometimesukey:
I end up asking myself why i give a fuck?? well cause thats who i am...fucking sad sometimes
ukey:
she let you down easy bro...i hate to say this...but she prolly found a bigger better fish to fry....been there done that got tshirt.......i always found out a few days later she was getting naked with someone else,,,,,sad but so..............one more thing ...if she loved you..you couldnt run her off
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I think it’s a mistake to classify people as passive. People have some things that they get excited about and other things that they don’t get excited about. If you talk to them about things in the latter category, they seem passive and boring, but it’s not a characteristic of the person; it’s a characteristic of the subject matter as it relates to the person.
The stuff about “Where would you like to go tonight?” sounds eerily familiar. My wife will be like, “Where do you want to go for dinner tonight?” And I’ll be like, “I don’t know, where do you want to go?” And she’ll be like, “I don’t know, where do you want to go?” And I’ll be like, “I don’t know, where do you want to go.” And she’ll be like, “I don’t know, where do you want to go.” And so on....
When I say it, the translation of “I don’t know, where do you want to go?” is “This is boring and I don’t give a shit. I have better things to occupy my mind than deciding what restaurant to go to, so I’m delegating that responsibility to you. And if you choose not to accept that office, then we can go to Fiorella’s like we always do.”
Now if you ask me what do we need to do to fix the economy, you’d better believe I’ll have an opinion (aggressive long-horizon price-level targets and massive public investment), and if you don’t agree with me, I’ll tell you why you’re wrong. Macroeconomics is something I get excited about; restaurants are not.
Or if my wife asks, “Do you want to see [insert name of movie]?” I’ll look it up on Metacritic and Rotten Tomatoes and see who liked it, and if Entertainment Weekly and The Village Voice both gave it mediocre reviews and Ebert was less than completely gushing about it, I’ll figure, why should I waste two hours of my life watching a film that will probably suck when I could be doing something fun (like doing a Google search for “Isobel Wren”+”forum”). So then I have a definite answer.
The point is, if you only encountered me in situations where I don’t get excited about things or don’t have strong opinions, you’d think I was passive and boring. But there are people who encounter me in other situations who don’t think that.
I don’t understand that. How can someone who is bitter and angry and resentful still think of himself as a nice guy, unless he’s really out of touch with his own feelings? I mean, I’m bitter and angry and resentful a lot of the time, and when I’m in that kind of mood, I sure as hell wouldn’t let anyone accuse me of being nice.
Personally, though, I think if I were a girl I would go for guys who are bitter and angry and resentful (as long as they’re aware of those feelings, and as long as they don’t take them out on me personally too much) rather than guys who are nice. Like I said in my last post, nice (often even when it’s meant sincerely) is a euphemism for boring. Or sometimes nice is a euphemism for “artificial” – like someone who always acts friendly and enthusiastic and you haven’t got a clue what their real feelings are or even if they have any. It really annoys me that girls go for guys like that (and that guys go for girls like that). If anything the problem is that girls do like nice guys.
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megamonkey
Closed Account
She's likely insecure and takes good things for granted. There is a chance she will crawl back when she realises she can't have things her way all the time outside your relationship, but certainly don't take her back should it happen. No guy should become a girls 'fallback' plan. When she grows up a bit she'll probably look back and regret losing something good in her life.
