We all reap what we all sow ...
She said that she didn't like being treated well. She said that it was too "perfect", since we never had any arguments and neither of us did anything wrong. And she also told me that she was used to dating bad guys, or more adventerous guys- risk-takers.
She wants excitement. If you really like her, find a way to give it to her. Every woman likes to be surprised, spontaneous actions, by her lover.
If you already surprised her and made her feel special, then I'd say you did your job, and it's something else.
We had only been dating for 4 and a half months; it really frustrated me when she told me this, because I just felt like I gave myself to her for the right reasons, and even that wasn't good enough. I've honestly never broken up with someone because of this, usually it was just a lack of attraction...but being too nice? C'mon!
Hey, it's her values. They are what they are. They may turn out to be poor ones in her own mind. So be it.
I can understand that she's used to dating bad guys, but it scared me when she said she didn't like being treated well, as if she was used to being treated like dirt by her ex's. So what do you guys think?
I think you're analyzing too much. You're not going to figure her out or read her memory. She's made her decision.
I assume you already asked her what you could do to be more "bad" in her mind. Sometimes it's hard to take a complement and then get to the heart of the matter. It takes two in a relationship, and that means it can't all be about "you're good, I want you to be bad."
There's more to it. You're probably not going to get that out of her now, but just move on. Hell, if it's really about "being bad," as much as this is going to sting her, sleep with some other women. Maybe it'll shock her. Don't know, but have fun for a bit! You've given enough of your heart!
Just be sure you're sleeping with the other woman, and not her or -- worse yet -- in spite of her. Enjoy life. There are plenty of women. Maybe she is the one. Time will tell.
Were her reasons valid, and am I just being bitter? Also, talk about your past break-ups and why they ended.
There is no validity to anything when it comes to relationship, they are what they are. She has her values. They aren't going to get changed by anything you say.
And, besides, there are worse things to be bitter about. I mean, how would you like to be a gal or guy accused of domestic abuse, have issues with child custody, etc...? There's always things that can trigger major bitterness, so it's best to learn to control bitterness when it's small.
You're in good shape. If she's happy, that's all that matters. Don't be her door mat if she's not. She's left you so you're not hers to confide in more than a small amount. If she wants to confide with you further, as she's "with the bad boys in bed," then you
What?
That's not the reason. She probably just lied because she found someone else.
Females would be better off looking for nice guys and avoiding "bad" boys.
You are better off. If she wants a "bad" boy she will get what she deserves.
She sounds like a professional bs artist.
A little less demonic, she reaps what she sows. If she cannot be honest, she may have issues in her future. All women do. How women justify it comes in many ways.
Maybe she is justified (see below on some reasons why). I don't know. But in reality, she's reaping what she sows.
I think the bottom line is that the majority of girls are don't know what they want and make bad decisions because they don't know. From the sounds of this girl, I'd be willing to bet money she was getting some on the side
Maybe she was. And if that's the case, and she can't admit it even ex post facto, damn that's the answer, by far!
They say a higher percentage of males cheat than females, but i just don't buy it.
That statistic is rather dated. It's always been proportional to the income of the demographic. It's been pretty even in studies done on '90s statistics -- both for those who cheat only a few times and those who cheat as regular policy.
About the only difference is average number of partners over their lifetime -- 2.3-2.9 in the case of women, all over 6 in the case every male study I've seen, done in the '90s. Now that might be more skewed because most studies on lifetime statistics are based on those age 25-45, so they would have been based on women in high school and college in the '70s and '80s.
So I'd be interested to see new studies in the '00s of the US where women and men were in high school and college of the '80s and 90s. I know number of partners for men are down, as they have less sex with shorter-term women. Teenage pregnancy is also a big relation here.
Any girl who can honestly say she has never cheated on someone has a very special and unique thing going for her.
Same with any man, as it says more about honesty and trust than anything else. If you cannot tell someone you want to fuck someone else, to their face, beforehand, there is a bigger issue. Hell, some people try to justify it with a call over the phone.
As always, it's never about right/wrong, it's only about consideration, honesty, truthfulness.
Had the exact same thing happen to me once. Too nice. Told me over a very good italian dinner, half way through. I wanted to punch her in the face.
Ahhh, and you wonder why gals are inhibited to tell the guy the truth?
She even took the left overs home.
But the question is, would you have cried as you ate them?
And maybe, just maybe, she went home, ate those leftovers and then had the real conversation with you, without you being there?
Oh, the questions and ideas that come to mind.
We are men. We're very emotional. Women don't know how to handle us sometimes. They are chicken. But can you blame them sometimes?
Because some of the ones that aren't, well, sometimes they are (wrongly) reminded they are, on average, only 2/3rds our weight and strength. Even if we do not, there is always that fear.
All it takes is one, physical, asshole male in their past to instigate that fear which is hard to get over. And that's why they decide to always do it in a public place from then on.
Frankly, how I reacted was totally unexpected when they've done it to me in the past. I've had no less than a half dozen girlfriends ask me back, and only the first time did I make that mistake of saying "yes."
Honesty was not at the foundation of our relationship, and I was better off without them. I made love to a couple later, but each and every time, A) I ensured they were with no one else and B) they damn well knew I wasn't interested in getting back with them.
Girls dont want nice guys until AFTER they are a single mom at 35.
That's actually a narrow selection of peers. I.e., woman that are single moms and openly profess they want to find a husband at 35+ may be that stereotype you describe. But you can find plenty of single moms at many ages, including 35+, that do not want husbands or are "waiting for the right man for them," and have very different attitudes as well.
If a woman doesn't think you're the right man for her, she's right in her mind. If she later turns out to be wrong in her mind, so be it. You're not going to convince her otherwise and sterotyping her is only going to bolster her attitude, as well as reduce her view of yourself, for good reason.
I was that guy in high school. I was the nice guy... very cordial, respectful, but VERY passive. Girls walked ALL over me and broke up with me.
But then.....
I joined the Marine Corps...and my life changed forever.
A few years into my first enlistment( I was 20 yrs old), I ran into one of the girls who dumped me for being a nice guy. She found out I was a Marine and thought I was "suddenly" exciting and wanted me. I thought, alright. I fucked her as thoroughly and as hard as I could. I made her do it all, deep throat, anal, and a facial. I treated her like a dirty whore. (I was a kid, forgive me!)
The next moring she told me I was the best she ever had and wanted a relationship... I told her she was "to clingy" and that my left hand was better than she was.
HERE'S THE REALLY FUNNY PART......
She told her friends and they started calling me... they wanted to go out with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I completely treated this girl like trash and she wanted MORE( so did her friends). I was completely turned off and dismayed, that these girls were so wacked in the head.
She thought you were a good, confident lay. Honestly, some women don't want all the emotion of men in bed. We're emotional strains at times in bed. I know I am!
Especially with my wife! I still won't sleep with her when she's drunk, I won't have make up sex and I still won't force her physically in ways she likes. She openly complains about me "not being aggressive enough." At the same time, it's one of those things she loves and can feel comfortable with me about.
Now if my wife sleeps on me because she wants someone more aggressive, that means I have other issues. For one, I've openly told her that I'd do anything she wants. If she wants a second lover in bed because I cannot satisfy, I'm willing. If she wants me to do certain things and she is explicit, I'm always open.
If my wife feels she can't be honest, or worse yet, wants me to "read her mind" without me telling her, she's married the wrong guy. In that case, I'd have my answer. Ironically, all her friends think I'm more spontaneous and thoughtful than anyone they know, outside of bed alone. So I think I've got some things right and make many aspects of our lovemaking right in bed too.
But she is always open to tell me anything. She does not live in fear of how anything will hurt me. If there is one thing I could tell any guy, if women can feel comfortable and tell you anything without fear of your emotions running rampant, that's one, great bond to have with a woman. I know my marriage is not perfect. I know my wife may not want to "have to tell me" something, in or out of bed, sometimes. But I know she does trust that she can tell me anything.
As I got older, I learned to appreciate the women that appreciated me, for who I was, not for who they wanted me to be or thought I was.
If that ain't the damn truth. Be yourself and don't worry about getting some or not, being alone or not, etc... Ultimately how you are alone is also how you are with others, because you're still the same person.
I distinctly remember Erica Rose Campbell (among others) saying she never heard an end to guys that would confide, "if I only had a girl like you." We are the same, regardless of our circumstances.
And...females wonder why they are alone and no one wants to marry them.
Take a guess. :spin:
And men as well. We're fickle too.
What I'm saying (but may not have been too clear on) is that there's a difference between a nice guy (a man who is a real man, an great human being worth having) and the "Nice Guy" who *thinks* he's a great guy who is just not getting the chicks because "girls like bad boys" when he's really a passive douche who is full of bitterness, anger and resentment. Girls can smell that guy coming a mile away.
Truth.
I discussed similar in this response to this thread:
A question to those that have/had girlfriends
http://board.freeones.com/showthread.php?p=2933535
A lot of gals and guys are filled with bitterness, anger and resentment. You reap what you sow. You not only need to avoid those feelings, but learn to avoid men and women that have the same.
You're not getting fucked as much as others, get over it. You're not having as many lovers as others, get over it. It's all attitude.
How many gals and guys would take advantage of a woman they wanted when they were drunk that they could otherwise not have sober? And when I say "take advantage," I don't mean that in a "violation" way. I mean in a "don't I really want her to want me when she's sober?" self-evaluation.
I didn't shed the "nice guy" attitude early in high school. I was who I was and associated whom I wanted to, putting all the other bullshit aside. Instead I shed the envy, attitude and non-sense "feel sorry for myself" when it came to women by about 15.
Now if I could have only done that with my parents instead of taking until about 19-21.
I don’t understand that. How can someone who is bitter and angry and resentful still think of himself as a nice guy, unless he’s really out of touch with his own feelings?
A shitload of guys are!
Com'mon! Too many of us "feel sorry for ourselves," let's face it and not "sugar coat" it. Get over it. That's what people do. They move on. They don't let emotions get in the way of what they really want and what really matters, which means people actually think before they speak.
I know, it's hard to do. But if hurt is driving you to say and do things, then that's a poor sign. Likewise, be willing to accept people and, more importantly, recognize when a woman cannot be honest enough or otherwise evaluates your relationship poorly enough that she's not worth your bother.
I'll never forget the time I was really disappointed in a girlfriend. When she was breaking up with me, I fucking said it. "Well, you're a great lay and I know how much you love how I eat you out, so can we still have sex every now and then?" She threw water at me and left. She then called me 2 weeks later. Unfortunately, she treated it too much like make-up sex. It was too emotional for her. I recognized that right after the first time. But other, former girlfriends, they found comfort and compatibility without the emotion.
