My girlfriend broke up with me because I was...too nice???

[STDiva]

God forbid someone enjoy a drama-free and stressful life. There's no reason there should be drama in a relationship. At all. If he agreed to her arguments sides like you said, then it probably wasn't that serious to begin with. Why go through all of that drama over something petty? There's no point. Also, there's nothing wrong with sitting around the apartment watching movies. A person's relationship should not be based on "going out" and having "adventures" like society dictates you should.

If the topic creator speaks the truth, then having someone break up with you because you were too nice is total bullshit. There's no way in the world I would ever break up with a girl because she was "too nice". Were are all adults. There's no times for games. My parent's have been together for about 35 years, and have been married for 25 years. Very rarely do they ever argue. All of these women that complain that their boyfriends treat them like shit, yet continue with the relationship and in many cases have their lazy boyfriends stay in their apartments (like the girl I work with) are fools, plain and simple. Don't ask for a nice, respectful guy and then whine or reject him when you find him.QUOTE]

Truth.

Girls dont want nice guys until AFTER they are a single mom at 35.

 

[NavyBlue]

What? :1orglaugh

That's not the reason. She probably just lied because she found someone else.

Females would be better off looking for nice guys and avoiding "bad" boys.

You are better off. If she wants a "bad" boy she will get what she deserves.

She sounds like a professional artist.

^This. She's using a BS excuse to break up with you so she can date that new guy she's found. Just forget her and move on. If she likes to date a guy who treats her badly then so be it.

 

[Gordar]

Change chimpanzees in the following article with humans & you've hit the nail straight on it's head. Humans show a similar kind of behavior when boys 'form alliances' (or, better put, do everything they can to stay on the good side of the most popular guy).

http://primatology.net/2007/08/15/the-alpha-male-and-his-wingmen/

Now read the following article.

http://www.janegoodall.org/news/article-detail.asp?Entry_ID=542

You're obviously not one of the bullies, but did you give the girl that extra bit of attention (you don't have to groom her...)? Girls, both amongst chimps & humans usually choose the best option they can get & since there's still a part of our brain which tells us that the most popular man/girl is the best option for us (even though this is not always true) that's what we usually (try to) go for, as he/she stands out above the rest.

 

[whatshisname]

we never had any arguments

From this I take it that you weren't living together.

Girls (and for that matter, guys), if you have the same problem with your relationship, don't worry. Time will heal it. And if time doesn't do the trick, cohabitation surely will. As a last resort, You Might have to try marriage. Marriage is 100% effective in curing lack of arguments.

 

[Timbobjambo]

Is this your first relationship?

She just needed an excuse to breakup don't worry about it and get on with your life.
If you really are a nice guy you find another girl.

 

[Peter Gazinya]

God forbid someone enjoy a drama-free and stressful life. There's no reason there should be drama in a relationship. At all. If he agreed to her arguments sides like you said, then it probably wasn't that serious to begin with. Why go through all of that drama over something petty? There's no point. Also, there's nothing wrong with sitting around the apartment watching movies. A person's relationship should not be based on "going out" and having "adventures" like society dictates you should.

If the topic creator speaks the truth, then having someone break up with you because you were too nice is total bullshit. There's no way in the world I would ever break up with a girl because she was "too nice". Were are all adults. There's no times for games. My parent's have been together for about 35 years, and have been married for 25 years. Very rarely do they ever argue. All of these women that complain that their boyfriends treat them like shit, yet continue with the relationship and in many cases have their lazy boyfriends stay in their apartments (like the girl I work with) are fools, plain and simple. Don't ask for a nice, respectful guy and then whine or reject him when you find him.

That's not what she was saying. She was saying the guy was a dead brain lump of shit who sat around the house all day watching TV and doing nothing else.

Any guy like that doesn't deserve female companionship any more than he deserves a playstation 2.

 

[Will E Worm]

Guh. Okay. Being a girl who has broken up with a "too nice" guy before, I can translate this one from Girleese to real human English. "Too Nice" is like "Nice Guy". Nobody is ever a Nice Guy. He's a passive aggressive dick who sits by and eyes you while he "waits" and watches the girl pick the right guy. She knows he wants her, she also knows he's not going to step up to the plate and she resents his passive aggressive behavior.

She broke up with you because you were passive and boring. Now, you may not be passive and boring to all women, but to her you were. She was bored and she wanted out and she couldn't think of anything else to tell you. Maybe you guys didn't go anywhere interesting together,

The classic whine, "You never take me anywhere."

Yes, there are nice guys, every guy is not a self-involved punk.

So, the "passive" argument falls flat.

God forbid someone enjoy a drama-free and stressful life. There's no reason there should be drama in a relationship. At all. If he agreed to her arguments sides like you said, then it probably wasn't that serious to begin

If the topic creator speaks the truth, then having someone break up with you because you were too nice is total bullshit.

I agree. Relationship should be drama free they will be better off for it.

The "too nice" argument falls flat, as well.

Don't ask for a nice, respectful guy and then whine or reject him when you find him.QUOTE]

That's a huge whine from women. Then they find a guy like that and treat him like dirt.
Not all, but too many.

^This. She's using a BS excuse to break up with you so she can date that new guy she's found. Just forget her and move on. If she likes to date a guy who treats her badly then so be it.

Yes, a new guy. Because she can't make up her mind.
I doubt she has figured out how to use her brain.

 

[horny nikka]

Guh. Okay. Being a girl who has broken up with a "too nice" guy before, I can translate this one from Girleese to real human English. "Too Nice" is like "Nice Guy". Nobody is ever a Nice Guy. He's a passive aggressive dick who sits by and eyes you while he "waits" and watches the girl pick the right guy. She knows he wants her, she also knows he's not going to step up to the plate and she resents his passive aggressive behavior.

She broke up with you because you were passive and boring. Now, you may not be passive and boring to all women, but to her you were. She was bored and she wanted out and she couldn't think of anything else to tell you. Maybe you guys didn't go anywhere interesting together, maybe she wasn't into the sex, maybe you agreed with her all the time, maybe she just wanted a little conflict, a little adventure. The guy I left for being "too nice" I didn't understand why I was unhappy (I was only 19) because there was nothing "wrong", I just hated it and needed to get out. We only sat around at his house and watched TV (which was perfectly nice, but boring). We never went anywhere, the sex was uninspired (but nice), when we began to argue he'd cave to everything I wanted (which was the "nice" thing to do, but way too passive). The relationship wasn't two people coming together. It was me, and a half formed human being who didn't have his own interests, dreams, or opinions.

Now, I can only speak for myself and the few friends I know who have left "too nice" people, but it's never because someone's too nice, it's because the person is too passive. If you know that you're not a passive guy, then pass on her! She's clearly got issues if she feels that she needs to be with someone who treats her poorly. If you continue getting this response and you know you're not a human doormat, you're dating the wrong people.

Well I'm nothing like the guy you described, and I wouldn't say I'm far off from being passive, but I'd have a long road ahead of me.

We did go to a number of places: the movies, skating, lunch, etc. Like most relationships, it was all good in the beginning- we were always laughing, holding each other, and I could hold a conversation pretty well with her (the 10 seconds of silence seldom occured). It wasn't until a week and a half or so before we broke up when she started getting moody and acting all bi-polar. One minute we were talking on the phone talking to each other, and everything seemed all right. Then the next day she would act grumpy and upset at me, and I would have absolutely no clue as to why she was in that particular mood. She never had any problems at home, so I would always assume that it was my doing. Even when we texted each other she began to use one-liners, which just frustrated me even more.

Also, this was my 5th relationship, and the previous girls I dated didn't have a pattern as awkward and convaluted as hers.

 

[Demonyx]

Men and women are both largely instinctual or at least emotionally driven despite our large brains. Women need men to challenge them, create drama, and exhibit self confidence, in order to sustain attraction to men. To inspire women you either have to be a "bad boy" or a "real man."

You have three options in the face of this unending female demand:

1) Be a Bad Boy (aka asshole) i.e. create challenge, drama, and confidence via the "dark triad" of A) narcissism, B) Machiavellianism, and C) psychopathy

2) Be a Real Man i.e. create challenge, drama, and confidence via the "light triad" of A) mature and healthy independence, B) ethical and disciplined achievement, and C) self actualization/development

3) Or sit alone and jerk off to freeones

:glugglug:
Demo


PS - To the original poster: some times no matter what you do you can't please someone, in those cases it really "is her and not you"

PPS - 90% of women and 75% of men under 25 are bat shit crazy - could be you just need to wait a few years

 

[Will E Worm]

PPS - 90% of women and 75% of men under 25 are bat shit crazy - could be you just need to wait a few years

For what? For the woman he marries to have "slept" around and he gets sloppy 32nds? :throwup:

Not that all women "sleep" around. I have found a few that haven't.
But, not that many.

 

[GeseppEisonhawk]

oh, I've had that, how 'bout not even getting a date because of being too nice... better just must keep them guessing another four years bru...

 

[Ceska]

As the saying goes .... the woman is always right.
The polite thing to do is always, always give her what she wants.

http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p247/dpaulhess/l_abecc2d7b95a45b7b360a234433d00ad.gif

 

[stampede2873]

I was that guy in high school. I was the nice guy... very cordial, respectful, but VERY passive. Girls walked ALL over me and broke up with me.

But then.....


I joined the Marine Corps...and my life changed forever.

A few years into my first enlistment( I was 20 yrs old), I ran into one of the girls who dumped me for being a nice guy. She found out I was a Marine and thought I was "suddenly" exciting and wanted me. I thought, alright. I fucked her as thoroughly and as hard as I could. I made her do it all, deep throat, anal, and a facial. I treated her like a dirty whore. (I was a kid, forgive me!)

The next moring she told me I was the best she ever had and wanted a relationship... I told her she was "to clingy" and that my left hand was better than she was.


HERE'S THE REALLY FUNNY PART......

She told her friends and they started calling me... they wanted to go out with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I completely treated this girl like trash and she wanted MORE( so did her friends). I was completely turned off and dismayed, that these girls were so wacked in the head.

As I got older, I learned to appreciate the women that appreciated me, for who I was, not for who they wanted me to be or thought I was.

You'll learn this too. But it doesn't hurt to keep things "interesting" either.

 

[T_C]

She said that she didn't like being treated well. She said that it was too "perfect", since we never had any arguments and neither of us did anything wrong. And she also told me that she was used to dating bad guys, or more adventerous guys- risk-takers.

We had only been dating for 4 and a half months; it really frustrated me when she told me this, because I just felt like I gave myself to her for the right reasons, and even that wasn't good enough. I've honestly never broken up with someone because of this, usually it was just a lack of attraction...but being too nice? C'mon!

I can understand that she's used to dating bad guys, but it scared me when she said she didn't like being treated well, as if she was used to being treated like dirt by her ex's.

So what do you guys think? Were her reasons valid, and am I just being bitter? Also, talk about your past break-ups and why they ended.

Look, I've heard of this a bit from friends and people I know. I reckon the girl's reasons are just shit. I mean who doesn't want a perfect relationship? What's so wrong about not fighting? Wth. I understand the not being adventurous part but being treated too nice? What kind of reason is that to break up? So yeah I agree with others on this one. If she liked being treated like shit, then no big loss for you mate.

 

[duster]

Sounds like her problem not yours. Keep doing what ur doing

 

[Will E Worm]

I completely treated this girl like trash and she wanted MORE( so did her friends). I was completely turned off and dismayed, that these girls were so wacked in the head.

And...females wonder why they are alone and no one wants to marry them.

Take a guess. :spin:

 

[stampede2873]

And...females wonder why they are alone and no one wants to marry them.

Take a guess. :spin:

:dunno:

 

[Will E Worm]

:dunno:

Because of the way they act and the way they let themselves be used.

Then after all that they want to settle down with a nice guy.
If he is intelligent he will reject them. :hatsoff:

 

[Madilson]

you can't be nice all the time, girls like being spiced up sometimes.

 

[Will E Worm]

you can't be nice all the time, girls like being spiced up sometimes.

You mean yelled at and treated like dirt? :spin:

No, drama queens need apply.

You can be nice and treat the one you say you love with respect all the time.
It is not a difficult task. :hatsoff: