If you were Forced to Cage Fight against a Lion, Silverback Gorilla, or Grizzly?

[PJpenny]

I'll fight a bear. They're the slowest of the 3 so at least I'd have a chance to dodge his attacks.

 

[~~whimsy~~]

Lion. Just grab a chair or anything that looks like a mouth bigger than the lion's head and you're already a victor!

 

[Ace Boobtoucher]

Umm, I said they weren't fast going downhill...DOWNHILL. Or maybe I should have said not quite as fast going downhill as they are going uphill. By the way, 19mph is way off target for being the fastest a human can run. That is about the speed of the average human being in good shape. Usain Bolt's average speed is about 23 mph. He has topped out at about 27mph. Hell, I have seen guys on any given Sunday in full pads run between 18-21mph. Devin Hester, Larry Fitgerald, and Chris Johnson just to name a few. Not that any of this would matter if a grizzly was chasing my ass though since I am no where near that fast.

It's actually 23mph but the fact remains that all of the animals could easily outrun everyone dumb enough to respond to this thread.

 

[~~whimsy~~]

It's actually 23mph but the fact remains that all of the animals could easily outrun everyone dumb enough to respond to this thread.

Nah, brah! We can outrun animals! Just look at all the cougars we run from on a daily basis!!!!

Hell yeah! HIGHFIVES!

 

[Hondarobot]

I've actually spent a few minutes trying to figure out a solution to this fight, but given the details, a human would always lose. If the cage was roofed, you could probably climb out of reach of the bear or the lion (depending on how the cage was constructed), but you'd still end up dead eventually.

I'd wait until the cage doors were open to begin the fight, and then run like hell in the opposite direction.

 

[Ace Boobtoucher]

Brah, if that grizz is wearing crocs and a popped collar, you're fucked.

 

[Ike Stain]

The real flaw with this poll is, when you're about to get into this match, the insane billionaire who set it up for the amusement of himself and his friends tends not to give you a choice, ironically because really rich people tend to be cheap bastards and he's not going to pay for the three animals if he doesn't have to. However, it would be way cool if he did and you did actually get to make the choice.

 

[~~whimsy~~]

Brah, if that grizz is wearing crocs and a popped collar, you're fucked.

No.


No one can ever pop collas like we do.


NO ONE.

Pop it and rock it, brah!

 

[Ace Boobtoucher]

Brah, wait. Brah, wait. Brah. Brah, wait. Wait.............what if the grizz had not only the popped collar and the crocs........what if he'd also just finished working out and his pecs were all popped and what if he's also sporting a mad tribal tat? Brah, that bear would fuck your shit up and look totally bad ass doing it.

 

[~~whimsy~~]

Brah, wait. Brah, wait. Brah. Brah, wait. Wait.............what if the grizz had not only the popped collar and the crocs........what if he'd also just finished working out and his pecs were all popped and what if he's also sporting a mad tribal tat? Brah, that bear would fuck your shit up and look totally bad ass doing it.

Fuck the tribal hat! The bear can't get tribal tats to show off or show off his tan, well, lack of tan cuz all that fur makes that bear one pasty noodle SOB! Fuck bears, brah! They ain't a threat no more.

Now pop yo colla and relax.

 

[zell]

Mother Cougar versus Grizzly Bear

Like I said before,bears are fucking idiots.

 

[Sam Fisher]

I would open the cage door, and as the curious lion walked out, I'd jump in the cage and close the door, watching as the lion shreds everyone in attendance.

 

[Ace Boobtoucher]

Fuck the tribal hat! The bear can't get tribal tats to show off or show off his tan, well, lack of tan cuz all that fur makes that bear one pasty noodle SOB! Fuck bears, brah! They ain't a threat no more.

Now pop yo colla and relax.

Brah, hear me out now. What if the bear had been to an aesthetician and gotten his body hair zapped with a frickin laser?

 

[~~whimsy~~]

Brah, hear me out now. What if the bear had been to an aesthetician and gotten his body hair zapped with a frickin laser?

Brah! You need to stop worrying about bears. They ain't bout to lose that body of thick, luscious hair! Worst we have to fear with them is if they learn how to use hair gel and....



Oh shit!


WE NEED GENOCIDE AGAINST BEARS BEFORE THEY LEARN!!!!

 

[Ace Boobtoucher]

That's my point, brah.

 

[~~whimsy~~]

You get the equipment and I'll get the recipes! We are gonna eradicate this threat!

 

[fatman0529]

gorillas aren't carnivores and probably wouldn't bite, i think

 

[bustybbwlover]

grizzly, assuming i'm unarmed, i figure it'll slaughter me the quickest

 

[L3ggy]

You get the equipment and I'll get the recipes! We are gonna eradicate this threat!

You've allied yourself with the humans?!

 

[Sam Fisher]