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..is not the way I expected to end a date with Dr Death. On the date, I wore...

...offering to let Dr Death give me a Brazilian was not such a hot idea. Instead,...

...an entree you can eat in the dark. That scalpel reminds me...

...she may attract the attention of predatory pussies. I don't know about your imagination, but mine...

...people who like boring boring boring foreign language films.* If I were to make a porn film... *yes, the voice of someone who has been taken to one. Never again #shudder#

Honey

Oh there isn't enough money in the world for that job

...is a good way of breaking the ice at funerals. My favourite film involves suspense, horror and...

Years ago - before viagra came along - I had some friends who were in the European porn film business and heard some of the tricks of the trade. You may notice that most male porn stars don't perform with rock hard woodies and there's a lot of "stuffing it in" involved. Sometimes a shot is cut...

Before you Americans start feeling sorry for yourselves, I'd like to point out that in the UK petrol is about to top one pound PER LITRE while BP makes more than five billion pounds profit. Get the calculator out - that's about four pounds or 7.2 dollars a gallon.

...fridge? And, thinking of breakfast...

...very, VERY large drinks. Don't be cruel...

...poached in a cheese sauce. What people find most attractice about mice is...

...your head might blow up. I need to throw the windows open and...

...wimps, REAL men eat Coco Puffs. Every day, you must...

...long mousey tail. I like cheese because...

...spit out the lumps in a ladylike manner. DrDeath bites his...

...cows employed as waitresses. Yes, Jod has finally...

... too ****** friendly by half. Today I intend to...

...is last Thursday? Deep, meaningful conversations...

...coating schnitzels but are lousy lubricants. I love his "come hither" eyes and...

...little Mouse. What I really like is...

...right in front of the vicar. Right now I need a **** and...

...and then mutual oral sex would be a popular ice cream*. Canadians do it... *Only Brits will get this joke**. **The "99" is an ice cream cone with a chocolate flake.

...more of Poggy. If smart bombs are so smart...

...parts of mythex best left to the imagination. Don't you ever feel the urge to...

...have your attention diverted by shiny things. My mind is filled with...

...it needed to be for full support. For full support, I use...

...tall cowboys polishing their spurs. That left breast weighs about...

...found the skeleton I thought I'd left in the closet. If you were to meet the boy/girl of your dreams...

..sung about by David Bowie. I know at least two ways...

...I had my hiking boots on. Mythex isn't real, he's...

..it's right. I dreamt that I...

...she ought to keep away from maniacs with knives. I like coffee, I like tea, I love the...

I was runnin through the jungle, and I saw Salem chasing my pet mouse!

...I wonder if she's interested in seeing my collection of surgical instruments? DrDeath's clinical record is...

...the shoe shop to buy Jod some open-toed sandals. Talk softly and carry...

...while playing footsie. Which only goes to show...

...is an interesting combination for a first date. Jod drinks only...

I was runnin through the jungle and I saw Salem ogling Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

...involve more razor blades. Mythex watches too much...

...knock then say "who's there"? Hello, I'm the plumber...

...think of Montreal, it's time for a cold shower. And, thinking of Canada...

...I used to pop when pricked. Speaking of pricks...

...how long will it take to fill the bath? I recall a song...

...give myself a pedicure and drive Jod nuts. It's a bird... It's a plane...

...cool off after a day at the office. The only thing Jod won't fry is...

...the custard gets a nasty skin on it. If custard isn't available, I like...

...*** walked in. I get urges to...

... she's not going to talk to a horny little devil like you, is she? I dreamed last night I got on the boat to Heaven...