Its now going to be hisEXslave.. its over

[Alyssa Rose]

You guys are really great.. I mean that.. I feel more support and love from you guys then from some of my family. I have to figure out how to get back to the states but I will be going back as soon as possible. Jeffersonville Indiana.. Hopefully I can get back on my feet and move on.. I am trying so hard not to think about everything he said.. my heart hurts like hell but Im not letting it distract me from what needs to be done.. I just dont want me being divorced before I am 21 be such a taboo that I end up alone forever because guys think im tainted. I know thats a bit extreme but I just feel so stupid!

 

[Embryoyo]

I didn't go through this thread, only read your original post, but that's really harsh. You have my condolences... I may just be a stranger on a forum, but for what it's worth, I hope that things improve for you quick & soon. Stay strong.

 

[gunslingingbird]

You guys are really great.. I mean that.. I feel more support and love from you guys then from some of my family. I have to figure out how to get back to the states but I will be going back as soon as possible. Jeffersonville Indiana.. Hopefully I can get back on my feet and move on.. I am trying so hard not to think about everything he said.. my heart hurts like hell but Im not letting it distract me from what needs to be done.. I just dont want me being divorced before I am 21 be such a taboo that I end up alone forever because guys think im tainted. I know thats a bit extreme but I just feel so stupid!

Nobody's gonna think you're tainted!!! That's silly to think that! Maybe if we were living 50 years ago they might, but not in this day and age. Besides, who gives a rat's ass what others think? If you were to run into 100 guys who thought you were tainted, you would find that none of them was worth it anyway. Besides, for every guy who thinks you're tainted, there are 99 more who don't think so.

Now, if you're referring to the other taint, well, I can't really say you're not.

 

[Facetious]

We'll have her walkin' around with an attitude like her 'ol self in no time !

....................................... :sunny::sing::sunny:

 

[Gordar]

You guys are really great.. I mean that.. I feel more support and love from you guys then from some of my family. I have to figure out how to get back to the states but I will be going back as soon as possible. Jeffersonville Indiana.. Hopefully I can get back on my feet and move on.. I am trying so hard not to think about everything he said.. my heart hurts like hell but Im not letting it distract me from what needs to be done.. I just dont want me being divorced before I am 21 be such a taboo that I end up alone forever because guys think im tainted. I know thats a bit extreme but I just feel so stupid!

This isn't going to be a very supportive post, so if you think you cannot handle it at the moment, please don't read it. I'll try to find a color close to the background on this board so that you'll have to highlight it to be able to read it properly.

First I want to make sure I've got my facts straight.

1. You're 20.

2. You met your (soon to be former) husband in school.

3. You've been married for more than a year (that means you were 18 or 19 when you got married). This is based on the assumption that you were married when you joined this board & you've been a member since Juli 2009.

4. You were 18 or 19 when you got married. At this age, you probably didn't live with your boyfriend (back then) for a very long time.

5. You didn't really know him as well as you could have had you lived with him for 2-3 years before you got married. I doubt you'd have agreed with me on this 6 months ago, but I have a feeling you'll grudgingly admit this is true right now.


Now comes the criticism...

Why the fuck did you marry the guy in the first place. I've often seen American girls who're barely 18 getting all giddy about the prospect of them getting married on other forums/boards & 75% of the time they break up again within 2-3 years.

This isn't strange, since 16, 17, 18 & in many cases 19 and 20 year olds still have rather childish ideas about romance, etc., but there IS the option of living together before you get married. If, after 2-3 years of living together (preferably 3, because the initial love is replaced by either a more mature love, comparable to very deep care, or has disappeared altogether by then) & you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with him (you'll know all his positive & negative points, like not cleaning up after himself, for instance. Characteristics he can easily hide 2 or 3 months, but not 2 or 3 years), marry him.

A 25-26-27 year old woman still looks good in white & the chance you'll have to deal with a divorce a few years later becomes a lot smaller.

Didn't your parents (they were still alive back then, right?) warn you against it?


This way of living (marrying young) worked 'well' when a divorce was still a taboo & when people only got a divorce in the worst of circumstances (except of course you got stuck with someone you didn't really care for), but society has evolved. People have gained more freedom, but with this freedom comes responsibility & a certain amount of intelligence, but it seems many Americans still hold on to the tradition of marrying young without thinking of the possible consequences.

 

[Hot Mega]

You guys are really great.. I mean that.. I feel more support and love from you guys then from some of my family. I have to figure out how to get back to the states but I will be going back as soon as possible. Jeffersonville Indiana.. Hopefully I can get back on my feet and move on.. I am trying so hard not to think about everything he said.. my heart hurts like hell but Im not letting it distract me from what needs to be done.. I just dont want me being divorced before I am 21 be such a taboo that I end up alone forever because guys think im tainted. I know thats a bit extreme but I just feel so stupid!

Wow...I hadn't followed all of your ups and downs if you were posting it beyond the other thread you started. Sad to see things were much further along than I thought for you two.

Honestly though HSS, <HONESTLY> if he meant a single syllable of what he said...(and I know it hurts really bad now) but why on earth aren't you thanking him?

The man unwittingly left you a life to salvage. At least you're not 2 or 3 children down the line and 10 years into this marriage before you discovered this.

You are still very young. Be strong (as your heart will allow now), pick up the pieces and don't look back. Understand that someday the pain, betrayal and abandonment you're feeling now will be in your past. Someday you won't believe you got through it and you will find you're a far better person for it.

I hate to tell you this but one day he is most certainly going to regret losing you. We men who take for granted the good women we've had in our lives always do. He won't see it now as whatever mission he's on is front and center in his mind but undoubtedly the reality will show up in a moment of clarity for him and he will regret it.

Take care and again, as impossibly bad as this feels now it could be worse...and divorce is nothing more than a status. It's not like you used up your last one or something.

 

[shayd]

Just an update to every one who read my other thread... My marriage is over. Im stuck in south fucking korea with a 15 year old and a broken heart. My husband crossed the line tonight I have to go to legal unfortantely tomorrow is saturday and IM pretty sure legal is closed. I cant take it anymore he freaked tonight.. Broke everything, told me he never loved me and the only reason he was with me was for more money.. said that the only thing im good for is to make sandwhichs,, im so done. Then he threatened to dump moms ashes 'on the streeets of korea'
I feel like I cant breath, Im trying so hard to focus on the anger so that I dont have to focus on what my hearts going through.

That's absolutely awful to hear, and I'm very sorry to hear it. Your presence here on the board has revealed you to be a very sweet and thoughtful person, and I can only hope that the other members on the board can be supportive during this trying time for you. Keep your head up, things will get better, and best wishes moving forward.

 

[ed007]

Sorry. Sadly this is what real life is about: the good and the bad. I don’t know which is a more powerful force but they are both out there. The only words of advice I can offer is hopefully it’s experiences like this that will give you a better understanding of the good and bad world we live in and more importantly make you a stronger person. Good Luck.

 

[Alyssa Rose]

This isn't going to be a very supportive post, so if you think you cannot handle it at the moment, please don't read it. I'll try to find a color close to the background on this board so that you'll have to highlight it to be able to read it properly.

First I want to make sure I've got my facts straight.

1. You're 20.

2. You met your (soon to be former) husband in school.

3. You've been married for more than a year (that means you were 18 or 19 when you got married). This is based on the assumption that you were married when you joined this board & you've been a member since Juli 2009.

4. You were 18 or 19 when you got married. At this age, you probably didn't live with your boyfriend (back then) for a very long time.

5. You didn't really know him as well as you could have had you lived with him for 2-3 years before you got married. I doubt you'd have agreed with me on this 6 months ago, but I have a feeling you'll grudgingly admit this is true right now.


Now comes the criticism...

Why the fuck did you marry the guy in the first place. I've often seen American girls who're barely 18 getting all giddy about the prospect of them getting married on other forums/boards & 75% of the time they break up again within 2-3 years.

This isn't strange, since 16, 17, 18 & in many cases 19 and 20 year olds still have rather childish ideas about romance, etc., but there IS the option of living together before you get married. If, after 2-3 years of living together (preferably 3, because the initial love is replaced by either a more mature love, comparable to very deep care, or has disappeared altogether by then) & you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with him (you'll know all his positive & negative points, like not cleaning up after himself, for instance. Characteristics he can easily hide 2 or 3 months, but not 2 or 3 years), marry him.

A 25-26-27 year old woman still looks good in white & the chance you'll have to deal with a divorce a few years later becomes a lot smaller.

Didn't your parents (they were still alive back then, right?) warn you against it?


This way of living (marrying young) worked 'well' when a divorce was still a taboo & when people only got a divorce in the worst of circumstances (except of course you got stuck with someone you didn't really care for), but society has evolved. People have gained more freedom, but with this freedom comes responsibility & a certain amount of intelligence, but it seems many Americans still hold on to the tradition of marrying young without thinking of the possible consequences.

I totally understand where you are coming from in your thinking but you have to realize that the military changes things. We got married because the military recognizes Married & Not Married. Thats the reason the militaries divorce rates are so high.. because its kind of like end your relationship or get married. There is NO in between. If we hadn't gotten married we would have had a million obstacles, which would have been okay now but at the time we 'were in love' and wanted to be with each other.. the only way that was possible was to get married.
& also I tried every thing I could to make our marriage work. I bent over backwards for him, forgave him for cheating on me, took him when he told me he loved me and he was so so sorry and blah blah I was stupid, naive and in love. Not a very good combination. My mom supported my marriage.. she would also support my divorce, you see my mother supported me no matter what, she backed up my decisions because even though I was only 18 I was still an adult.

 

[Supafly]

I thought the divorces in my family been bad... but they ain't shit on that asshole and his ways.

Am glad you find a bit of comfort aroun dFreeOnes.

Oh, please think about changing your nickname

 

[mr google]

This is very sad. I wish you all the best. :thumbsup:

 

[StanScratch]

You guys are really great.. I mean that.. I feel more support and love from you guys then from some of my family. I have to figure out how to get back to the states but I will be going back as soon as possible. Jeffersonville Indiana.. Hopefully I can get back on my feet and move on.. I am trying so hard not to think about everything he said.. my heart hurts like hell but Im not letting it distract me from what needs to be done.. I just dont want me being divorced before I am 21 be such a taboo that I end up alone forever because guys think im tainted. I know thats a bit extreme but I just feel so stupid!

By the time my sister turned 19, she had married, divorced, remarried, redivorced (to the same guy), joined the army and dropped from the army.
However, she is in no way tainted. One, she has a family and long-time friends who love her, no matter what. And, everyone knows that misjudgements in love can be made. Trust me, you don't have to be 20 to screw that up. I'm still doing that quite well into my 40s.

 

[thebear247]

Nichole we talk on and off freeones and my heart breaks for you i could feel the love you felt for him it sucks he couldnt return it.
Just know i care and im thinking about you let me know when you get back to the states safe and sound

 

[Icewater Jones]

You guys are really great.. I mean that.. I feel more support and love from you guys then from some of my family. I have to figure out how to get back to the states but I will be going back as soon as possible. Jeffersonville Indiana.. Hopefully I can get back on my feet and move on.. I am trying so hard not to think about everything he said.. my heart hurts like hell but Im not letting it distract me from what needs to be done.. I just dont want me being divorced before I am 21 be such a taboo that I end up alone forever because guys think im tainted. I know thats a bit extreme but I just feel so stupid!

I feel so bad for your situation. There is never an easy way to go about the emotional toll this is taking, however it sounds like you have an idea on how to go foward. A lot of people in you same situation have know idea where to go or what to do, so this a good start.

You will get back on your feet, and you will get through this with a renewed sense of being as long as you keep that goal close to you. My mom used to tell me that people do what they truly want to do or die trying, and I believe it. If moving on, and being in a better state mentally and emotionally is what you want, you will get that. Take everything you learned from this and use them as tools to help build a better world for you.

I know things will turn out well in time.

 

[Namreg]

tainted?


when you are 20, it may seem that way. you are thinking "oh no i have ruined my life and people will hold this against me."

but when you are 30, you will realize that you were still a child at 20, and everybody makes mistakes. no reasonable person would hold the mistakes of youth against you, and unreasonable persons shouldn't matter to you.

in a week you will see clearer, and in a month, you ill see that your life still lies ahead of you. nothing is lost or gained, except a little time and a lot of experience.

be happy. you gain nothing by being miserable. it may be difficult right now, but you still have 60+ years left to erase these two bad ones.

 

[habs0000]

 

[Hot Mega]

:edit:

 

[Hot Mega]

tainted?


when you are 20, it may seem that way. you are thinking "oh no i have ruined my life and people will hold this against me."

but when you are 30, you will realize that you were still a child at 20, and everybody makes mistakes. no reasonable person would hold the mistakes of youth against you, and unreasonable persons shouldn't matter to you.

in a week you will see clearer, and in a month, you ill see that your life still lies ahead of you. nothing is lost or gained, except a little time and a lot of experience.

be happy. you gain nothing by being miserable. it may be difficult right now, but you still have 60+ years left to erase these two bad ones.

:o When you're 40 you realize how much of a child you were at 30....Sighhhhhh:crying:

 

[drf]

I just dont want me being divorced before I am 21 be such a taboo that I end up alone forever because guys think im tainted. I know thats a bit extreme but I just feel so stupid!

No. Don't beat yourself up over that. You're still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Any man with half a brain would be lucky to be with you. Clearly your soon to be ex is a fucking moron. He's the one that is wrong, not you. This isn't forever and you will not always feel this way. Just stay focused on getting yourself home. Be strong sweetheart.

 

[Alyssa Rose]

No. Don't beat yourself up over that. You're still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Any man with half a brain would be lucky to be with you. Clearly your soon to be ex is a fucking moron. He's the one that is wrong, not you. This isn't forever and you will not always feel this way. Just stay focused on getting yourself home. Be strong sweetheart.

Thanks guys I am really lucky to have you guys and friends and my brother to support me and help me through this. It's hard but you all are right.. I will move on. I need to just let go and allow myself to realize that if I will be just fine with out him. I just need to leave korea and get to Indiana. I can't wait. I'm so ready to move forward with my life

Its like Anthony Robbins said, “If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.”

It's time to break the habit of letting him run my life. I'm living for me now. Well me & my brother but you get my point