Will someone please tell me what is wrong with being a geek?
I am 42. I havr never been married. I have no kids. I have been engaged. I was quite the partier.I've owned 9 different houses. I've owned 3 Corvettes - nice ones, 4 Camaro's, 2 Mustangs, 2 Challengers (hopped up), 2 Chevy Tahoes, 2 motorcycles and about a dozen other cars. Including an AAustin mini and A little Ford Festiva. I have done all kinds of things. But now? I do nothing all day in my 553 square foot apartment (I haven't got NEARLY the money I used to have - drugs and women and cars will do that to you) except play video games, surf the net and masturbate. I am about 50 pounds overweight (I am 6' 1" 240- 245 pounds. When I should be 190-195 pounds). I live off of my stock portfolio. Not enough to buy fancy cars or anything. But enough to get by.
I get pissed off at myself for not doing more with my life. ANd I want much more for myself, of course.
But, my point is...i am a middle aged semi geek? Am I not? If not a full geek? And I am, what is so wrong with that?
To me a geek is a guy or gal that contemplates and thinks alot - and looks it. What is the alternative? Someone that just acts and lives for the moment and doesn't worry about the consequences? Someone that does what they are told at work and lives for the weekend where they can get married to the first person they can stomach and who can stomach them? Have 2 kids and be a half decent father; but not a great one. So not great that these kids get fucked up later in life? So I can have compromise sex with someone I don't even really love so I fantasize about some unattainable babe at work or at the bar I hang out at? And then get drunk every weekend and go fishing or hunting or some other moronic, macho (but in reality - very unmasculine pastime. What the fuck is manly about hiding in a bush until a helpless deer wals by and then shooting it with a $1,000 gun?) pastime? Convince myself I am fine by not ever taking a hard look at my life? And then making fun of everybody that doesn't do what I do because of the possibility that their way might be the right way scares the fuck out of me?
And then suddenly realize when I am old and have nothing to take my mind off my life that my life was one BIG COMPROMISE? NO FUCKING THANKS.
To me, geeks are perfectionists. They analyse life. Not just live it. Geeks look at the world and see all it's flaws - and immerse themselves in videogames and books et al. But geeks are the ones that face reality - when we aren't playing games or reading et al. Geeks are the ones that consider the big picture. And geeks are the ones that WILL NOT COMPROMISE. And, generally, geeks are more sensitive and more considerate.
And geeks are the ones that get bugged about it because they are different.
Fuck the masses. I'll take a world full of Geeks thank you very much.
I may look like a loser. I may seem like a loser. I may feel like a loser sometimes. But at least I am not slowly dieing inside and too scared to dare to look at it. (I am slowly dieing inside and ARE looking at it - LOL)
I may die unhappy. But I fuckin' guarantee you that I have a FAR better chance at happiness then some semi heartless masses guy. Oh, they will be less miserable then I can get. But the best they can hope for is a semi-decent life.
Well, that is not good enough for me. I gotta try for the brass ring (Mr. Frodo) or forget it. I am an all or nothing guy. And I will not compromise.
And the day I have to is the day I hope I am dead.
That was kinda fun.....my point was that Geeks are the smart, sensitive ones. WHat the FUCK is wrong with that?
Now if you are overweight. You should change that. Though it can be EXTREMELY hard - I know, because I am trying. It is not healthy to be overweight. And it is hard on the ego.
But outside of that, I see NO reason why you cannot be happy.
You ARE sensitive. You are strong enough to look at your feelings. And you seem intelligent. Get yourself reasonably fit and what the fuck else does a woman you are going to potentially love need.
And the older women get, generally the less superficial they get. Guys stay superficial forever. But most women aren't. Once they hit about 25 or so, most seem to need less the ultimate pretty boy. And more the guy they can depend on and talk to and love.
I am middle aged. And I have seen it.
Just hang in their, if you can. Being a teenager SUCKS. I am 42 and I can tell you it was the hardest part of my life. You feel SO powerless. So weird. So paranoid about what everybody thinks. It does get better.
Wait at least until you are 30. You still feel like shit; then blow your brains out. But don't end it at 19. Don't let those fucking masses, insensitive assholes (who really are decent people - most were just treated like shit by thier parents or something and don't know any better) win. Please don't give up. I have tears in my eyes thinking about it.
Please. Not yet. That means there will be one less person like me...I will feel just that much more lonely.
Please stay with us. Everyone should be warned on their 13'th birthday...'Being a teenager sucks...period. Just try and survive it.'
We are all in this together.
I always get more emotional when I see the end of LOTR: the Twin Towers (which I did tonight). I cannot remember a movie scene between two men parting company that moved me so much - I am talking about when Frodo leaves the Shire and Sam.
