DO NOT READ THIS POST IT'S COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT.
Okay, here's what you do.
One day when you find your computer with it's back to you. Sneak up behind it, makes sure you take your shoes off so as to be extra quiet. So, slowly get behind it, being as slow and as quiet as absolutely possible. Make sure your breath's are long and deep and slow so that even you breathing sounds that a beast such as this could hear from a mile away are a soft and as silent as the morning air.
Now once you are close to the beast, close enough to even touch it, get ready, because this is the tricky part. Now, what you do is, in one quick but firm motion you clasp your hands and arms around the great beast and pick it up and grip it as had as humanly possible. The beast will stuggle, you better believe it will, it will whine and kick and cry but you must be firm with it. Do not allow your human emotions to get the better of you because if you do all is lost.
Now that the beast is seccure in you grasp, quickly (but not to quickly we do not want to scare the beast) make you way towards the kitchen. Once in the kitchen then your work begins.
Strap it to a table, if you do not have a table, then to the worktop securly. Get the hammer which has already been sterilized and smash it, smash it as many times as you wish. Shout as many profanities as you want but make sure you smash it until all the ingrained annoyances that this beast has brought you over the years have petered themselves out.
Then once it's all over, you can cry if you wish no one will think any less of you.
Then you'll have to make arrangements to buy another computer. Which in hindsight doesnt look like a god idea, especially over some spam emails, but what can you do? The computer is already gone ....... or is it?