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I think it was in the shower this morning when I was washed. There is film all over the walls and it smells bad. I prefer to be outside on a warm, sunny day with dish washing soap applied to me and rubbed in. That gets my tail wagging, and I am so grateful when my owners pick me up in a big...

There is no God for Christ Sakes! When I die, my owners are just going to throw me in a hole, then fill it back up and plant daises over the top of me. Luckily, I don't have any gold teeth, so I should remain undisturbed. When I get to St. Peter, he says "Animals on the right, and humans on...

When I watch the "Today Show", my tail starts wagging when I see Meridith Viera in a short skirt. I also like Diane Sawyer from ABC news. Would someone please make a video of them together!

I always drink with "Harvey". He is an invisible rabbit standing about six feet tall. We drink and dance all night in the back yard while I hump his leg, then he disappears when I open my eyes in the morning.

I am looking at the pictures of all the great babes in the book "The Dog Whisperer", but I can't read. I am going to get on the phone and call Cesar Millan right now to see if he can help me. Peter walks in and grabs the phone away from me, then says it is time for me to go outside.

I really don't care. I don't have a drivers license, but I do have a tag on my collar. The police did stop me one time a while back for wagging my tail while looking up Paris Hiltons skirt. I wish i had my camera with me when I did that. If my paws could grip the steering wheel and my...

You mean my dog years are just about over?

Peter, come over here and take a look at this. So, you are a milf, so what?

Lois, come over her and take a look at this.