Ghandi II ... oh, I mean UHF ...
Oh and by the way -
UHF is the friggin' ultimate!
Way ahead of its time! The jokes seem cliche today, but a lot of the jokes came from the movie itself!
Heck, just listening to
Michael Richards' lines in that movie on his own for 5 minutes straight totally gets me going. I mean, stupid done to an annoying level to the point you just have to laugh.
"Something orange... orange... Ya give up? It's an orange! Get it? This is fun, huh? Okay, now I'm thinking of something blue... something... blueeeaaaauuwwweeuuuhhh..."
(evil kidnapping henchmen)
"Let me kill him. Please let me kill him."
(shouting the Bonanza theme as he's dragged into a dark room)
"What?! Don't you like Bonaza!?"
"Hi, George. I'm done with the show, whaddaya want me to do now?."
"Did you have a good time in there, Stanley?"
"Yeah! Oh boy, it was fun!"
"Great. How'd you like to do it every day?"
"Yeah! That would be... Wait a minute..." (pause, thinking with that pea brain)
"Do I still get to be the janitor?"
"We got a winner! We got a winner! Joel Miller, you just found the marble in the oatmeal! You're a lucky, lucky, lucky little boy, cause you know why? You get to drink from the firehose! Okay...You ready?"
"YAH!"
"Open wide!" (kid totally blown off a riding horse by the sheer force of the water jet)
"Joel Miller. Let's here it for him."
"OH! Free toy inside! Free toy inside!"
And the news segment interviews and other conversations ...
"Gun control is for wimps and Commies. Listen, let's get one thing straight. Guns don't kill people... (cocks gun straight at camera)
I do!"
"Let's see... I got an ardvork, a flamingo, four porcupines, two armadillos, three badgers..."
"Badgers?! Badgers?!! We don't need no stinking badgers!!!"
"NAME THAT STAIN - THE YOUNG AND THE DYSLEXIC - WONDERFUL WORLD OF FLEGM" (planning the schedule)
"Okay, how's this for our new Friday line-up... Eight o'clock, 'Druids On Parade,' then 'The Volcano Worshippers' Hour' followed by 'Underwater Bingo For Teens' and... 'Fun With Dirt.'"
And other ad segments ...
"Clowns and kids alike can't resist the mouth-watering, lip-smacking taste of Mrs. Hockenburger's Butter Cookies.Right, Bobo? That's right! And hey, mom! They're nutritious, too! Just look at how much Bobo here likes 'em. Mmmm, that's good. And don't forget, kids, there's a nifty surprise inside every box of Mrs. Hockenburger's ... Uh oh!" (restrained chuckle)
"Bobo's been eating Yappy's Dog Treats! That's right! Yappy's Dog Treats, your dog will love that real liver and tuna taste" (off-screen barf)
"...... with just a hint of cheese."
As well as the commercials ... just the intro makes you think of the whole thing in your mind ...
(Tapping cymbals as '50s dad says) ...
"Okay kids ... let's go!"
(anytime my wife breaks something, I use that one)
(depressing music)
"Are you tired of sloppy, cut-rate funerals?"
And who can forget the intros!
(announcer)
"The world watched in amazement as he unlocked the mysteries of Al Caponio's glove compartment."
"AH HA!Road maps!"
(announcer)
"He gets the answers ... he gets the facts ... and most of all ... he gets the ratings."
"Lesbian, Nazi Hookers, abducted by UFO's and forced into weight lose programs, all this week"
(liquid bubbling in the background lab scene)
"Today we're going to learn to make Plutonium from common household items."
"For those of you just joining us, today we're teaching poodles how to fly! Okay, Foofie, are you psyched? Are you ready? Okay, here we go... get ready... and... FLY!! fly" (poodle thrown out a 2 story window and heard as a single thud into the ground)
"Oh, man... You know, sometimes it takes 'em a longer to learn how to do it right. Okay... come on... come on... cheer up, cheer up. hey, hey! Who's next?Ah Gigi."
(cut from show)
"Where did you find this guy?"
"Me, I thought you hired him?"
And then promos ... the best! Again, just a few statements makes you run the whole thing in your head ...
(Barbaric-style music while lifting a kid up off the floor)
"Don't you know the Dewy Decimal system?"
(Let alone him swinging the sword and chopping a kid in half after the kid says)
"Sorry, these are a little late."
And who can forget this promo (probably the best), in full ...
(Cue squaking '70s punk/gang music)
(announcer)
"Next week on U62 ... He's back ... And this time ... He's mad"
(anorexic guy in robes beating up some street punks in an alley) (announcer)
"No more mister passive resistance ... He's out to kick some butt ... This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with"
"Don't move, slimeball"
(announcer)
"He's a one man recking crew"
(as same robed man walks into a restaurant with two babes on his arms) (announcer)
"But he also knows how to party"
"Gimme a steak, medium rare"
(background voice yelling at him)
"Hey, Baldy!"
(flips table over and pulls out an automatic) (announcer)
"There is only one law ... His law"
(shooting at the screen, the announcer reads off the end trailer flash)
"Ghandi II"