Tomorrows Newspaper

[DOA82]

When the time comes and we are all old grey haired men, or when the grey haired old men among us are dead, what might, or what would you like the newspapers of 2050 to say.

Not just in a retrospective "World rejoices at Bush's assassination" in 2011 way, Im thinking "First man on mars" in type thing.

 

[Shifty]

Veterans of Freeones 2010 Marathon Week-Long OCSM-Fan Fuck Fest Gather to Celebrate 40 Years of Debauchery.

 

[GregCentauro]

This is CNN. Here are the news for Friday, May 13, 2050:


+++ Chicago Cuibs: 142 Years Of Shame +++ Siamese Twins From Lancashire Win "X-Factor" With Stunning Masturbation Act +++ US President Miley Cyrus Pulls Out First US Troops from Afghanistan +++ Craig Venter Defrosts Walt Disney's Head To Build First Functional Cyborg +++ UK Celebrates 20th Anniversary Of Royal Family's Abdication +++ Chinese Villagers Eat Last Living Tiger +++ Rolling Stones World Tour Starts In Beijing +++ Pope's Wife Comes Down With Boy +++

 

[Facetious]

. . . .dick van cock and Doc Motorcity (not one in the same after all) return to FO's after extended sabbatical. . . .{developing} . . .

 

[BlueBalls]

"Jesus Finally Sent Back To The Hell That He Created"

A delighted Pope John Travolta, who presided over yesterdays execution said today in a speech to the delighted crowds outside of the Mega Vatican in Utah and to the other 8 billion Catholics around the world: "This was not the Christ we all know and love and so we have chosen to send him back to himself for judgement. If God decides in his infinite wisdom and grace to send us another saviour he better damn well send us the saviour we want! Or else...." Garnering him rapturous applause along with seemingly infinite praise from various religious and political leaders around the world.

Or something like that.

 

[Facetious]

. . 1/10th of world's population said to be related to Tiger Woods . . .

 

[Shifty]

. . 1/10th of world's population said to be related to Tiger Woods . . .

:rofl2: Spot on! Spot on!

 

[CunningStunts]

Ongoing investigation reveals pervasive corruption in Congress.

Bin Laden joins N. Korea and Iran in "Death to America" chant.

The NY Yankees have the highest payroll in MLB again.

Kieth Richards hospitalized, in stable condition after too much heroine... again.

 

[maildude]

Baseball Replaced By Monster Hunter XXXIII For Playstation 25 As American Pastime.

--Japan dissolves baseball leagues, replaces them with FinalFantasy XXXXX.
--Pacific rim rocked by twenty-third tsunami this month...as Singapore hosts the tenth annual World Peace Gonad Chess Challenge
--The Euro falls 35 points against the Diverlatteral Southern Lands Duetschlibre.
--Babe Ruth almost entirely forgotten by American MHXXXIII public.
--Oil futures are down 37 points, as the InterSaudiIranquiRepublic pleads to G4 nations: "Buy some gas...please? Hydrogen and solar power are killing us! Even India and China are on the bandwagon!!"
--The MTVV1Muzak network Award Show winner is Topsoil Tom, with his rendition of 2030's Rap Winner Shitza's song, "God Ain't A Janitor."
--Lakes Michigan, Erie, Superior, and Wannetonga combine during September's record rainfalls, to form Lake EveryGoddamnedWhere.
--SuperGalacticCable subscribers will lose both the Big10 Network and NFL Package unless an agreement is reached. Otherwise, watch them on Chronomental 3D.
--Gay, Hispanic, Female Transexual President Maude Lopez will leave her/his White House quadheliport for a holiday in Tennessee. Then the 399th opening of the Congress Of Newness will begin.

 

[StanScratch]

A severed testicle wins a tea party House nomination.
Jamie Moyer wins his 1,238th game.
Bret Farve has been dead for a couple of decades, but people fear he will soon host a press conference announcing he is returning to life.
The U.S. becomes the only country which continues to use automobiles which use gas.

 

[lurkingdirk]

June 1, 2050:
The Netherlands announced it was giving all executive power to the staff at FreeOnes. GregCentauro, as the first member to reach 10 billion rep points, was appointed Grand Poobah in charge of Lemon Parties.

 

[YMIHERE]

Lie detectors perfected
Civilization collapses​

 

[PlasmaTwa2]

Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

 

[meesterperfect]

cannabilism on the rise.
but it will be written in spanish

 

[mr. jizz]

"Scientist Find Intelligent life on.....(random planet)...Gliese 581c"

but I'll settle for....

"Scientist find evidence of biological remains of life on Mars"

BUt the one I'd really like to hear, at least before I die:

"VY Canis Majoris explodes into Supernova providing Earth with the most spectacular celestial fireworks show ever."

 

[sproing99]

Daily Express:

- Exclusive ! Diana still dead

 

[lurkingdirk]

Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

:1orglaugh Just awesome.

 

[vodkazvictim]

Lie detectors perfected
Civilization collapses​

^^This is just so perfect that nothing I could possibly post will live up to it.
Not that I won't try:

What I want to see:
"Vodkas Victim, ruler of the entire world, died last night after attempting to satisfy all 500 members of his harem simultaneously."

What I expect to see:
"Violence in the middle east and Balkans, poverty in Africa and Corruption in the government."
This is because a long time ago I bought Dogbert's super-newspaper; the one newspaper I will ever need because it lists the above.

 

[Red Spyder]

CNN news, November 22, 2050

Flight delays expected to reach a record high this Thanksgiving holiday. Public reminded to show up three hours ahead of time for their strip/body cavity searches and background clearance.

 

[mr. jizz]

^I'd hope by 2050 we'd have a more effective and faster way of traveling than by airplane.