Things that are ironic/funny ever since COVID19

[Rey C.]

You guys are hilarious. Thanks for the laughs.

A couple of my faves:

"Yeah, but just think. In 9 months how many new kids will be born? What'll we call those lil bastards?
COVIDiots? quaranTEENS? Coronials? Generation C?

Everybody is complaining about staying inside, government telling them what to do, not having any money, cant pay bills, cant get unemployment OR EVEN SIGN THE FUCK UP at the website, police looking at you when you go outside.
Relax, you've only been black for a month.


For now, we're still able to laugh. Hope that's still the case in another two months. We're on lockdown here til the second week of June.

 

[Rane1071]

 

[John_8581]

I wonder if bank robberies have gone up since EVERYONE is wearing a mask?

Hmmmmm?? LOL

 

[Torre82]

Time for something new.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know the quarantine is hard, but there is something very important that you all need to do. Its CRUCIAL.
Here it is: Those things you think you've been putting off for years and now you want to try them? Start your own podcast, learn how to cook, write your novel, etc. DONT DO IT. Dont inflict your life crisis on others during an actual crisis. You arent good at it and you put it off for a reason. Dont be that guy. No offense, tho.
That will be all, thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that hydrochloroquone has cured all the good diseases.” Donald Trump

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wish Fauci would quote this. And I hope at least SOME of the audience would 'get it':

“A doctor is the only man without a guaranteed cure” ~ Dominic Cleary
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ASSHOLES took all the toilet paper.
... well, yeah. *scratches head*

So.. I ran outta toilet paper. I'm using the newspaper.
What can I say, The Times are rough. lolol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can foresee it, now. You wanna know the most annoying thing cashiers and bartenders will have to hear, when the 'curve' goes down? Remember this:
"I'll take a corona. Hold the virus. *drunk guffawing*"
Ugh, you know its coming. And everybody will think its the first time they've heard it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My cousin, in the hospital.. he is a very independent kinda guy. One of those types that would turn down a ventilator if he was on his deathbed. He wasnt, but he would insist he's fine.
So anyway, he is always trying to get anyone to leave the room so he can get to the pisser (across the room, of course) without assistance.
This hasnt worked out super well, he still feels like crap and he has taken a fall a couple times.
So the nurse comes in the last time while he is pulling himself up, assists him over to the toilet and writes in sharpie on his wrist tag: "FALL RISK"
He scoffs at this and says I'm a spring, summer and winter risk, too! GUA HAHAH HAHH"
*groan* But whatever, good on you. Dickhead. lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady goes to her local hospital to take the covid test and get her flu shot.
Upon entering the building, she walks over to the nurse and notices a doctor: "MEASLES! TETANUS! MUMPS! TYPHOID! INFLUENZA!"
"Whats his problem?"
Oh, he likes calling the shots around here.

 

[Sexpert007]

If it wasn't about human lives, this whole thing itself would be damn funny.

 

[Torre82]

If it wasn't about human lives, this whole thing itself would be damn funny.

Laughter is kinda like alcohol. In times of plenty OR hard times, alcohol sells.
Not to jog anyone's memory about the bad times, but every person I know has reached a point where they are laughing and crying at the same time after a death or losing everything.
"Its all a fucking joke" indeed.

 

[Rane1071]

 

[icytea]

Introverts will be loving this, their dream world, while the extraverts will be depressed and suicidal

 

[Torre82]

Indeed.
Longtime lurker at reddit, only registered 2 months ago.
*looks around at people that joined in 2016 or 2012* People dont really post, much. Very little karma for all those years.
Things I've found out: Everyone on reddit is offended. By everything. You cant tell your opinion on anything. Movies, games, life, politics, all of it. Its like a community of people who think smalltalk/chitchat is the way to go. But every so often you find a bunch of people who force themselves to be respectful and they dont get angry about it, but its usually cuz they're already angry at something more important, like injustices, politics, the downfall of everything, etc.

 

[Rane1071]

 

[Torre82]

Mow-rawn.
Today i smoked so much he that i felt sick.
Now on the bus, swaying and getting motion sickness.
This is best day. *Urgh*

 

[maildude]

Even the happiest, funnest place on Earth is struck down...
HERE

 

[Rane1071]

 

[Rane1071]

"This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.!"









* Thought we could use some cuteness today.

Don't judge me!!

 

[Rane1071]

 

[Rane1071]

Something that is funny is just watching an old Seinfeld episode with the "Close Talker".

Something that is not funny is my hankering for a pizza. From Pizza Hut.
I know they're shit and bad for you to boot, but for some reason my desire for one is growing fast.
Probably all the goddamned ads!

 

[Pornfan99]

Pizza Hut pizza is okay. What *is* good though are the apps! Cheese sticks in the marinara sauce, or cheesey garlic bread; yum!!

 

[Torre82]

Ready to ruin a song? Come On Eileen = CO VID NINETEEN
Now you cant unhear it. Youre welcome.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When pressed in January to give a reason why the donald doesnt believe the virus would spread,
donald skipped his original answer of 'NOTHING FROM CHINA LASTS LONG, ANYWAY!' but he didnt wanna offend his tremendous, fabulous friend Xi Ping.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ugh.. yeah.

 

[Supafly]

Dada Dadadum Dumdum Dumdum
Dum Daahh Dadadum

Oooohh my little sicky one
My pretty one
Why have you infected me my Corona
You are still a mystery
You got to me
Oh you're such a deadly one
Myyyy Corona


You're welcome, try to unhear THIS, guys

 

[maildude]

Ironic? Suing a governor because she's trying to keep everybody healthy. 🤷‍♂️