The *Bad Sex* Topic.

[Torre82]

Any of ya ever been with someone who just doesnt do it for ya? I mean to a fault, like they kiss all wrong, the body is a bad surprise and ya dont know if she's cumming or speaking Wookiee?

Alright, so there I was! Going down under on some married lady I happened to fancy when CRIKEY! She mistook her tongue for a spastic flopping fish and did anything BUT tongue wiff me!

Got past that alright, but I'll be damned the lights were down low and I couldnt find the nipple! I could've sworn it was.. wait no, what section did we park in? SOMEBODY JACKED THAT NIPPLE! Oh wait, thats it. ::moves 3 inches south::

So in I go, exploring her murky depths.. cock was brave and went in sans rubber. I warned him but treasure and the promise of emptied balls drew him in!

And.. I honestly couldnt tell you if she made a nut or what. Two hours and I dont know if the constant.. and I mean constant (groaning)moaning is indicative of a previous meal at White Castle or just because she's getting my nine inch nail! (Trent=Genius)

There was no clear indicator of pleasure nor life. I was about to check for a pulse when she got a call from the hubby. Saved by the clueless!

Saw her a couple more times, spent many hours trying every last variation I could.. tongue, vibrator, fingies.. no luck! Ah well. There is a lesson to be learned, here! FreeOnes could've saved me many lost hours... if only my DSL bill was paid back in 2K5..

Your turn. Spit out a story, brothers!

 

[dave_rhino]

First time i got laid was with a 25 year old mother with 2 kids. It took me 30 minutes to cum (and i didnt even notice i had) and she went on her period and bled all over me (i didnt notice that either until i stopped), and 1 week later i find out i have Chlamydia.
So yeah thats a pretty bad sex-session.


Same kinda thing happened last night, with a girl i know from work... and i just COULDNT CUM. Took me fucking ages, by the end the poor girl was so knackered she had to take a 10 minute break. Then she had to go down on me to finish me off, even that took about 15 minutes. What the hell is wrong with me!?

 

[Torre82]

LOL! Man, thats bad. You didnt notice your own nut? I mean..is that possible? Outside of the realm of *BAD SEX*? When someone is totally wrong for you, I think time bends and warps around what should normally happen.

Its times like those where you cut your losses and just go wank to a proper chick. Like my girl says...

"You dont masturbate, you just torture yourself until you cum."

 

[bigbadbrody]

How about this one:

I started banging this chick, you know like a fuck-buddy. Well she had a boyfriend and I was a co worker of his, plu she worked with mea as well and her mother and the mothers boyfriend worked there as well.

It was a big happy family, until I started banging the daughter. It was rella strange, the first time she came over to hangout her boyfriend droped her off. What a clueless dumb-ass!

So I move away to go to school, thus never seeing her again.
Then the most random thing happened, her best friend tells me that she is pregnant.

Damn, I sure wished I had used a condom.

So she had the baby and is living with the boyfriend. Its a good thing I havn't heard anymore news about it.

I am a poor starving student, and having to pay child support to a kid that I would barley see would be my worst nightmare

 

[dave_rhino]

you certainly are a big bad son of a bitch :thumbsup:

 

[Slam]

Poor poor Dave ... I don't know what to say about your story ... I shed a tear though.

 

[Torre82]

her boyfriend droped her off. What a clueless dumb-ass!

Agreed. Either he's allowed it or he's done something really horrible for her to be such an out-and-out user like that. Both really point to him being a 'tard.


Love the new sig, Rhino. A bit too BBW-esque, if you think about it, tho..

 

[bigbadbrody]

Agreed. Either he's allowed it or he's done something really horrible for her to be such an out-and-out user like that. Both really point to him being a 'tard.


Love the new sig, Rhino. A bit too BBW-esque, if you think about it, tho..

the boyfriend and I dispised eachother, so did most of the other people that we worked with.

People said that she would have been better off with me than with her actual boyfriend

 

[Dro50]

It's just not gonna be good sex when the girl is similar to a dead fish, her pussy is equivalent to the the abyss, she has bad breathe, B.O., stinky ass, and her damn dog is staring at us fucking at three in the morning in her cold ass garage on the cement. gah..not fun

 

[shaotaim]

one night i met my ex-girlfriend in her flat. we both came from work.
we just wanted to have sex, so we went straight to her bedroom, tossing all our clothes up, etc...
i couldn´t believe it, but as i was licking her pussy, she tasted like onions!!!
"what the hell" i said, "do you toy your pussy with onions???" :eek:
then she told that she was cutting onions in the kitchen (she worked in a restaurant).
i tell you that was awful. she tasted a whole week like onions!!! i couldn´t handle this. :1orglaugh

 

[member006]

It's just not gonna be good sex when the girl is similar to a dead fish, her pussy is equivalent to the the abyss, she has bad breathe, B.O., stinky ass, and her damn dog is staring at us fucking at three in the morning in her cold ass garage on the cement. gah..not fun

Why would you be with a girl with these qualities to start with?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Only once years ago when my ex-husband was "very" drunk, I almost hurled and couldn't wait for it to be over. It was horrible.

LL

 

[Dro50]

Why would you be with a girl with these qualities to start with?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Only once years ago when my ex-husband was "very" drunk, I almost hurled and couldn't wait for it to be over. It was horrible.

LL

Yeah well she wasn't like that the first time but then the second time we had sex....yeah....I felt so used! :rofl: Should have made her take a shower before huh...that should be common courtesy though....cleanliness that is. For once I don't feel bad about calling someone a dirty bitch LOL.

 

[squallumz]

ooo! that onion thing. nasty!

i wouldnt have been able to bring that one up.

but as far as bad sex goes... i remember back in high school i was at my first real party with my girlfriend at the time and we were drinking and had sex about every 15 minutes. (ah youth ) about the 3rd or 4th time we went to the bedroom, we were getting down and she layed on her back and grabbed her ankles and opened her legs out wide (side to side) and all of the sudden there was no feeling to her. it was like doing a hallway. one of the only times i had to fake it.

yeah, guys can fake it too. luckily she believed my acting and we moved on. minutes later, i take her back into the room and this time i get her on top. much better! the condom broke and i got to feel real vagina for the first time. also much better!

when she noticed she was like "you didnt cum in me did you?!"

i said yes and she jumped off. of course i didnt and told her i was just fucking with her and she hit me and went down on me. also good. :yinyang:

 

[SeeNowHuh]

Only once that I can recall, she was very nice and hot as hell to boot !!
I just didn't get into the way she kissed or anything, had to up and say "This isn't gonna work."
It's the only time I can specifically recall such an unsatisfying experience.
Just something about her mannerisims that I couldn't get into.


Weird huh ??

 

[Peter Gazinya]

Only once that I can recall, she was very nice and hot as hell to boot !!
I just didn't get into the way she kissed or anything, had to up and say "This isn't gonna work."
It's the only time I can specifically recall such an unsatisfying experience.
Just something about her mannerisims that I couldn't get into.


Weird huh ??

Yeah, but it happens alot. I was with a chick once who's entire body of skin was like cold and clammy, I almost had to check for a pulse. I mean, the most awesome thing about a woman is her warmth, her softness. And this chick had niether. Some woman are just born for intimacy. The way they kiss is sensual, meaningful, and confident. Their touch is genuine, they feel it and they want you to too. They naturally give good head, and they do it because they want to, not because you had to ask. They fuck with a rhythm that seemlessly melds cock and pussy, it feels as though the two of you are moving as one. And they orgasm, naturally, beautifully, with whimpers, moans, grunts, groans, and wild eyed enthusiasm. And then they WANT you to come, they beg for it, and they accept it. In their mouths, all over them, and they like it. They feel the spiritual bond two people can develop through uninhibited, genuine sex. Some women are like that.

And some woman just aren't. I fear I might be with one of those right now. I've known her forever, she's sweet as pie, good looking, and athletic with a dynamite body. Intelligent, genuine, and witty. The hook up is new though, we haven't even had sex and for once, I'm not sure I care if we do. :eek:

She just kinda follows me around, lets me initiate everything. Kisses okay but she's holding back, I feel a slight tension in her facial muscles. She's responsive, loves to have her nipples touched, but I do too and she doesn't came back very strong with it. Loves to come when I eat but, honestly, I haven't had head this bad since early in college. AND, she instructed that I warn her when I'm about to pop. WHAT? I really need a woman who's just a cock hell cat that cannot get enough cum blasted in her face on a daily basis and I just don't have that.

LL what the fuck am I gonna do?

 

[SeeNowHuh]

I second that emotion Mr.Gazinya !!!
(nice to know I'm not alone in this deal !!)

 

[szotwang]

First time i got laid was with a 25 year old mother with 2 kids. It took me 30 minutes to cum (and i didnt even notice i had) and she went on her period and bled all over me (i didnt notice that either until i stopped), and 1 week later i find out i have Chlamydia.
So yeah thats a pretty bad sex-session.


Same kinda thing happened last night, with a girl i know from work... and i just COULDNT CUM. Took me fucking ages, by the end the poor girl was so knackered she had to take a 10 minute break. Then she had to go down on me to finish me off, even that took about 15 minutes. What the hell is wrong with me!?

So wait you got Chlamydia from a chick and then hooked up with some other chick? Did you transfer the Clamydia to the other girl.

 

[shaotaim]

Yeah, but it happens alot. I was with a chick once who's entire body of skin was like cold and clammy, I almost had to check for a pulse. I mean, the most awesome thing about a woman is her warmth, her softness. And this chick had niether. Some woman are just born for intimacy. The way they kiss is sensual, meaningful, and confident. Their touch is genuine, they feel it and they want you to too. They naturally give good head, and they do it because they want to, not because you had to ask. They fuck with a rhythm that seemlessly melds cock and pussy, it feels as though the two of you are moving as one. And they orgasm, naturally, beautifully, with whimpers, moans, grunts, groans, and wild eyed enthusiasm. And then they WANT you to come, they beg for it, and they accept it. In their mouths, all over them, and they like it. They feel the spiritual bond two people can develop through uninhibited, genuine sex. Some women are like that.

And some woman just aren't. I fear I might be with one of those right now. I've known her forever, she's sweet as pie, good looking, and athletic with a dynamite body. Intelligent, genuine, and witty. The hook up is new though, we haven't even had sex and for once, I'm not sure I care if we do. :eek:

She just kinda follows me around, lets me initiate everything. Kisses okay but she's holding back, I feel a slight tension in her facial muscles. She's responsive, loves to have her nipples touched, but I do too and she doesn't came back very strong with it. Loves to come when I eat but, honestly, I haven't had head this bad since early in college. AND, she instructed that I warn her when I'm about to pop. WHAT? I really need a woman who's just a cock hell cat that cannot get enough cum blasted in her face on a daily basis and I just don't have that.

LL what the fuck am I gonna do?

well, perhaps she´s very unexperienced or she hasn´t the guts to tell you that she fucks another guy. :dunno:
so i would prefer the first possibility.

 

[Peter Gazinya]

well, perhaps she´s very unexperienced or she hasn´t the guts to tell you that she fucks another guy. :dunno:
so i would prefer the first possibility.

There's a difference between "inexperienced" and "into the experience". I sense the latter. Maybe she just won't unload on me, YET. So I'll give it time to see if things step up a bit.

If she's fucking another guy, so what?

 

[shaotaim]

There's a difference between "inexperienced" and "into the experience". I sense the latter. Maybe she just won't unload on me, YET. So I'll give it time to see if things step up a bit.

If she's fucking another guy, so what?

i had a girl, and she was fucking with another guy, but she didn´t know that i knew. and i realized that she wasn´t that beast she used to be before.
so i told her that i knew about it. then she cried and answered that she worried i would get really mad. i had to clear things up - if she wants to fuck with me, she better do it. but i don´t need a half-dead girl. so we decided to end the relationship.
in my case it was a good decision.

thumbs up... i bet you´ll do the right thing.