Random Statement Thread II

[The Yak]

I have a google alert on my phone for if anyone exposes themselves to a tollbooth operator.

 

[jimnt]

I masturbated to the same porn star today that I did 40 years ago.

 

[HeartBroker]

Dafuq yous lookin' at ??

 

[Supafly]

Today... at a mysterious message

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[HeartBroker]

And tomorrow will be something else

 

[The Yak]

I saw a couple walking down the street and the man took out his phone to take a picture of a group of birds flying overhead. He said "Look, my phone is a flock camera" and the woman spit on him.

 

[The Yak]

When a person is unruly on an airplane they may find themselves restrained and duct taped to their seat. It could then be said they have been taped in front of a live audience.

I took that somebody on Reddit.

 

[The Yak]

Our tale opens with a young married couple and their newborn baby. They are very happy, nice people. Through their conversation, we learn that they have not yet been intimate since the baby was born and the man is being supportive. The wife is going out to run a short errand and the husband will obviously masturbate while she is away because they are not having sex. After his wife leaves, the man goes to the computer to masturbate and puts the baby in the room behind him because he can't leave the baby alone. He begins to masturbate but his offspring becomes violently ill and it is getting everywhere. He stops masturbating to assist the baby. While he is in the bathroom with a sick baby, his wife, having forgotten something and come back, arrives home and finds the pornography playing on the computer. This is presented in a humorous tone.

 

[Steve-FreeOnes]

Nope.