I don't know if this is the right spot to put this, but I don't know any better place to put it on the messageboard. Part of me feels like I need to get this out.
Recently I have taken a long hard look at my life. While I'm grateful for what I do have, and I'm glad I have tried to be and I think have been a good person that tries to do good things, and wouldn't want to change that part of me for anything I have also come to realize a lot of my life feels very directionless in a lot of ways. With no other way to properly describe it I also feel that much of my life has been wasted. A great amount of that not being my fault, but some of it is due to decisions I have made. Things that I would have wanted in my life and relationships I have wanted to have haven't materialized. It's not just having a stable situation in a material sense, but also that I want a family of my own to love and be loved back by them. I feel like time is slipping away and it will get harder for me to find what's missing in my life before it's gone. In some ways it's weighing down on me and makes me feel lonely.
Just as bad, I look on it and I don't know how to fix it. I know that while I can't change the past I can try to make the future better. I just don't know if I will be able to. I know things just don't fall into your lap unless one is lucky, but I'm wondering if I'm capable of doing it.