My recap on the AVN convention..So I ended up representing Bangbros for 1 out of the 4 days I was suppose to sign.I had a little bit of fun on Day 1,Wednesday.But I realised that I truly am not an extrovert anymore.I'v never been fond of the people in the adult industry.There are a few that I talk to sometimes.But very few.It's hard for me to be around people like that.
I also had a slip and fall accident a few days before so my knees were very bruised and sore.On the one week where I was walking on big heels all day for 8 hrs,and then going straight to a strip club to dance for another 6-10 hours..My mind is elsewhere these days.I am more focused on things not related to adult film.I am on my way out of dancing after 13 years.
I have 1 1/2 years left.This week I started doing full time dental assisting work.My first time in almost 2 years! I used to be such a ham,I wanted fame so bad.I loved the attention.But now I see that I like to watch other people entertain me.I am so emotionally fragile,sensitive,bitter these days.I used to be able to have sex with anyone just for film or fun..But now I don't use sex as a tool anymore.I want people to take me seriously.I am spending my time deciding on who I want to vote for president..I didn't even attend 1 AVN party.I am tired of being a walking piece of ass.So I am not dancing at my strip clubs as much as I have been.Maybe 8 times a month.I saw other girls at the AVN's with all this energy and thought,"Wow,I used to have that much fun,or give a shit about taking Neesa out."Neesa" just wants to work at her strip club sometimes,and make that $ and go home and be a regular women.I want to use my brain,I put it to rest for way too long..I want to further my education or become a dental representative and sell dental supplies to dentists.The adult business has jaded me.I am fucking bitter.I don't want to dance for married men anymore,I want to tell them to go home to their wives and stop being a cheating liar.I want a good man.ANd no good man who is filthy rich will allow his girlfriend to be a stripper..I do like being a part of freeones though.I feel like I can learn alot from u guys,vise versa.I also got sick on the 2nd day of the AVN's which was the main reason I didn't continue.I had to go to the doctor that morning.I was tired from dancing the night before.I needed to focus more on dancing at the strip clubs where I make bigger $.
When I saw the Wicked/Hustler,etc girls I thought once again..I look that good,why arent I wking for them? It's all who you know.I have wayyy too many people tell me,"You are better than that,you don't need to be wking in porn world".I am starting to believe them.I want to use my college education/degree.I am no longer a girl.I am a women who needs to change her life.ANd my fave size dick is 6 inches.Not too fat/much girth.Sex hurts me with any larger than that.I dont know what would be the biggest I had.Not Preston.But every large guy I had had a stupid big ego.They didn't feel they had to put much effort in bcause they were big.
I also decided that I should probaby stop dating/fucking rockstars and start dating rich men only who spend alot of $ on me.