I know that I'm putting a big target on myself, but I really need someone else's perspective.
As you may or may not know, I am a person of upstanding moral values. As such, I have periodically been paying women for sex since I broke up with my last girlfriend. It costs about as much as a couple fancy dinner dates, but the build up is edited out, and we just fast forward to the chase scene. No fuss, no mess, no "do these pants make me look fat?", just wham, bam, thank you ma'am. That worked fine for almost 2 years, until something happened that I did not intend.
About 3 months ago I made an appointment with a girl whose ad I'd never seen before. She had good reviews, so I decided to call her. We met and had great sex. Normally that's where I walk out the door, and we both go about our merry ways. This time, though, the girl offered me a shot of rum and Dr. Pepper, and we chit chatted for almost twice as long as I'd paid her for, and she not only didn't seem concerned about the time, she seemed to be enjoying our conversation as much as I was. When I finally left she gave me a big hug and a very passionate kiss.
I enjoyed our session so much that I called her again several times, each time being less impersonal and more like a real date. Eventually I asked her if she wanted to just hang out and go to dinner, which she accepted.
Before I go any further, I'll talk a little bit about her. She grew up in a Christian household, where she was subjected to all the repressions of Jesus freaks: Christian school, church 3 times a week, praise-the-lords and hallelujahs left and right, and she wasn't allowed to do any of the good or bad things that regular kids do. Naturally, as soon as she had a little freedom she didn't know what to do with it, and when she got a job when she was in high school she went all out. She started smoking pot, and she gradually started doing other things, eventually becoming addicted to crystal meth. After a couple years of running with derelicts and junkies she had a moment of clarity where she decided that that was not the life she wanted to live. She got help from her parents, and checked into a rehab clinic. She sobered up almost 5 years ago. She's had a hard time finding a job due to the economy and her background, but she's been able to work here and there, most recently at a liquor store.
About 6 months ago she let one of her friends drive her car, not knowing that he didn't have a license. They got pulled over, and her car got impounded because the unlicensed driver was driving under the influence. She also had her license suspended for the incident. The next day, while she was trying to straighten out what would happen with her car and everything, she called her work to let them know her status, and that she would be coming in late to work that day. Her boss flipped out and told her that if she wasn't there by the beginning of her shift she shouldn't bother coming back again. So, she got fired, with a huge impound fee looming over her. She was given 30 days to come up with $2800 dollars to get her car.
Desperate for money and without a job, she turned to her friends for help. One of them introduced her to a prostitute that he knew, and told her that that would be the fastest way to make a lot of money fast. The way she saw it, it would either be that, or selling drugs, which she wanted no part of. She wasn't exactly keen on having to fuck a bunch of strangers, but she didn't see any other choice.
Back to my dilemma, we started actually dating about a week before Thanksgiving. For about 3 weeks she continued to work because she was trying to get money for a car, and money for Christmas presents, but most days would go by without her getting any clients. I had offered to lend her some money, but she repeatedly declined, saying that she didn't want pity money, but instead wanted to make it on her own. After seeing her frustration of barely making enough money to pay for her room every night, I convinced her to take money for her car and for Christmas presents. She reluctantly took it, and promised to pay it back as soon as she could. Now that she had her car and enough money for Christmas presents she stopped posting her ad.
Let me backtrack for a minute. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, I don't want her to be a prostitute. I obviously met her through her chosen job, but I think she's much better than that, and I think she deserves much better. She set a goal of stopping in February because she doesn't like what she's doing. She took a test to start working with the welders union, and last night she found out that she passed, so she'll probably start in January. Part of the reason why I had offered her money was because I didn't want her to keep doing it.
Anyways, now that she had the money, she stopped advertising for almost 2 weeks. She tried getting a job as a hostess at a restaurant, but after she interviewed they told her they weren't hiring. Most of the time she was either with her family, or with me.
Last night when we were having dinner she informed me that she would have to start working again because she couldn't cover her bills. She was very apologetic because she knows how I feel about it, but she told me that she had to do what she had to do, and with her expenses she wouldn't be able to make it on a retail job.
My dilemma is what to do in this situation. I really care about her, more than I have cared about anyone in a long time. I know that she also cares about me, but she has financial responsibilities that she has to take care of. I neither have the money to take care of her expenses, nor do I want to assume the role of a sugar daddy. We've only been dating for less than a month, so I think it's too soon to ask her to move in together. Like she said last night, in the grand scheme of things 6 or 8 weeks isn't that long, but I still don't want her to do it. Am I being selfish? Should I just grit my teeth and bear the fact that the girl that I'm dating makes her living having sex with strangers? Should I be doing something differently? Any comments, critiques, advice, insults, etc. would be welcome.
As you may or may not know, I am a person of upstanding moral values. As such, I have periodically been paying women for sex since I broke up with my last girlfriend. It costs about as much as a couple fancy dinner dates, but the build up is edited out, and we just fast forward to the chase scene. No fuss, no mess, no "do these pants make me look fat?", just wham, bam, thank you ma'am. That worked fine for almost 2 years, until something happened that I did not intend.
About 3 months ago I made an appointment with a girl whose ad I'd never seen before. She had good reviews, so I decided to call her. We met and had great sex. Normally that's where I walk out the door, and we both go about our merry ways. This time, though, the girl offered me a shot of rum and Dr. Pepper, and we chit chatted for almost twice as long as I'd paid her for, and she not only didn't seem concerned about the time, she seemed to be enjoying our conversation as much as I was. When I finally left she gave me a big hug and a very passionate kiss.
I enjoyed our session so much that I called her again several times, each time being less impersonal and more like a real date. Eventually I asked her if she wanted to just hang out and go to dinner, which she accepted.
Before I go any further, I'll talk a little bit about her. She grew up in a Christian household, where she was subjected to all the repressions of Jesus freaks: Christian school, church 3 times a week, praise-the-lords and hallelujahs left and right, and she wasn't allowed to do any of the good or bad things that regular kids do. Naturally, as soon as she had a little freedom she didn't know what to do with it, and when she got a job when she was in high school she went all out. She started smoking pot, and she gradually started doing other things, eventually becoming addicted to crystal meth. After a couple years of running with derelicts and junkies she had a moment of clarity where she decided that that was not the life she wanted to live. She got help from her parents, and checked into a rehab clinic. She sobered up almost 5 years ago. She's had a hard time finding a job due to the economy and her background, but she's been able to work here and there, most recently at a liquor store.
About 6 months ago she let one of her friends drive her car, not knowing that he didn't have a license. They got pulled over, and her car got impounded because the unlicensed driver was driving under the influence. She also had her license suspended for the incident. The next day, while she was trying to straighten out what would happen with her car and everything, she called her work to let them know her status, and that she would be coming in late to work that day. Her boss flipped out and told her that if she wasn't there by the beginning of her shift she shouldn't bother coming back again. So, she got fired, with a huge impound fee looming over her. She was given 30 days to come up with $2800 dollars to get her car.
Desperate for money and without a job, she turned to her friends for help. One of them introduced her to a prostitute that he knew, and told her that that would be the fastest way to make a lot of money fast. The way she saw it, it would either be that, or selling drugs, which she wanted no part of. She wasn't exactly keen on having to fuck a bunch of strangers, but she didn't see any other choice.
Back to my dilemma, we started actually dating about a week before Thanksgiving. For about 3 weeks she continued to work because she was trying to get money for a car, and money for Christmas presents, but most days would go by without her getting any clients. I had offered to lend her some money, but she repeatedly declined, saying that she didn't want pity money, but instead wanted to make it on her own. After seeing her frustration of barely making enough money to pay for her room every night, I convinced her to take money for her car and for Christmas presents. She reluctantly took it, and promised to pay it back as soon as she could. Now that she had her car and enough money for Christmas presents she stopped posting her ad.
Let me backtrack for a minute. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, I don't want her to be a prostitute. I obviously met her through her chosen job, but I think she's much better than that, and I think she deserves much better. She set a goal of stopping in February because she doesn't like what she's doing. She took a test to start working with the welders union, and last night she found out that she passed, so she'll probably start in January. Part of the reason why I had offered her money was because I didn't want her to keep doing it.
Anyways, now that she had the money, she stopped advertising for almost 2 weeks. She tried getting a job as a hostess at a restaurant, but after she interviewed they told her they weren't hiring. Most of the time she was either with her family, or with me.
Last night when we were having dinner she informed me that she would have to start working again because she couldn't cover her bills. She was very apologetic because she knows how I feel about it, but she told me that she had to do what she had to do, and with her expenses she wouldn't be able to make it on a retail job.
My dilemma is what to do in this situation. I really care about her, more than I have cared about anyone in a long time. I know that she also cares about me, but she has financial responsibilities that she has to take care of. I neither have the money to take care of her expenses, nor do I want to assume the role of a sugar daddy. We've only been dating for less than a month, so I think it's too soon to ask her to move in together. Like she said last night, in the grand scheme of things 6 or 8 weeks isn't that long, but I still don't want her to do it. Am I being selfish? Should I just grit my teeth and bear the fact that the girl that I'm dating makes her living having sex with strangers? Should I be doing something differently? Any comments, critiques, advice, insults, etc. would be welcome.
