My butthole is really itchy.

[Torre82]

True fact. I'm fighting the urge to finger bang it, right now.

 

[Supafly]

If you want a real treat, put a buffing wheel on your drill machine, fix it on a table, and put it on "full speed"

Let down your pants, and gently, gently ease back at the wheel of wonder

 

[ChuckFaze]

Your butthole, eh? So which politician are you talking about, now? 🤣

But, seriously now ... try Hydrocortisone or just plain ole your dry skin lotion of choice.
Or IF you were to be extremely lucky and be able to find some in these times ... some Wipies that have Witch Hazel in them. Witch Hazel will soothe irritated skin. I know that all the regular wipies are gone right now, but You Might be able to find a straggler pack of the ones with Witch Hazel.

 

[xfire]

@ChuckFaze makes a good point, alternatively if you don't have any witch hazel, dab a little castor oil on your thumb (the kind in the little blue bottle in the laxatives aisle, not the motor oil), and rub your starfish with that, it's a wonder oil for the skin, in Latin it's called, "palma christi", literally translated into Palm of Christ because it's historically been used to treat wounds and skin irritations.

 

[Torre82]

Its more of an irritable bowel thing. It just acts up whenever it feels like it.
Which would be fine except.. *chuckles* See, there is this toilet paper shortage.
The news told me, so its true.
Actually the stores are still pretty sold out and drivers arent driving like they used to, but yeah. I think its just the weather. After it rains I get a tad bit dehydrated and itchy.
Moreso around the FreeHole. (Copyright pending)

 

[Mr. Daystar]

I'll tell you this, if it's something to do with any residue that might happen to appear during the day from having a case of the soggy farts, or not being able to clean as well as you would like, due to not having home field advantage....,count on your handy removable shower message head. Turn it to high pressure, squat, and aim, wash with soap, rinse THOROUGHLY, in same squatting position.

Squeaky clean balloon knot, EVERY TIME.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

Either scratch your anus with a hairbrush or scald your starfish with a bidet.

 

[Torre82]

So.. here is what I do, because my ass itching is serious stuff.
I take a good 3-4 showers a day. Nothing special, just 5 minutes and hitting the major areas for sure, and everywhere else kinda-sorta.
then.. and this is important, you gotta choose your scratching utensil VERY carefully. I find that pressure-sensitive styluses (not the electrocapacative ones for smartphones) are the absolute best.
You cant and dont want to use fingers.. nails scratch in that ever so harmful way.
There is the whole stinky finger thing, but I find that.. ..
Sometimes, when I get real nervous, I stick my hand under my armpits in my ass and SNIFF 'EM!