how do you tell if you're being used?

[baultista]

Fuck. Idunno... it's this girl I know from uni. Now she's kinda cute and really nice, but we have a lot of classes and I get the feeling she's only "pretending" to be my friend cuz I get good grades. The only time she ever calls me or messages me outside of school is when she needs help with something, or theres an assignment due.

In classes and during breaks we'll talk about stuff... u kno oh how was ur weekend or she'll talk about how her friend is this and her friend is that and all that laguna beach political crap girls seem to love... if she needs help i'll usually help her out, cuz thats wut friends do rite?

Whenever I try to acutally talk to her we can't get a conversation going for more than like 1/2 an hour cuz she'll make an excuse and leave. Calling her sucks cuz she never picks up her phone, and on MSN it's like talking to a brick wall. (o okay lol hahah brb)

If I'm lucky she'll be bored or something and chat for a while, during which time we make a really damn good connection... things just seem to flow so well. Of course when there's as assignment to be worked on she'll stay on the phone for hours and hours and hours... and we'll usually end up talking about anything and everything except the assignment(lol, but we do work too). It feels like I'm a good friend when there's work to be done, but I don't exist outside of school. She did invite me to a party during reading week tho, and she kinda nudged at me yesterday that we should go skating and I don't know what to make of that.

I've got a horrible feeling that she's using me, which sucks cause I've been on a freekin cold streak since my last girlfriend, and I really (think) I like this girl. Any thoughts? I don't want to take her out or go to a party and try to make a move if I'm just being used. If she's acutally my friend and just doesn't feel the same way I do, I'm cool with that, but I don't want to be wasting my time trying to get into something with a person that doesn't even see me as a real friend.

 

[xxaru]

IMO, she's just using you dude. Otherwise she'd be calling you when you didnt have assignments. Ironically, I had a similar situation with a chick just recently (Only this girl tried to take me for $300). You can read about it here: http://board.freeones.com/showthread.php?t=115455.

If it was me, next time she decided to call when she needed help, I'd tell her you're busy and will call her back later (just dont call back )... Or do like she does and just dont pick up your phone at all for her.

 

[Breast Master]

Maybe she just wants a study partner, not a boyfriend?

 

[LordVader66]

I don't want to jump to conclusions and tell you something that could end up costing you a friend or hookup. I would give her the benifit of the doubt a couple more times tops. Ask her out somewhere and if she doesn't go or doesn't show up then you pretty much know where you stand. If she gives you a reasonable excuse as to why she cannot go or didn't show then give her one more chance for redemption. After that man...move on and quit wasteing your time.

As far as her using you it does sound like it or it kinda doesn't. Some people find a connection when they are working together because it's an ice breaker. To start a conversation and not talk about the work there is no jumping off point, if you catch my drift.

As far as her not answering her phone, I don't know what to say on that one. Like I said try to get her to go out with you and try to get a feel on what she's about. Ask her questions about ex's and see if you can find any info that way as far as what she looks for in a bf. Mostly man just let her talk about herself as women love to do.

As far as helping her...I wouldn't help her every time she needs it. Make up something like you have tons of work or you are helping another friend or something like that. If she stops calling you all together then you know what s what. It's easy for someone to take advantage of a situation when it's always at their disposal. Just keep that in mind.

Don't do everthing I just rambled on about. Take my advice with a grain of salt and figure out what actions would best fits your unique situation. I can only give advice on my past experience and that is completly different from yours.

 

[Red Spyder]

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt to go with it. You're in school, dude, there's a lot more women there, get to know more of them and don't focus all your energy on only one.

In college there was this girl I really liked but I never seemed to make a good connection with her. At the same time I knew several other girls, including a great girl who ended up being my girlfriend who was a lot nicer than the girl I originally liked.

 

[xxaru]

It feels like I'm a good friend when there's work to be done, but I don't exist outside of school.

Listen to your own thoughts and intuitions bro. Often times they speak the thruth, even though your mind may not want to hear it.:thumbsup:

 

[alexios]

Usually, it's obvious.

 

[bodie54]

Instead of wondering what to make of it reintroduce the skating idea and see where that leads.

 

[calpoon]

We're all fools and we all get played.