I think I've written this before but here goes:
I was tending bar at a place that rhymes with Puffalo Mild Mings in Omaha about 12 years ago when this youngish looking young man and his girlfriend came in and he started smoking at his table. At the time the state had enacted a law that it was illegal for anyone under 18 to even smoke in public places.
I decided he looked a little too young, so I politely asked for I.D. from both of them. He was 22.........barely, and he looked like he was younger. He started bitching about this and I said, " you should take it as a compliment, because when you're older and a bartender doesn't I.D. you, it feels a little insulting." I thanked him and walked away.
I was walking back to the kitchen and he yells across the restaurant "Something, something, MOTHER FUCKER!"
I walked back, smiled and said, "Sir, this is a family place and there are small children present. If you can't control yourself I'll have to ask you to leave." His girlfriend apologized and they went back to eating.
Five minutes later he yelled something similar and I sprinted over and said, "That's it. Get out. You're done. Please leave." He said, "But we haven't finished."
"Oh, you're finished all right." And I swept everything on the table onto a tray.
He went to the front desk and demanded to see a manager and he really laid into him. When I approached to fill my manager in on what was actually said I heard the phrase, "And I want him to apologize."
Thomas, my manager, gave me a look that pleaded me to keep my mouth shut, but me being me, I couldn't.
"You want an apology? You can suck an apology out of my dick." Everything froze and my manager performed the Mother of all face palms. I collected my stuff and didn't look back.