Everyone is deserving of help, instead of judgement ...
I dont think thats quite what the prof meant,
Thanx for pointing that out.
I know so few "defend" me and so many "poke fun" at me.
But I appreciate the few people -- and I
know they are the minority -- who "understand my seemingly 'loony' nature."
This to me does not merit a man who deserves help
Everyone should be shown the possible errors of their ways -- or, more tactfully ...
Everyone should be shown different viewpoints they may have not considered, which may be the reason why they didn't see it as we did.
Not everyone is necessarily "bad" or "wrong" or "doesn't deserve a girlfriend."
Sometimes we totally "miss the point" and "don't realize the obvious" that others do, and need to be told that.
E.g., one time I said to another guy at work that I could "not look her" (a woman we worked with) "in the eye," and I meant it because she was extremely enchanting in her face.
Another woman nearby got pissed at me because she thought I meant I wanted to look at her breasts, and immediately judged me based on that.
It took several days and my "being calm" to get to the realization that this seemingly judgemental woman was a "good woman," she just didn't realize what I said.
You can't believe the "eureka" moment when we finally "got it out" and she and I realized -- which she never explained -- was because she thought I meant breasts!
Within a couple of months she went from thinking I was trash to the most respectful guy she ever knew, even though I told her I was a pig like every other guy underneath.
and frankly if that is his new opinion of his gf, then a few words from the strangers of this board will not save his relationship.
I think he just got harsh on her because he doesn't realize what she meant, and he further took it beyond anything she ever did.
Some of the other people on this board should realize that if we just "shun" people like this guy, and lambast or label him, we're not going to get him to recognize what he's saying or doing.
Who does that help? Really?!
Many have already given the right information about it being fantasy, he has to accept that and move on, the ball is very much in his court. (assuming her ever comes back)
Agreed. All we can do is provide the other viewpoints.
He has to take them and put them to good use, or not.
But it
does get very frustrating when people just instantly "jump on someone" instead of stopping to point out
why some might think he's wrong -- or worse yet -- not deserving of a girlfriend.
So many on this board claim to be "tolerant" and "open minded" yet they are the first to label people and jump on them and -- worst of all -- not give them a chance.
I don't call someone "ignorant" until they are unwilling to stop and learn, and
always, and I mean ALWAYS give people a half dozen chances to do so.
Everyone is ignorant of many things, myself included on many, many matters -- i.e., there are threads I don't enter because I am knowingly ignorant of the facts.
But when people repeatedly state they don't need to learn about anything and can make decisions in that ignorance, that's when it's a problem.
A lot of people grow up with "values" that are not very compatible with the "values" other people have, and it's not "wrong" for them to have them, only "complex" and "troublesome" when they try to apply them to others as if they share the same values.
If people would stop judging and actually realize that not everyone has the same experiences as them, we've have a far more "open minded" people in the world.
But when I see the childish responses like I do here, combined with their similar, headstrong responses in areas where I'm a non-so-common expert, it just makes me shake my head.
It reminds me why I am a true Libertarian in thought, and not just one that "draws a line" and doesn't let people cross.
Because values are not universal, views differ, experiences vary and thoughts aren't always made with the best combination.
I will never fault anyone who makes a possibly "unwise" or "naive" once, twice or even three times, and are willing to step back and look at how their actions may not be wise, after someone points it out.
But until someone does,
without bashing the fuck out of them, they will often
respond negatively, which defeats the purpose.
Unless, of course, the purpose was to be cruel and only add more of that to the world -- which is often the case.
People do it to "feel good about themselves" at the expense of others, which has been my "problem" with a number of people on this board.
They are here to "feel better than others" by bashing those they feel are worse than them, have more money than them, etc...
I only fault those that don't care they make mistakes and don't want to stop and better themselves, who are headstrong and think everyone else is wrong.
Which is really what gets on my nerves when people claim they are "tolerant" and "open minded" and have these "0 tolerance policies" against so-called "bad people."
That's how I define "bad people" -- by their word (lack thereof), by their lack of tolerance, by their "them v. us" non-sense.
We're not talking about murder or rape here, we're talking about a value judgement that was not productive in his relationship, and -- right or wrong -- values are never absolute.
But difference in values and lack of tolerance can cause friction and issues and getting to the heart of that matter is what I'm trying to help him with.
At the same time,
too many people are negatively reinforcing the very attitudes they are rebuking!
Everything else he can figure out himself, or not, as you suggested --
unlike many others in this thread.
