Five Levels of Hangover
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
well. However, you are still parched. You can ***** 5 cokes and still feel
this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but You have
the mental capacity of a staple ***. The coffee you are chugging is only
increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity
pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some de finite
havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her pe rfume reminds you of the
flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to *****. Life
would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet
****--yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else
Premium Link Upgrade ght ****. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has
given you a lecture for reeking of *****. You wore nice clothes, but that
can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.
For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair
hurts. Your Ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five ****'s
you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the
bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the next cube. ***** vapor is seeping out of every
pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners
of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of
the **** fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your
tongue is *********** you. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire
hose like discharge of *******-scented fluid. With a rare 'Floater' thrown
in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet
water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now . .
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
well. However, you are still parched. You can ***** 5 cokes and still feel
this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but You have
the mental capacity of a staple ***. The coffee you are chugging is only
increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity
pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some de finite
havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her pe rfume reminds you of the
flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to *****. Life
would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet
****--yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else
Premium Link Upgrade ght ****. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has
given you a lecture for reeking of *****. You wore nice clothes, but that
can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.
For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair
hurts. Your Ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five ****'s
you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the
bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the next cube. ***** vapor is seeping out of every
pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners
of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of
the **** fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your
tongue is *********** you. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire
hose like discharge of *******-scented fluid. With a rare 'Floater' thrown
in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet
water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now . .
