70 Years Of Incommensurability - Happy Birthday, Chuck Norris!

[bean-Laden]

Are you really 12 years old, or are you posting from a special facility?

You are embarrassing yourself, but I know you think you're a devastating wit, and your opponents are crushed by your sheer brilliance...
or, as is more likely, you need the attention due to a severe lack of a life, and bad attention is better than the total disregard people who know you give you.
Too bad, noob...sucks to be you!:thefinger

It looks like you won the battle of intelligence

 

[Philbert]

It looks like you won the battle of intelligence

What "battle"?
Are you talking about the brainfarts you keep posting? :rofl:

If this was "combat" you'd be listed as a "suicide"...

 

[bean-Laden]

What "battle"?
Are you talking about the brainfarts you keep posting? :rofl:

If this was "combat" you'd be listed as a "suicide"...

Yes, you have won.

 

[anomaly]

.................and religious fanatic!:1orglaugh

 

[NikkiPinder]

70? The world will implode when he passes away.

 

[lurkingdirk]

Anyone can piss on a bathroom floor, Chuck Norris can shit on a bathroom ceiling.

Happy birthday your badass muthafucker. Now everyone, quickly, go out and by the total gym!

 

[gunslingingbird]

Chuck Norris is a puss.

{Runs and hides from the wrath of Chuck Norris}

 

[mrtrebus]

Fuck you Chuck!

 

[Baill Inneraora]

{Runs and hides from the wrath of Chuck Norris}

Oh I'm not scared!

I can bench press a car, I'm an ex football star
with degrees from both Harvard and Yale
Girls just can't keep up, I'm a real love machine
I've had far better sex while in jail
I've designed the Sears Tower, I make two grand an hour
I cook the world's best duck flambe
I'll take the pick of the litter, girls jockey for me
I don't need these lines to get laid

I'm a man of the night, a real ladies delight
See my figure was chiseled from stone
One more for the gal then I'll escort her home
Come last call, I'm never alone
I've a house on the hill with a red water bed
That puts Hugh Heffnor's mansion to shame
With girls by the pool and Italian sports cars
I'm just here in this dump for the game

:glugglug:








(lyrics by the DKM's)

 

[Ace Bandage]

Chuck Norris is 1/5 Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

 

[mrtrebus]

Chuck Norris is 1/5 Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

This is why I HATE Chuck. All these non-funny 'facts'.
Fuck you Chuck
& fuck the interweb!

 

[Ace Bandage]

This is why I HATE Chuck. All these non-funny 'facts'.
Fuck you Chuck
& fuck the interweb!

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. :hatsoff:

 

[mrtrebus]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. :hatsoff:

What does that mean?!? Slam it with what?!? Into what?!? For what purpose?!?
If anything a revolving door would confuse the shit out of him. The meathead!

 

[weinermobile]

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down til' he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T got in a fight once. We call this the Big Bang.

Chuck Norris killed a bear once by looking at it.

 

[GregCentauro]

This is why I HATE Chuck. All these non-funny 'facts'.
Fuck you Chuck
& fuck the interweb!

Replace "Chuck Norris" by "Dale Winton". The "facts" become much funnier instantly.

 

[Ace Bandage]

What does that mean?!? Slam it with what?!? Into what?!? For what purpose?!?

Goddamn it, Treubus! That's the point. It doesn't make sense and it's not supposed to. He is such a badass that he can slam a revolving door. It's impossible, and that's where the funny is hiding. Sort of like this one:

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero.

 

[mrtrebus]

Replace "Chuck Norris" by "Dale Winton". The "facts" become much funnier instantly.

A little bit funnier maybe, but definitely not "much funnier".

 

[Namreg]

chuck norris turns 70 today

but some say chuck norris doesn't turn 70, 70 turns chuck norris.