Would You Share Your Wife?

[Imhotep]

So you're saying it is better if the men just cheat, right? Since men are the ones (by far) who cheat. They don't seem to mind an "open relationship" for themselves, but not their women. Double standard, much?

by far? you are clueless.

 

[Caitlain]

by far? you are clueless.

2/3 of those who cheat are men, 1/3 are women (roughly). Is that not "by far" to you?

 

[om3ga]

No..way...ever!!!

 

[Imagine]

2/3 of those who cheat are men, 1/3 are women (roughly). Is that not "by far" to you?

Again, what's your source? I'm actually curious, because I've searched a bit in the past (and just now) and not managed to find any credible studies (i.e. studies that says anything other than X% men, Y% women). The numbers varied greatly, both in terms of absolute percentage and relative between the genders. By no means would I be surprised if men cheat more, mind you; biologically it makes sense that it would be the case, but I'd like to see the exact relation between the genders.

 

[Caitlain]

Again, what's your source? I'm actually curious, because I've searched a bit in the past (and just now) and not managed to find any credible studies (i.e. studies that says anything other than X% men, Y% women). The numbers varied greatly, both in terms of absolute percentage and relative between the genders. By no means would I be surprised if men cheat more, mind you; biologically it makes sense that it would be the case, but I'd like to see the exact relation between the genders.

A book called "The Monogamy Myth." (Don't recall the author off the top of my head). I don't have it with me, so I can't tell you where she got her stats from. Quite honestly, I haven't seen anything credible that didn't have the figures in that same range (66%/33%). In a Gender Studies class I was in, those were the figures used as well, so I am comfortable with them.

 

[Imhotep]

A book called "The Monogamy Myth." (Don't recall the author off the top of my head). I don't have it with me, so I can't tell you where she got her stats from. Quite honestly, I haven't seen anything credible that didn't have the figures in that same range (66%/33%). In a Gender Studies class I was in, those were the figures used as well, so I am comfortable with them.

written by a woman who was spurned. :1orglaugh

 

[Imagine]

I'll remain skeptical for a while longer then.

For some unfathomable reason, gender studies is mandatory for an engineering degree, and that class could just as well have been named "feminism 101". If I wanted someone to call me a bastard repeatedly 'cause I have a Y chromosome, I'd watch Oprah. I'm not joking, the course literature pretty much blamed everything that is wrong with the world on men.

 

[anomaly]

I wouldn't share my wife. When I make that commitment it will be something sacred between me and my wife. If one wants to fool around with swinging, threesomes, open relationships, etc. while dating I think it is cool. I have indulged in this lifestyle a few times. Marriage is different. This is supposed to be a life long decision, a legal and a spiritual connection(religious or not). Introducing someone else into that equation could be disastrous.:2 cents:

 

[Caitlain]

I'll remain skeptical for a while longer then.

For some unfathomable reason, gender studies is mandatory for an engineering degree, and that class could just as well have been named "feminism 101". If I wanted someone to call me a bastard repeatedly 'cause I have a Y chromosome, I'd watch Oprah. I'm not joking, the course literature pretty much blamed everything that is wrong with the world on men.

Find something credible that suggests otherwise, then. Like I said, every legitimate source I've seen has had figures in that area.

Sounds like you ended up with a shit class. Sorry to hear that. Mine wasn't like that at all.

 

[ChefChiTown]

I didn't necessarily read his post that way, but I can see how you might have considering how often the bogus (imo) "biological imperative" argument is used in an attempt to justify double standards.

I have always HATED that.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people use the argument of "men/women are born that way" when they try to explain why they do certain things.

I had a talk with one of my female friends about this once and she got pretty defensive. She tried to make the argument that women like shopping and dressing sexy because that's how they are born. So, I said to her, "Really? When you're born, do you know what a sale at Macy's is?" She obviously got pretty pissy with me, but I believe I made my point.

Society will "teach" you these things as you grow up. It has absolutely nothing to do with your genetics, but it does have everything to do with your personality and how it develops as you're being raised. It just pisses me off when people use their genetics to justify their actions and how they live their life. Men and women alike.

So you're saying it is better if the men just cheat, right? Since men are the ones (by far) who cheat. They don't seem to mind an "open relationship" for themselves, but not their women. Double standard, much?

First of all, it depends on what your defintion of cheating is. Some people consider it cheating only if you have sex with someone else, some people consider it cheating if you kiss someone else and some people consider it cheating if you're emotionally involved with someone else.

Personally, I know more women than men who have cheated. The only reason people say that men cheat more is because that's what society will have you believe.

"Men are pigs". "Men just want one thing". "Men want to have sex with as many women as possible". That's society talking...not reality.

 

[Caitlain]

The only reason people say that men cheat more is because that's what society will have you believe.

"Men are pigs". "Men just want one thing". "Men want to have sex with as many women as possible". That's society talking...not reality.

I'll issue the same challenge to you. Find something credible to back that up with. I believe similar statistics I provided were found in the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" as well. Most of the people who are issuing those are relationship experts/counselors/psychologists. I can't think of a more legitimate group of people with respect to this subject.

 

[Imagine]

Oh I'm not arguing against the numbers themselves, they are not what I'd consider unreasonable, I just wouldn't set them in stone just yet. There seems to be a shortage of good sources. Since I don't really rely on sources that go "some guy told me that...", it's kinda hard to find any.

 

[Caitlain]

Since I don't really rely on sources that go "some guy told me that...", it's kinda hard to find any.

And I haven't provided you with any. I've given two sources for it now.

 

[Imagine]

Books without original research, yes. Neither of which I have or have any intention of buying. Nor could I find a list of references they use. Possibly I could borrow them, but quite frankly, I'm not interested enough in the subject to spend that much time I don't really have on it. I want studies with actual results, not articles or books that use the results as references, or studies that are built on data that is not quantifiable.

 

[Caitlain]

I want studies with actual results, not articles or books that use the results as references, or studies that are built on data that is not quantifiable.

Okay. Done (See specifically Table 7)

The figures presented show a 2-to-1 correlation between men who've cheated and women who've cheated. Or, in percentage terms (roughly translated), 66% to 33%.

I guess, of course, you'll find some reason to continue to be "skeptical" right?

 

[Imagine]

Actually, that's a pretty good one. Well done.

I can't help but wonder, though. Apart from not accepting your word as fact, have I done anything in particular to offend you?

 

[ChefChiTown]

I'll issue the same challenge to you. Find something credible to back that up with. I believe similar statistics I provided were found in the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" as well. Most of the people who are issuing those are relationship experts/counselors/psychologists. I can't think of a more legitimate group of people with respect to this subject.

Once again, everyone has a different definition of cheating, which means that you should take the statistics from these "reliable" resources with a huge grain of salt.

Here is a huge example of why you need to digest these stats with a grain of salt...

From www.womansavers.com (which is obviously geared towards women)

22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past.

Key word...ADMITTED. Not everyone is going to admit to having an affair.

“Women are sensitive to social expectations for their sexual behavior and may be less than totally honest when asked about their behavior in some survey conditions,” said Terri Fisher, co-author of the study and associate professor of psychology at Ohio State University’s Mansfield campus.

^^^^^
http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/sexsurv.htm

With 44 percent of women and 37 percent of men reporting unfaithful behavior, the results challenge the stereotype that men are more likely to cheat than women, Babin writes in her master's thesis.

^^^^^
http://www.graduateschool.uwm.edu/r...rch-profile/issues/vol-28-no-01/synopsis2.cfm

 

[Caitlain]

Actually, that's a pretty good one. Well done.

I can't help but wonder, though. Apart from not accepting your word as fact, have I done anything in particular to offend you?

Not at all. I just find it irritating (for lack of a better word) that someone can be presented with a list of credible sources for a piece of information and continue to deny that information. Now, granted, in this case, you don't know my background and I am just some random person on the Internet saying I saw statistics, blah, blah, blah, but you really had no basis for not believing them. Did you? lol

I didn't mean to make you think you'd done anything to offend me. Sorry if I did. <3

 

[BlueBalls]

Would you share yours?

 

[Imagine]

Heh, you're an interesting one, I'll give you that. I'm not sure if I should curse at you or ask you out.