Virgin crisis

[Progressive Psi]

Hi, everyone. I'm new here to freeones messageboard, but not the site. I can honestly say it's rather incredible, especially when pornstars reply here.

Well, I'm here today to express a little problem of mine: Getting older. Usually, college life for a 22 year old guy is suppose to consist of studies, parties, and girls. Sadly enough, it's been mainly two out of three. I'm not very good at attracting women despite the fact I'm a pretty handsome and intelligent guy. I'm an honor student with dean's list credibility and a tremendous work ethic and willingness to help people. But when it comes to relationships, I'm overlooked. I know sex isn't important when it comes to a real, emotional relationship, but even there I haven't had luck. I'm staring 23 years in the face with my upcoming birthday and I'm still a virgin. Not to mention the fact I'm a virgin with sexual curiosities.

My parents encourage me to see strippers and for real sexual experience escorts (yet my mother feels I don't give myself enough credit) while my friends tell me to just play the one night stand game, wait for the right person, or pick up a drunk woman at the bar. Some say my problem is socialization: I don't get out much. Although I don't go out very much, I do have friends, and even female friends, so I must be doing something right. On a side note, the vast majority of my female friends just see me as a friend and half have boyfriends. I thought I wanted a real relationship, but when I learned that two people can't live off love alone (especially when it comes to financial hardship,) I had to put the idea on hold and consider escorts. Some have said one night stands are the way to go, but the deception factor for me is too high. I don't believe in lying to a woman just to get into her pants. I guess it's my belief in karma because I wouldn't want a woman to lie to me and make me believe I was the world when in reality I was being used for sex.

Others have even suggested waiting for the right person, but as I've seen from other dating sites, that special someone takes a long time to appear. In addition to that, my friends seem to think paying for sex is the most awful thing a man could ever do.

What do you think of my dilemma and what suggestions do you have for me to help resolve this?

 

[Skyraider22]

Well first thing first you are still a virgin.You have to get out and feel that sexual tension and do some things do get me wrong waiting for the right one is great. But you will drive yourself stircrazy without sexual release.Just date as much as you canand when you feel that spark go for it .The worse thing she can say is no and if that is the only thing you have to worry about is a lady saying no then you are in good shape:thumbsup:

 

[ChefChiTown]

Usually, college life for a 22 year old guy is suppose to consist of studies, parties, and girls.

That's what society will tell you. Reality will tell you otherwise.

I'm an honor student with dean's list credibility and a tremendous work ethic and willingness to help people.

Girls like that. You should be proud of that.

I know sex isn't important when it comes to a real, emotional relationship...

Wrong. Sex is important, but ONLY when you're in a real, emotional and loving relationship. Just going out and "getting laid" is fucking bullshit and it doesn't mean a God damned thing. Don't confuse the two.

I'm staring 23 years in the face with my upcoming birthday and I'm still a virgin.

So? Once again, girls like that. You should be proud of that. You're not some chump who just wants to get his rocks off with the this first girl who is willing to hop into bed with you. That's a good thing, guy. Seriously, don't think that being a virgin is a bad thing...it's not.

My parents encourage me to see strippers and for real sexual experience escorts (yet my mother feels I don't give myself enough credit)

A) That's kinda weird that your parents would encourage you to do that
B) Moms always think their sons don't give themselves enough credit

while my friends tell me to just play the one night stand game

Don't do that. You've waited 23 years for the right girl to come along, so don't waste that and make your effort meaningless.

On a side note, the vast majority of my female friends just see me as a friend and half have boyfriends.

I'm in the same boat. Let's paddle together, shall we? :1orglaugh

Others have even suggested waiting for the right person, but as I've seen from other dating sites, that special someone takes a long time to appear. In addition to that, my friends seem to think paying for sex is the most awful thing a man could ever do.

What do you think of my dilemma and what suggestions do you have for me to help resolve this?

Wait for the right person. Good things come to those who wait, especially when it comes to relationships, love and sex. Don't be an idiot and go pay for sex. Yeah, you'll probably get your rocks off, but then feel like shit in the morning for what you did. Don't be that guy.

My suggestion is pretty simple and obvious...

Don't worry about it.

I've only had sex with one girl during my whole life and I'm 27. I haven't had sex in over 6, almost 7 years. Yup, feel free to chuckle. But, seriously...does it matter? :dunno: Pfft, fuck no. Hell, to be honest, I wish I was still a virgin. That way, when I actually did meet the right girl, she would know that I saved myself for her and everything would feel so much better; the sex and the relationship.

 

[Skyraider22]

Chef that is damn good of you most men would not admit that and it makes alot of sense:hatsoff: No need to laugh you got heart

 

[mongo18]

I wouldn't want a woman to lie to me and make me believe I was the world when in reality I was being used for sex.

Why the fuck not??????

That might be the core of your problem. You're waiting for some example of spiritual/intellectual/physical perfection to come along and everything to be just right and the planets to align just right, when in reality your first sex is supposed to be an embarrassing, uncomfortable fumble-in-the-dark.

You sound like you're on the right track, currently. Stay focused on your school, get the money/car/house etc and women will come. Believe it or not, girls your age are almost as stupid as guys your age. Right now, they may be dating the loudest moron at the party who can drink the most beer, throw up on the lawn and get into a fight, but in a few years time when he's working late to try to make the payments on his trailer, you'll be the one with the time and money to rake in the fluff.

And if you really are waiting for your soul mate or some similar crap, don't panic, just go about your life and you'll meet her eventually. If you go looking you'll never find her.


I hope that made some sense, I'm tired and I know it wasn't exactly how I wanted to say it....

 

[Teddy X]

Why the fuck not??????

That might be the core of your problem. You're waiting for some example of spiritual/intellectual/physical perfection to come along and everything to be just right and the planets to align just right, when in reality your first sex is supposed to be an embarrassing, uncomfortable fumble-in-the-dark.

You sound like you're on the right track, currently. Stay focused on your school, get the money/car/house etc and women will come. Believe it or not, girls your age are almost as stupid as guys your age. Right now, they may be dating the loudest moron at the party who can drink the most beer, throw up on the lawn and get into a fight, but in a few years time when he's working late to try to make the payments on his trailer, you'll be the one with the time and money to rake in the fluff.

True stuff right there....

 

[L3ggy]

I couldn't agree with you more chef.

 

[Yankeefan21325]

Thats only true if you are on the football team, for the rest of us not so much, I was in the exact same boat you are in collegem, plenty of female friends, but not once in college did I have sex so dont beat yourself up:thumbsup: But listen man, I was so ready to have sex by the time I was 23(I'm 25 now), that I just said fuck it and had sex with the first girl that wanted to with me. I felt so bad about being with a girl without a relationship that I asked her out and was miserable the whole time. I got migranes and upset stomache just from being around this girl, yet I thought I was doing the right thing because I had slept with her. So what I'm driving at is don't have sex just for the sake of having it, it will lead you nowhere. Be proud of who you are, not embarrassed. Most of all just be yourself and the right girl will come along and make it worth it. I agree with chef, I wish I was still a virgin myself. My motto is never settle for less when you will someday have exactly what you want. For now your in college, just enjoy it, party and hang with your friends because you'll miss it when its gone, so don't spend the college days being down. And if sex happens it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt, it's no big deal. You sound like you'd be a great catch for some girl, and someday one will realize that. Welcome to freeones by the way.:wave:

 

[Galactic]

First, welcome to the boards. Second, nice post man, really. Such openness and honesty is refreshing. Third, yet another great post by Chef. Good words, there.

I feel you bro, I do. Those words that you put down could have been written by me a few years ago. Seriously. All I can say is DO NOT run out and sleep with the first woman you find yourself able to sleep with. I did, and it was a mistake. Who cares if you are a virgin? It doesn't matter what society, or anyone other than you, feel about it. It is an important step in one's life, not one to be thrown away lightly or without thought just because 12 year olds are banging away, so that means I should too, right? NO!

I say you hang in there, and just keep doing what you are doing. Be yourself. I'll say it again, even though it is very cliche. Be yourself. One more time. BE YOURSELF. Don't start trying to live your life in any way or fashion because you perceive that is what you should be doing. Do what you want to do. I say with full confidence that you will meet a special girl who will knock your socks off, and it can happen so fast sometimes, without any warning, it can make your head spin.

I had just about written off the possibility of EVER finding someone incredibly special, and was not actively looking for anything, when I came face to face with the most beautiful creature I have ever encountered in 32 years of stomping away down here on this rock. I have not had many relationships, and don't really have a clue what I am doing, but wha I have going right now is just magical.

I'm not trying to rub anything in here, but just trying to be a voice of understanding and compassion, and hopefully inspire you to not do anything rash because TV tells you that you should be doing this, and you should look like that, and you should be sleeping with her. Keep being the nice guy.....there aren't that many of us it seems, and it WILL happen. At the same time, keep your eyes and heart open....you have to be able to recognize it when it does happen, and it will, my man.

I was a virgin a long time, and my regret now is that I didn't stay that way to be able to share it with the person I have found now. But, I cannot, but I CAN tell you that there is NOTHING wrong with it........nothing. It is a part of who YOU are....don't sell yourself out because some video full of booty shorts is telling you something else. The lightning will strike, my friend......trust me.

G

 

[Progressive Psi]

Thank you, everyone. I really appreciate your words of wisdom and encouragement. Before I got here, I cried at my desktop sometimes thinking about the happiness of a romantic relationship that I lack along with sex. But reading all of your words, (special thanks to Chef,mongo18,Yankeefan21325, and galactic1111) gives me solace and courage to continue. I'm a good person at heart. I don't drink; I don't smoke; and I don't use drugs. I'm certainly a porn enthusiast, but I know where to draw the line. I was close to actually getting Sara Jay (who is a favorite performer of mine) as my first sexual experience, but I turned the offer down because of all that has been said here: Good things come to those who wait.

 

[Torre82]

Hi, everyone. I'm new here to freeones messageboard, but not the site. I can honestly say it's rather incredible, especially when pornstars reply here.

Well, I'm here today to express a little problem of mine: Getting older. Usually, college life for a 22 year old guy is suppose to consist of studies, parties, and girls. Sadly enough, it's been mainly two out of three. I'm not very good at attracting women despite the fact I'm a pretty handsome and intelligent guy. I'm an honor student with dean's list credibility and a tremendous work ethic and willingness to help people. But when it comes to relationships, I'm overlooked. I know sex isn't important when it comes to a real, emotional relationship, but even there I haven't had luck. I'm staring 23 years in the face with my upcoming birthday and I'm still a virgin.

Here's the issue: Politically correct bullshit.

Being a hard worker, being nice.. being useful doesnt get you laid. It DOES help keep a girl longer when you do actually land one, though.

Go to a bar, be a complete dickhead. You'll get laid guaranteed.

That's the sad truth of it.

Honestly, the whole sex thing is THAT fucked up. Accept it or be lonely. I know I'd rather have a warm bed than feel guilty that I've treated an idiot badly. I started off perfectly. Exceptionally nice, super work ethic.. no drugs, no drink. It just doesnt work. It absolutely doesnt help to follow the rules in this life. You have.. what has it rewarded you? Jack shit. Move on. Live a little. The dickheads are getting laid, you arent. The nice girls are getting pregnant, you arent the father. That's the truth of it.

::yeah I'm bitter, but it works in my favor if I treat them like they (obviously) want to be treated::

 

[Will E Worm]

Virgin crisis

Why is being a virgin a crisis? :dunno:

 

[Galactic]

Why is being a virgin a crisis? :dunno:

I think it's a good word choice.....our society in the good ol' U.S. of A has made it seem like it is indeed a crisis if you are still a virgin.

Which is total bullshit.

 

[Will E Worm]

I think it's a good word choice.....our society in the good ol' U.S. of A has made it seem like it is indeed a crisis if you are still a virgin.

Which is total bullshit.

Then they wonder why AIDS is a pandemic and herpes is far too prevalent.

I wonder...

 

[senob44]

I don't think one night stands are such a bad thing. I think part of your problem is that you equate them with lying for some reason. And I hate this idea presented by some that only assholes get the girls and good guys just end up lonely. That is just a bitter generalization. If you're a handsome, confident and a hard working fella you shouldn't have to lie to get a girl to have sex with you. Girls like sex too, and not all of them have a need to be in love just to have sex.

Personally, I admire guys who only want to have sex with girls that they love and who love them back. But you don't sound like that type to me. It sounds like you want to have sex but are just having trouble getting girlfriends.

My personal philosophy is that we all should be searching for that perfect girl that we love, unless we already have her, of course. But why not have some fun in the meantime? You seriously do NOT have to play games and lie your ass off or get girls drunk to have sex with them. Just keep trying and find the ones that really want it. This will not prevent you from finding the right girl. You still keep yourself open for getting into a relationship, give every girl a chance for that. Just because a girl will have sex on the first date doesn't mean she can't be relationship material.

Everyone has different sexual needs and desires. If it is only society and peer pressure that are causing you to want to have sex, then by all means wait until you are in the right situation when it feels right to do so. But if you are ready NOW, you are going to have to go out more often and meet as many girls as you can. This will not only increase your chances for sex, but also increase your chances of finding the right true love for you. Walk up to girls on the street and ask them out. Every time you see a hot girl, approach her and try to start a conversation. It takes some balls and it sure doesn't work every time, but it works enough to be worth it. Confidence is the key. Just my take on it.

 

[Funkwerkz]

Chef made a wonderful explanation. Senob's views are also pretty true.

Well, i'm 25 and haven't had sex till now. If you don't count daily masturbation, i am a virgin too. I am not afraid of one night stands and self destructed relationships (i have lost 6 great ladies and had 1 amazing lady who i have lost connection).

I have almost no nightlife, just don't like Turkish night clubs. I like drinking just one glass of dry whiskey or beer during whole night. I just don't like drinking like a sponge. I prefer going to a fine restaurant and having peaceful dinner (candles and so...) with a nice lady. I really miss my ultimate flirt aka the England days with that amazing lady.

Girls in Turkland (Turkey) have very different points of view to relationships, their understanding of demand and mines are so different like north and south poles. Personally, i feel more comfortable with non-Turkish girls. That's why i always suck at relationships in Istanbul.

So, do i have a virgin crisis too?

 

[nearlyinvisible]

Progressive Psi,

I was you and I know the feeling.

I was a virgin until 27. I have never done drugs or smoke, and I think alcohol is totally overrated. I was attractive and I had great friendships with men and women. I certainly wasn't a nerd but my studies were very important to me.

I wasn't the type of guy that could "take advantage" of a woman. Furthermore, I was rather picky about who was the ideal woman for me so it limited my options even further. But that's ok, I deserved what was right for me.

Once I was out of college and working, I found it much easier to find good girls. Actually they found me. Girls would often ask if I was single. Furthermore, I even had parents trying to get me to go out with their daughters. I did alot of casual dating for a while but I wasn't going to have sex just to have sex. I waited for the right girl.

Now I am 30. It has all paid off. My friends that were partying and fucking like crazy in college have nothing to show for it. I have a great job, a great house, a great car, and a great girlfriend.

Like the others have said, take your time. You deserve what is right for you and the best is yet to come. Continue to work on your studies. And, don't obsess about sex too much. It will only set you up for disappointment. The images on sites like Freeones mess with your mind. Furthermore, what your friends have to say about sex is probably bullshit (everyone exaggerates).

It might seem kind of dumb but at least you don't have to worry about pregnancy scares and STDs. I had a cousin that had a kid at 18. Her life was then over.

Let your life begin and then find who is right for you. Don't compromise yourself. The right girl is out there for you. When you find the right girl, then you will have the sex you desire and deserve.

 

[Becks...poamr]

I'm in the same boat. Let's paddle together, shall we? :1orglaugh

Progressive Psi, I think he's coming on to you!!!




Seriously, you've gotten a lot of good advice. Just continue like you're doing, and some grateful woman will snap you right up. Be patient, if you can.

 

[jibbijib]

It's only a crisis since your putting the pussy up on a pedestel. There's some sound advice in here if you want to be friends with every girl you meet. Girls find virginity attractive up to a point. I'd say after your 23, it won't be so attractive anymore.

What people are forgetting is that you have to play the field to see what type of girl fits your lifestyle. That's why there is dating. Also it's great to experience sex with different girls so then you can learn how to better yourself, or what type of sexual being you like.

You can go ahead and be friends with every girl, but you aren't going to get anywhere with one if that's all you know how to do. You have to learn to be able to not care if they like you or not. That's what creates the attraction. If you watch other guys who always have girls hanging off them, you will notice that they seem more interested in just having a good time and doing whatever they want than whether they make the girls happy or not.

You have to remember you are a male. A provider of goods. It's not your duty to be keeper of the home. That's left up to a woman because of her emotional attachment to a "home" And I don't mean it in a sexist way at all. They are the ones who try to bring emotional balance to a relationship. If you are trying to do this all the time, you will get no where. Straight women are not attracted to eachother in that way simply for that reason. If you are the advice guy, they will never want to risk their friendship with you, because they don't want to lose great advice. You woun't give great advice that will make her want to fuck you. Simple as that.

You're a self proclaimed good looking guy, so take advantage of that. There's guys out there who are dying to be like you and they would be getting as many girls as they could if they were in your shoes. It's a man's instinct to hunt, and since we don't hunt for our food anymore, the hunting have now been focused on the women. The game has just gotten harder with time, and you gotta have better tecniques.

I'm sorry to say, but the nice guy act doesn't get you relationships and sex at all. It only gets you friends. And to be honest, no guy wants to "just be friends" with an attractive woman. It doesn't work like that at all.

I honestly think you should just let go of this saint like attitude for a while and just have fun for once in your life. Now is the time because at least your young and able and things are much better at this age. It's great to be able to look back on your life and say "Wow, look at all that awesome fun I had and those crazy experiences.". Don't do it for other people, do it for yourself. Wouldn't you love to have some wicked stories to tell to your grandchildren?

Get out and experience life. Have sex with as many girls as you want. Who said sex had to be absolutely meaningless. You can make it into a game of, "how many girl's worlds can I rock this week/month?". Sex is a part of life, it's not some magical once in a lifetime deal. The more experience you get, the better you are. Plus if you explore with girls, then you get the satisfaction of pleasing women in a different way. You don't just have to straight have sex you know, theres also other things like foreplay and such.

Anyway, it's up to you. You can have sex as much as you like and be successful in life. It really is possible. Women will be amazed at how well you have your life set up, especially after you rock their world. Not only will you get sex whenever you want it, but girls will be lining up to be your girlfriend and such.

My buddy is in college, and has had tons of partners. Of course he did it in good taste. BUt right now, there's boatloads of girls that want to be his girlfriend. And he does amazingly well in school, and sports.

So it's your call, really. Have a full life, or have 2/3rds of a life.

 

[ChefChiTown]

I think it's a good word choice.....our society in the good ol' U.S. of A has made it seem like it is indeed a crisis if you are still a virgin.

Which is total bullshit.

Yup. Society fucks with so many people and ruins any sort of true "meaning" and true emotions involved with almost anything intimate. For example (and this is a dumb story)...

I met this girl a while back and, long story short, we ended up going out on a date. After that date, I walked her back to her house (we went to a nearby restaurant and it was nice outside). When we were standing at her door, I was kind of nervous because I hadn't been on a date in a really, really long time and I didn't know if she was "expecting" anything, so that's why I was kind of nervous, because I didn't want to do the wrong thing.

Anyway, I've mentioned before on this board that I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy and, that night, I stayed true to my roots. We had a really good time with eachother and decided to go out some more because of it. While saying goodnight, I had to make a choice; kiss her or don't kiss her? So, I went with my gut feeling. I took her hand, I told her that I had a really great time and that I would call her later. Then, I kissed her hand and said goodnight. She got a big smile on her face because she thought it was really sweet of me to do so.

I told one of my friends that same story and she laughed at me. And, I mean LAUGHED at me.

"You kissed her hand? What are you, some kind of homo? HAHAHAHA, you FAG!!! Who does that? You're supposed to kiss her on the lips, you weirdo. What is this, the 1400's? HAHAHAHA!!!"

She told all of her friends and all of her friends laughed at me, saying the same kind of things. Honestly, I still don't see what is so funny about what I did, but it's a good example as to how society makes people believe that they should live up to certain intimate "expectations".

Society's Math
Kiss a girl on the lips = You're so cool and smooth; good for you
Kiss a girl on the hand = You're such a dorky loser; shame on you

:dunno:

Nice guys finish last...