I dislike disagreeing with you. But a reasonable human being. A 40 year old pornographic actress to stayed in an abusive relationship for 18 years? She sounds like she was incredibly weak to me.
My ****** was ******. My ****** was ******. I love them both very much. But they were not strong people while they were going through that. They acted very weakly. And the weaker they acted. The more they seemed to get ****** - especially my ******.
I am tired of people feeling so sorry for women that get ****** and blaming the men completely. Especially those that have ********. I have never hit a woman in my life. But I have seen it (as I am sure many of us have). And feeling sorry for them does nothing. You tell them to stop feeling sorry for themselves and leave the asshole. For if you stay in an abusive relationship - that you can end. And you KNOW he will keep hitting you. And you still stay. Then you have to take some of the responsibility yourself. Not most of it. Not even nearly half of it. But some of it.
If someone points a *** at your head and says he will shoot you if you don't move away. BUt he won't if you do. And you believe him and you don't move away. And he then shoots you. Although it his mostly his fault. You were dumb enough or scared enough to keep standing there. You have to bare a small part of the responsibility for your death.
She left the guy - eventually. That is the only reasonable thing she has done in my book.
This is not directed at you AH in particular. I just get sick of people giving ****** women more credit then some of them deserve. Leave the guy (at least try) and then I will respect them. Otherwise, especially if ******** are involved, no chance.