There is so much to say about the famous Superman film saga, and I happen to like these films (well, some of them). Of course, all of the Superman films had their share of stupidity. I’m aware the Superman series is supposed to be one of the lighter and more friendly of the comic book films, but still, there’s no excuse for these movies to come up with idiotic concepts and plot holes. So here’s my top 10 STUPIDEST Superman moments in films:
10) The dumb-ass kid from Niagara Falls (Superman II)
How stupid of a kid can you be? Where were his parents when he was leaning back and forth on the railing, while being exposed to his potential watery grave down under? He kinda reminds me of that kid playing hopscotch off a cliff from the cover of Korn’s “Follow the Leader” album.
9) Romantic flying scene recap (Superman IV)
When I first saw the romantic flying scene with Superman and Lois in the 1st Superman film, it was a feel-good charming scene with any other mushy descriptions you can think of. When I saw a similar scene take place in the 4th film, they practically repeated the 1st flying scene, screen after screen! In fact, Lois doesn’t even try to ponder the fact that her co-worker of 20 years was Superman all along. It was unoriginal, uninspiring, and more importantly, POINTLESS! As you may recall, Superman ends up giving Lois the mind-scrambling kiss (I’ll talk about that later), giving this scene absolutely no purpose at all.
8) The woman and the baby carriage (Superman II)
I’m sensing a pattern that a lot of mothers in the Superman films act like a bunch of idiots (especially Lois in Superman Returns), and this particular scene takes the cake. Remember the scene where that large tower is about fall on this woman? What does she do? She covers the baby with her own body, making absolutely no attempt to run (They’re called legs, you moron – use them!). With a falling tower weighing over 50,000 lbs, I highly doubt that simply covering your baby would really do much good, anyway. Quite frankly, this scene reminds me why sometimes you need a license in order to be a parent.
7) The special effects of Superman IV
There were so many obvious wire shots in this film – it was almost like no made an attempt to cover them. Also, there was a scene where Superman lands on the moon’s surface, while obvious black stage curtains cold be seen in the background, which is supposed to be outer space (What the fuck am I watching – an Ed Wood movie?) There’s also a scene which Superman is carrying the Statue of Liberty, which looked so abysmal to see, and of course, there’s that stupid blue-screen shot of superman flying to the scene of the action - being used over AND over AND over again. This looks like a job for – Photoshop.
6) Those STUPID Clark Kent glasses
How come no one can see through Clark’s glasses? Is it really THAT subtle of a disguise? Somebody fuckin’ notice him! It really amazes me that Clark can fool everyone with these extra pair of eyes. This concept is so flawed that so many other people have made fun of it, such as The Tick, Deadpool, Mystery Men, and many more. If you can’t see through Clark’s glasses, then apparently, you need glasses (and that’s no shame).
5) The birth of Nuclear Man (Superman IV)
I find it rather perplexing that a creature can be created with a nuclear explosion on the earth’s sun with a strand of Superman’s hair (dumbass concept). How is this villain born with skin-tight spandex and a cape? Did Lex Luthor somehow steal a strand of Superman’s costume? What DNA structure says this can be done? So when it’s all said and done, Nuclear Man’s birthday day is literally a suit.
4) The opening of Superman III
A movie doomed from the start. Just take a good look at the opening credits; the other Superman films had the opening credits flying through space, while this film’s credits looked like they were added in at the last minute; all they do is subtly scroll down at the bottom of the screen like Star Wars. After that, it pretty much turns into a half-assed Three Stooges rip-off. We basically see a series of human dominoes falling down, misery after misery. It’s like watching a game of mouse trap! Does this remind you of a Superman movie in any way? The title screen simply passes by and you would hardly ever notice it. They even put in a mime to top off all of the cliché comedic antics of the opening scene for crying out loud! Hardly any of these antics made little cohesion to the story’s main plot, and this honestly, does not seem real at all. (cue the “wa-wa” music). Worse of all, NONE of it was funny!
3) Superman’s mind-scrambling kiss (Superman II and IV)
As we all know, Superman gives Lois a kiss near the end of the 2nd film and in the 4th film to erase all of her knowledge of Clark being Superman. How the fuck does this power work? Is there a mind-altering breath mint he uses, or does Superman’s tongue work its way to Lois’ brain cells? None of the comics confirmed that Superman actually possessed this power, either (thank you, Richard Lester *COUGH* sarcasm *COUGH*). Also, why doesn’t he use this power against his villains? I know that it would be rather weird, unusual and gross to a lot of people, but he can save so many lives that way! He could fly up to Lex Luthor, give him the amnesia kiss, and leave Lex into thinking, “who the fuck am I?” I know, that may have sounded somewhat disturbing, but think about the good that can come out of that!
2) Richard Pryor in Superman III
I think someone forgot to tell Pryor how to act when he signed on to this film. In fact, there was really nothing to laugh about whenever Richard came onto the screen. This wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have longer screen time than Superman himself. I don’t know who’s to blame here – the director, producers, writers, Pryor, or maybe all of the above. And yes, I do believe Pryor was on crack during the film shoot of Superman III. What the hell happened here?
1) Spinning the earth backwards (Superman I)
One of the biggest hop-outs in Superman history. As the film ends, Superman ends up flying around the earth in order for the planet to go backwards in time, in order to stop the other missile and save Lois. So where do I begin? 1st of all, if stopped the earth and spin it back in time, you wouldn’t time travel; people would just fall off the goddamn thing! 2nd, if Superman can fly fast enough to spin the earth backwards, then why the hell could he not get both missiles launched by Lex? 3rd, if he went back to save Lois, there must be another Superman stopping the one other missile from before, which means there should be 2 Supermen flying around; and if Lois didn’t die thanks to Superman’s supposed time travel, doesn’t that mean he wouldn’t have any reason to spin the earth back to begin with? Lastly, why hasn’t he done this before? There is absolutely no logic and no reasoning behind this concept, and there is no way this makes any sense at all.
*Special Mention: Brandon Routh and Kate Bosworth in Superman Returns
While these two weren’t horrible in their roles as Superman and Lois Lane, they were pretty bland most of the time. On top of that, they still looked like they were in high school! I practically saw kids dressing up for Halloween in Superman Returns instead of All-American icons from the 1st film. It was like Dawson’s Creek collided with the Superman franchise at the same time (oh wait a minute…)
That's all I have to say, so I'm off to do whatever the fuck I do (oh shit, I think I got hit with someone's mind-scrambling kiss...)
10) The dumb-ass kid from Niagara Falls (Superman II)
How stupid of a kid can you be? Where were his parents when he was leaning back and forth on the railing, while being exposed to his potential watery grave down under? He kinda reminds me of that kid playing hopscotch off a cliff from the cover of Korn’s “Follow the Leader” album.
9) Romantic flying scene recap (Superman IV)
When I first saw the romantic flying scene with Superman and Lois in the 1st Superman film, it was a feel-good charming scene with any other mushy descriptions you can think of. When I saw a similar scene take place in the 4th film, they practically repeated the 1st flying scene, screen after screen! In fact, Lois doesn’t even try to ponder the fact that her co-worker of 20 years was Superman all along. It was unoriginal, uninspiring, and more importantly, POINTLESS! As you may recall, Superman ends up giving Lois the mind-scrambling kiss (I’ll talk about that later), giving this scene absolutely no purpose at all.
8) The woman and the baby carriage (Superman II)
I’m sensing a pattern that a lot of mothers in the Superman films act like a bunch of idiots (especially Lois in Superman Returns), and this particular scene takes the cake. Remember the scene where that large tower is about fall on this woman? What does she do? She covers the baby with her own body, making absolutely no attempt to run (They’re called legs, you moron – use them!). With a falling tower weighing over 50,000 lbs, I highly doubt that simply covering your baby would really do much good, anyway. Quite frankly, this scene reminds me why sometimes you need a license in order to be a parent.
7) The special effects of Superman IV
There were so many obvious wire shots in this film – it was almost like no made an attempt to cover them. Also, there was a scene where Superman lands on the moon’s surface, while obvious black stage curtains cold be seen in the background, which is supposed to be outer space (What the fuck am I watching – an Ed Wood movie?) There’s also a scene which Superman is carrying the Statue of Liberty, which looked so abysmal to see, and of course, there’s that stupid blue-screen shot of superman flying to the scene of the action - being used over AND over AND over again. This looks like a job for – Photoshop.
6) Those STUPID Clark Kent glasses
How come no one can see through Clark’s glasses? Is it really THAT subtle of a disguise? Somebody fuckin’ notice him! It really amazes me that Clark can fool everyone with these extra pair of eyes. This concept is so flawed that so many other people have made fun of it, such as The Tick, Deadpool, Mystery Men, and many more. If you can’t see through Clark’s glasses, then apparently, you need glasses (and that’s no shame).
5) The birth of Nuclear Man (Superman IV)
I find it rather perplexing that a creature can be created with a nuclear explosion on the earth’s sun with a strand of Superman’s hair (dumbass concept). How is this villain born with skin-tight spandex and a cape? Did Lex Luthor somehow steal a strand of Superman’s costume? What DNA structure says this can be done? So when it’s all said and done, Nuclear Man’s birthday day is literally a suit.
4) The opening of Superman III
A movie doomed from the start. Just take a good look at the opening credits; the other Superman films had the opening credits flying through space, while this film’s credits looked like they were added in at the last minute; all they do is subtly scroll down at the bottom of the screen like Star Wars. After that, it pretty much turns into a half-assed Three Stooges rip-off. We basically see a series of human dominoes falling down, misery after misery. It’s like watching a game of mouse trap! Does this remind you of a Superman movie in any way? The title screen simply passes by and you would hardly ever notice it. They even put in a mime to top off all of the cliché comedic antics of the opening scene for crying out loud! Hardly any of these antics made little cohesion to the story’s main plot, and this honestly, does not seem real at all. (cue the “wa-wa” music). Worse of all, NONE of it was funny!
3) Superman’s mind-scrambling kiss (Superman II and IV)
As we all know, Superman gives Lois a kiss near the end of the 2nd film and in the 4th film to erase all of her knowledge of Clark being Superman. How the fuck does this power work? Is there a mind-altering breath mint he uses, or does Superman’s tongue work its way to Lois’ brain cells? None of the comics confirmed that Superman actually possessed this power, either (thank you, Richard Lester *COUGH* sarcasm *COUGH*). Also, why doesn’t he use this power against his villains? I know that it would be rather weird, unusual and gross to a lot of people, but he can save so many lives that way! He could fly up to Lex Luthor, give him the amnesia kiss, and leave Lex into thinking, “who the fuck am I?” I know, that may have sounded somewhat disturbing, but think about the good that can come out of that!
2) Richard Pryor in Superman III
I think someone forgot to tell Pryor how to act when he signed on to this film. In fact, there was really nothing to laugh about whenever Richard came onto the screen. This wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have longer screen time than Superman himself. I don’t know who’s to blame here – the director, producers, writers, Pryor, or maybe all of the above. And yes, I do believe Pryor was on crack during the film shoot of Superman III. What the hell happened here?
1) Spinning the earth backwards (Superman I)
One of the biggest hop-outs in Superman history. As the film ends, Superman ends up flying around the earth in order for the planet to go backwards in time, in order to stop the other missile and save Lois. So where do I begin? 1st of all, if stopped the earth and spin it back in time, you wouldn’t time travel; people would just fall off the goddamn thing! 2nd, if Superman can fly fast enough to spin the earth backwards, then why the hell could he not get both missiles launched by Lex? 3rd, if he went back to save Lois, there must be another Superman stopping the one other missile from before, which means there should be 2 Supermen flying around; and if Lois didn’t die thanks to Superman’s supposed time travel, doesn’t that mean he wouldn’t have any reason to spin the earth back to begin with? Lastly, why hasn’t he done this before? There is absolutely no logic and no reasoning behind this concept, and there is no way this makes any sense at all.
*Special Mention: Brandon Routh and Kate Bosworth in Superman Returns
While these two weren’t horrible in their roles as Superman and Lois Lane, they were pretty bland most of the time. On top of that, they still looked like they were in high school! I practically saw kids dressing up for Halloween in Superman Returns instead of All-American icons from the 1st film. It was like Dawson’s Creek collided with the Superman franchise at the same time (oh wait a minute…)
That's all I have to say, so I'm off to do whatever the fuck I do (oh shit, I think I got hit with someone's mind-scrambling kiss...)
