bigdan1110 said:
I hate that man so much. He needs to go back to texas. He is hillarious though.
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The Official Freeone's Joke Thread
- Thread starter Summer
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I hate that man so much. He needs to go back to texas. He is hillarious though.
member20672
Closed Account
A poem to use on the wife/girlfriend
Roses are red
It’s all elementary
Let’s ring up a friend
And try double entry
Roses are red
It’s all elementary
Let’s ring up a friend
And try double entry
member20672
Closed Account
+ Topical Joke
The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird
flu.
If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment
immediately:
1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield.
The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird
flu.
If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment
immediately:
1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield.
member20672
Closed Account
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually
mean...)
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred
banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one
jurassic geezer.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest
dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you
spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from
all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half
gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even
date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the
same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring
and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it
actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell
you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and
have sex with. It's that male perspective thing)
___________________________________________________
In response... The male perspective on the same issue ...
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually
mean...)
10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it
actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)
mean...)
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred
banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one
jurassic geezer.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest
dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you
spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from
all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half
gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even
date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the
same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring
and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it
actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell
you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and
have sex with. It's that male perspective thing)
___________________________________________________
In response... The male perspective on the same issue ...
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually
mean...)
10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it
actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)
A joke you tell at a friend's expense:
So, these three dwarves are standing outside their stoof having a random conversation when the topic of the Guiness World Book of Records comes up.
The first dwarf interrupts, "You know what boys? I should try and set a record. I seriously have the smallest hands in the world, I can't even hold a can with one hand." The other dwarves look at his hands and agree, which causes the second dwarf to reply.
"I know what you mean, I must seriously have the smallest feet in the world. I wear drinking cups as shoes and even the slighest gust of wind causes me to tip right over." Sure enough, his size of his feet was no lie. Finally, the third dwarf enters the conversation.
"You boys haven't seen anything. I, my friends, have the smallest dick in the world. Even my pubic hair is longer than it." Just like his friends before him, the third dwarf's claims were no lie. So, all three decide to go to the library the next morning and verify if they are possibly the world record holders in their respected categories.
Next morning, all three dwarves enter the library and begin their research. Upon exiting a short while later, the first dwarf shouts: "I did it! I did it! I do have the smallest hands in the world!"
The second dwarf follows in celebration: "Me too! I did it! I have the smallest feet in the world."
The third dwarf, however, exited the library with a frown and near tears. The other two dwarves asked their friend what was wrong and to which he replied: "I didn't make it, I don't hold the record for the smallest penis in the world."
This caused the other two dwarves to reel in shock, as they had seen the size of his penis and it was hardly worth measuring. "Thats not possible, your dick is tiny there is no way you can't have the smallest penis in the world!"
"Thats what I thought too!", said the third dwarf, "I just wonder who this *Tunsty* guy is."
- * * insert a buddy's name. I threw in Tunsty because he posted right above me
.
So, these three dwarves are standing outside their stoof having a random conversation when the topic of the Guiness World Book of Records comes up.
The first dwarf interrupts, "You know what boys? I should try and set a record. I seriously have the smallest hands in the world, I can't even hold a can with one hand." The other dwarves look at his hands and agree, which causes the second dwarf to reply.
"I know what you mean, I must seriously have the smallest feet in the world. I wear drinking cups as shoes and even the slighest gust of wind causes me to tip right over." Sure enough, his size of his feet was no lie. Finally, the third dwarf enters the conversation.
"You boys haven't seen anything. I, my friends, have the smallest dick in the world. Even my pubic hair is longer than it." Just like his friends before him, the third dwarf's claims were no lie. So, all three decide to go to the library the next morning and verify if they are possibly the world record holders in their respected categories.
Next morning, all three dwarves enter the library and begin their research. Upon exiting a short while later, the first dwarf shouts: "I did it! I did it! I do have the smallest hands in the world!"
The second dwarf follows in celebration: "Me too! I did it! I have the smallest feet in the world."
The third dwarf, however, exited the library with a frown and near tears. The other two dwarves asked their friend what was wrong and to which he replied: "I didn't make it, I don't hold the record for the smallest penis in the world."
This caused the other two dwarves to reel in shock, as they had seen the size of his penis and it was hardly worth measuring. "Thats not possible, your dick is tiny there is no way you can't have the smallest penis in the world!"
"Thats what I thought too!", said the third dwarf, "I just wonder who this *Tunsty* guy is."
- * * insert a buddy's name. I threw in Tunsty because he posted right above me
.member20672
Closed Account
A 65-year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed
laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and
sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous,
what on earth are you doing?"
She says, "I just got my check up and my doctor says I have the
breasts of an eighteen-year old." She starts laughing and jumping
again.
"Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"
"Well, your name never came up."
laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and
sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous,
what on earth are you doing?"
She says, "I just got my check up and my doctor says I have the
breasts of an eighteen-year old." She starts laughing and jumping
again.
"Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"
"Well, your name never came up."
Slam said:A joke you tell at a friend's expense:
So, these three dwarves are standing outside their stoof having a random conversation when the topic of the Guiness World Book of Records comes up.
The first dwarf interrupts, "You know what boys? I should try and set a record. I seriously have the smallest hands in the world, I can't even hold a can with one hand." The other dwarves look at his hands and agree, which causes the second dwarf to reply.
"I know what you mean, I must seriously have the smallest feet in the world. I wear drinking cups as shoes and even the slighest gust of wind causes me to tip right over." Sure enough, his size of his feet was no lie. Finally, the third dwarf enters the conversation.
"You boys haven't seen anything. I, my friends, have the smallest dick in the world. Even my pubic hair is longer than it." Just like his friends before him, the third dwarf's claims were no lie. So, all three decide to go to the library the next morning and verify if they are possibly the world record holders in their respected categories.
Next morning, all three dwarves enter the library and begin their research. Upon exiting a short while later, the first dwarf shouts: "I did it! I did it! I do have the smallest hands in the world!"
The second dwarf follows in celebration: "Me too! I did it! I have the smallest feet in the world."
The third dwarf, however, exited the library with a frown and near tears. The other two dwarves asked their friend what was wrong and to which he replied: "I didn't make it, I don't hold the record for the smallest penis in the world."
This caused the other two dwarves to reel in shock, as they had seen the size of his penis and it was hardly worth measuring. "Thats not possible, your dick is tiny there is no way you can't have the smallest penis in the world!"
"Thats what I thought too!", said the third dwarf, "I just wonder who this *Tunsty* guy is."
- * * insert a buddy's name. I threw in Tunsty because he posted right above me
yeah...my name gets thrown in just about every joke.:helpme:
Three nuns are painting their room when one says "you know we should not get our habits all full of paint so why don't we take them off and paint in the nude"? all three agree and are busy painting when they hear a knock on the door "who is it"? one shouts. "I'm the blind man" comes the reply they all look at each other and agree he's blind so he can't see them nude, so they open the door and in walks a man with blinds under his arm.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? eliphino
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? eliphino
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday".
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday".
