Stuff Black People ****:

[Ace Boobtoucher]

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I came across this gem of a blog after looking for some really hateful pictures to post in my new favorite thread. The thread I'm referring to has nothing to do with black people and this blogger's opinions match my views on topics as diverse as stupid names; porn; why you shouldn't read this blog; as well as a myriad of hilarious observations about life in Africa America had me clutching my sides from laughter. Good **** right here.

Stupid Names
14 03 2008

At a Kenneth Cole in Bethesda a few months back, I had the pleasure of meeting a very attractive young black woman working the sales floor. Very tall, very well-built, assertive yet soft-spoken, and ambitious enough to be pursuing an advanced degree without being a dick about it. I was damn near ready to marry this girl on the spot.

Then she told me her name. “La La.”

This was her actual fucking name. It wasn’t a nickname. It wasn’t her middle name. It wasn’t her name in Sanskrit. I’m sorry to say it, but the conversation pretty much ended there. Assuming things got serious, there’s no way I’m introducing to my ****** a chick whose name doubles as a ****-induced slur. I’d rather be keelhauled.



Figure 1: Lala is a clam, not a name.

The incident got me thinking about all the ridiculous names of black people I’ve come across in my lifetime, and exactly why the fuck these childrens’ parents would do something so socially damning as to name their ***** something like ‘Sugar’ or ‘Heaven’ or ‘Knoshawn’.

Any parent who gives their ***** a ridiculous name is dooming that ***** to failure in more ways than they could possibly fathom. It will inhibit your life professionally, socially, romantically, and even physically*

* I have a ****** who, upon meeting people named after luxury cars (e.g. Mercedes, Lexus, etc.), takes a ***** oath to ram them whilst driving their namesake automobile. He sincerely believes this will restore balance to the universe, and so do I.

The comments after this post are priceless.