Okay, so I went out to a bar tonight

[Psychology]

All in an attempt to get out of my depression. I told myself that I don't expect to woo any girl or get any phone numbers, I'm just going out to become more sociable (I have zero social skills). I tried to give myself a lot of confidence and I got some drinks for myself in hopes of loosening my nervousness up. I talked to a girl for a little bit, but she was VERY drunk. She was very nice to me though and of course I took that as a sign that she was interested in me. After talking for a bit, she walked away to speak to another person. I was estatic, thinking that I actually found a girl that at least somewhat was attractive to me. I proceeded to by her a drink.

A few moments later, this guy comes up to me and starts talking about how he got divorced and how he is currently dating this girl (and he points out the girl, which turns out to be the one I was talking to). However, he stated that the relationship won't work out because neither of the two's heart is into it. I of course think that this means he's no longer interested in her and I should ask her out.

Long story short, I attempted to ask her out, but the guy kept getting in my way and finally she and he starting hugging and went off to get more drinks. I guess I misread her signals. After that, I left the bar and went home. I promised myself beforehand that I wouldn't expect anything to happen with a female, that I was just going out to increase my social skills. So why do I feel like shit and even worse than I felt before I went out? What did I do wrong?

 

[sputnikgirl]

You weren't nearly drunk enough.

 

[Violator79]

Hey man you did nothing wrong. You did what any red blooded man would do. I think you're putting too much blame on yourself. Some guy told me one time that you don't meet good women in bars and I believe that totally. If you were looking to get lucky, that's one thing, but if you're looking for a relationship, bars are not the answer. You want to know where a couple good places to look for women are? Bookstores and pet shops. Women are always looking at books and whenever I go into one there's tons of hot women in there. Pet stores are a great place because as anyone with a brain will say women love animals. So take my word when I say bars are not a good place to find good women. Either they have a boyfriend within 10 feet of them ready to kick your ass or they're not interested in you. I'm not an expert by any means, but I don't think you did anything wrong tonight. So go relax, don't blame yourself and keep your hopes high.

 

[Psychology]

Hey man you did nothing wrong. You did what any red blooded man would do. I think you're putting too much blame on yourself. Some guy told me one time that you don't meet good women in bars and I believe that totally. If you were looking to get lucky, that's one thing, but if you're looking for a relationship, bars are not the answer. You want to know where a couple good places to look for women are? Bookstores and pet shops. Women are always looking at books and whenever I go into one there's tons of hot women in there. Pet stores are a great place because as anyone with a brain will say women love animals. So take my word when I say bars are not a good place to find good women. Either they have a boyfriend within 10 feet of them ready to kick your ass or they're not interested in you. I'm not an expert by any means, but I don't think you did anything wrong tonight. So go relax, don't blame yourself and keep your hopes high.

Thanks for the words of confidence, although it still doesn't really make me feel better. Funny you mention a bookstore. I usually get nervous around women, but I did talk to one once in a bookstore and it was straight out of a cartoon. I was talking to one once about a book, while tlaking to her, I looked down and looked for a book on the same shelf, and then searched for a page, all while still talking to her. When I finally looked up, she was gone, no where to be found.

 

[bodie54]

she was VERY drunk.

You probably didn't do anything wrong other than expecting (or hoping for) any sort of rational behavior from someone that was very drunk.

Try to keep alcohol out of the mix, and don't give up the ship.

 

[gunslingingbird]

You were trying to pick up a girl. The mere fact that you suggested to yourself that you wouldn't try to pick up a girl says that that's exactly what was on your mind the whole time. You may have been trying to avoid actively doing so, but it was subconsciously there the whole time.

One thing that I heard a psychologist say once is that when you go out you shouldn't tell yourself that you're going out to meet girls, but that you're going out to meet people. Sometimes you could go and try to talk to a girl directly and get shot down right away. On the contrary, if you go and make conversation with another guy at the place, it could turn out that he's the girl's cousin and he introduces you to her. Even if the guy isn't with that girl, or with anyone else at the place, she'll see that you're just out to have a good time and socialize, as opposed to the guy sitting in the corner trying desperately to woo every girl in his general direction. While some girls may be attracted to the guy who's firing pick-up lines left and right, most girls will feel more comfortable around someone who is there to have a good time.

 

[Psychology]

You were trying to pick up a girl. The mere fact that you suggested to yourself that you wouldn't try to pick up a girl says that that's exactly what was on your mind the whole time. You may have been trying to avoid actively doing so, but it was subconsciously there the whole time.

One thing that I heard a psychologist say once is that when you go out you shouldn't tell yourself that you're going out to meet girls, but that you're going out to meet people. Sometimes you could go and try to talk to a girl directly and get shot down right away. On the contrary, if you go and make conversation with another guy at the place, it could turn out that he's the girl's cousin and he introduces you to her. Even if the guy isn't with that girl, or with anyone else at the place, she'll see that you're just out to have a good time and socialize, as opposed to the guy sitting in the corner trying desperately to woo every girl in his general direction. While some girls may be attracted to the guy who's firing pick-up lines left and right, most girls will feel more comfortable around someone who is there to have a good time.

That's a good point

 

[senob44]

On the contrary, if you go and make conversation with another guy at the place, it could turn out that he's the girl's cousin and he introduces you to her.

I agree. If you wind up going straight for the girl, it'll turn out that she's the guy's cousin, and if your drunk enough, you may find yourself waking up the next morning cum-spackled to a guy's ass. Or so I've heard.

 

[gunslingingbird]

I agree. If you wind up going straight for the girl, it'll turn out that she's the guy's cousin, and if your drunk enough, you may find yourself waking up the next morning cum-spackled to a guy's ass. Or so I've heard.

A little personal anecdote, I take it? :1orglaugh

 

[historylover]

You were trying to pick up a girl. The mere fact that you suggested to yourself that you wouldn't try to pick up a girl says that that's exactly what was on your mind the whole time. You may have been trying to avoid actively doing so, but it was subconsciously there the whole time.

I agree.

Never do anything with the intention of not doing something else - that will be the first thing which you'll do.

And, I also agree that you shouldn't feel bad. We all want companionship. It might make a life feel more complete.

But, you'll usually find women with more in common with you when you pursue the social hobbies which you like to do, like going to movies, frequenting used book stores, attending concerts as well. The reason people who figure out themselves how out first find more deeply connected love is that they've more often found their someone while pursuing their hobby and/or preferred job. If poetry reading is your most passionate thing, continually going to one will be the most natural thing. Once it becomes comfortable, you'll be more open and ready to accept a truer and more complete love.

 

[Facetious]

Aside from lacking social skills and confidence, if there were . . oh . . 3 things about yourself with which you could improve, what would they be ?

Not to put you on the spot (you don't have to answer the question to the board) It sounds as if you need some building blocks in the enrichment of your self esteem. Your communication skills are superb, IMO. You had me following along in my "mind's eye" just perfectly with your opening post.

Anyway, I don't know what more I can offer you except for that bars might suffice for a one nighter here and there (use precautionary polimer sleeve in the event you hook up though ! lol !) but don't expect to find a mate at a bar unless perhaps (Are you in the USA ?) the 4th of July might be a good night to go out to the clubs etc. Why this date ? Well, a lot of people that don't regularly go out to the bars go out on the 4th of July. That might be something to think about. I know this, previously being a partial minority owner of a night spot. That's the type of girl you want to meet ! more your speed, the one that occasionally goes out to the clubs.

Finally, talk to any, all and every every woman possible, whether you're attracted to them or not.
Don't allow yourself the excuse to become mentally and physically lazy on account of the internet ! This is common, you know !
Try to seek employ where you would have women colleagues. Not that I'd advise you to date a colleague but it helps in the general sense with communication skills.

Adopt a puppy or adult dog, if possible, at your local pet shelter - get a leash and scout out where the hot spot is where younger people tend to jog etc. Young ladies are always a sucker for a guy with a cute dog !
Besides, the pet shelters are bursting at the seams with animals that were and continue to be surrendered due to thousands of home foreclosures
You can tell the girls that you "RESCUED THE DOGGIE !" The ladies will fucking have your cock whipped out so fast !

FWIW :2 cents:

 

[Funkwerkz]

Dude, you think about the life too much. Live your life! Don't waste your time with guessing what's next (do that a little), just enjoy the moment and please don't look blue and trashy, have a smile and well dressed > self confidence!

Message boards are social places. So, you have some social skills.

 

[Psychology]

:eek:

Aside from lacking social skills and confidence, if there were . . oh . . 3 things about yourself with which you could improve, what would they be ?

Not to put you on the spot (you don't have to answer the question to the board) It sounds as if you need some building blocks in the enrichment of your self esteem. Your communication skills are superb, IMO. You had me following along in my "mind's eye" just perfectly with your opening post.

Anyway, I don't know what more I can offer you except for that bars might suffice for a one nighter here and there (use precautionary polimer sleeve in the event you hook up though ! lol !) but don't expect to find a mate at a bar unless perhaps (Are you in the USA ?) the 4th of July might be a good night to go out to the clubs etc. Why this date ? Well a lot of people that don't regularly go out to the bars go out on the 4th of July. That might be something to think about. I know this, previously being a partial minority owner of a night spot. That's the type of girl you want to meet ! more your speed, the one that occasionally goes out to the clubs.

Finally, talk to any, all and every every woman possible, whether you're attracted to them or not. Don't allow yourself the excuse to become mentally and physically lazy on account of the internet ! This is common, you know !

Adopt a puppy or adult dog, if possible, at your local pet shelter - get a leash and scout out where the hot spot is where younger people tend to jog etc. Young ladies are always a sucker for a guy with a cute dog !
Besides, the pet shelters are bursting at the seams with animals that were and continue to be surrendered due to thousands of home foreclosures
You can tell the girls that you "RESCUED THE DOGGIE !" The ladies will fucking have your cock whipped out so fast !

FWIW :2 cents:

A 3rd thing? My physical appearance. I hate the way I look, and yes I do live in the U.S. The 4th of July, huh? I never thought of that.

 

[gunslingingbird]

:eek:

A 3rd thing? My physical appearance. I hate the way I look, and yes I do live in the U.S. The 4th of July, huh? I never thought of that.

Your appearance doesn't really have to be a deterrent in your search for women. Just look at the example of me. I'm short, fat, and funny-looking, yet I managed to bag a girl that could very well be a model if she wanted to. It's not your appearance that determines your success with women, it's your level of confidence. Don't be cocky, but don't be shy and quiet either.

 

[Facetious]

Yeah ! The "creepy guy thing" is really en vogue these days lol !

Where have you been Psychology !!!

I tell you, I see "mismatched pairs" all the time along the Pac Coast ! around the beach etc.
I know some of them, actually.


Ask yourself - Is there anything that you can do to remedy the way you look ?

Change it !

It takes patience !

 

[historylover]

Your appearance doesn't really have to be a deterrent in your search for women. Just look at the example of me. I'm short, fat, and funny-looking, yet I managed to bag a girl that could very well be a model if she wanted to. It's not your appearance that determines your success with women, it's your level of confidence. Don't be cocky, but don't be shy and quiet either.

This is precisely my point is pursuing a hobby which makes you feel more complete. You'll be actively engaged enough that you'll continue to perfect your abilities with it. Once you feel comfortable with yourself because you're actively engaging your true subconscious desires through said hobby, confidence comes naturally.

 

[BlueBalls]

You weren't nearly drunk enough.

Yes, alcohol is always the solution.

 

[dave_rhino]

Sounds like you had a better night than me. Some bitch stamped on my foot, poured her drink on me and then pulled my hair. All because I wouldn't dance with her. I hate drunken teen girls.

 

[plucap]

I've heard that a typical trait for people with low self-confidence is egocentrism. Not in the selfish meaning, but rather that they think everything around them circulates around themselves. Nothing is ever anyone else's fault, it's always your own, and that people around you make decisions based on what they think about you.

In all honesty, there are millions of fish in the sea. A lot of them are already hooked by a master angler but there are always those who aren't. I agree with what most people here said already: bars aren't really that reliable. You should meet people through something more solid than alcohol. That's just a way to heighten your senses - for better and for worse.

Instead of telling yourself that nothing will happen just so you don't get disappointed, try telling yourself that no matter what happens this will be fun. And cease every opportunity to make yourself interesting. If you make a fool out of yourself who cares, not like they will remember it the day after. Saying you have zero social skills is just a cowardly way to admit defeat on forehand. Pretend to be a social expert instead, it's not hard. Just don't be a douchebag.

Oh and one last thing. Everyone says "be yourself" and "don't pretend". In my honest opinion that's totally useless advice. Sometimes you have to be someone else temporarily to break the habit. Just make sure you don't end up in a web of unnecessary lies or try to be someone completely different from what you will ever be.

 

[sputnikgirl]

By the way, I was being totally serious about the not drunk enough comment. People who are drunk don't want to be around people that aren't a comparable level of drunk the majority of the time.