Maybe you can visit him in jail?
Although as a convicted child rapist I doubt he'll have much time away from the face of a pillow to talk to you :dunno:
News of the Weird
- Thread starter Baill Inneraora
- Start date
Maybe you can visit him in jail?
Although as a convicted child rapist I doubt he'll have much time away from the face of a pillow to talk to you :dunno:
Ummm I'll think I'll pass on that one.
Yeah ... seems like the best decision.
Now, to visit Charlie Manson in prison, that would be fun. :hatsoff:
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:thumbsup: Shame he missed out on the Speaker of the house of commons job
Undignified Deaths
Their Last Words: "A million dollars is a lot of money to pay for a whore" were the last words of multimillionaire French banker Edouard Stern, according to his girlfriend, Cecile Brossard, who took offense (and was convicted of killing him in June in Geneva, Switzerland). [BBC News, 6-10- 09]
"Shoot me, shoot me," you "ain't got the --" were the last words (according to a police report) of Scott Riley, 25, who was arguing with the gun-wielding Joseph Jimenez, 24, about their game of Beer Pong in Bridgeport, Pa., in May. [WCAU-TV (Philadelphia), 5-4-09]
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A News of the Weird Classic (March 2004)
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., in February 2004, accused murderer Donald Leroy Evans, 38, filed a pre-trial motion asking permission to wear a Ku Klux Klan robe in the courtroom and to be referred to in legal documents by "the honorable and respected name of Hi Hitler." According to courthouse employees interviewed by the Associated Press, Evans thought Adolf Hitler's followers were saying "Hi Hitler" rather than "Heil, Hitler." [Houston Post-AP, 2-13-04]
Their Last Words: "A million dollars is a lot of money to pay for a whore" were the last words of multimillionaire French banker Edouard Stern, according to his girlfriend, Cecile Brossard, who took offense (and was convicted of killing him in June in Geneva, Switzerland). [BBC News, 6-10- 09]
"Shoot me, shoot me," you "ain't got the --" were the last words (according to a police report) of Scott Riley, 25, who was arguing with the gun-wielding Joseph Jimenez, 24, about their game of Beer Pong in Bridgeport, Pa., in May. [WCAU-TV (Philadelphia), 5-4-09]
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A News of the Weird Classic (March 2004)
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., in February 2004, accused murderer Donald Leroy Evans, 38, filed a pre-trial motion asking permission to wear a Ku Klux Klan robe in the courtroom and to be referred to in legal documents by "the honorable and respected name of Hi Hitler." According to courthouse employees interviewed by the Associated Press, Evans thought Adolf Hitler's followers were saying "Hi Hitler" rather than "Heil, Hitler." [Houston Post-AP, 2-13-04]
The Weirdo-American Community
Daniel Doster Jr., 42, was arrested in Yorktown, Ind., in March for masturbating while standing beside his mailbox (which he told police he was doing to show his neighbors "who was boss"). [Star Press (Muncie, Ind.), 3-11-09]
Dean Mark, 53, was arrested at Whittell High School in Zephyr Cove, Nev., in June, for trespassing. Three students had reported encountering Mark a short distance from the school, nude, tied to a large rock, and asked if he wanted to be untied. According to the police report, Mark declined but then a few minutes later appeared fully clothed on the school grounds. [Tahoe Daily Tribune, 6-11-09]
Daniel Doster Jr., 42, was arrested in Yorktown, Ind., in March for masturbating while standing beside his mailbox (which he told police he was doing to show his neighbors "who was boss"). [Star Press (Muncie, Ind.), 3-11-09]
Dean Mark, 53, was arrested at Whittell High School in Zephyr Cove, Nev., in June, for trespassing. Three students had reported encountering Mark a short distance from the school, nude, tied to a large rock, and asked if he wanted to be untied. According to the police report, Mark declined but then a few minutes later appeared fully clothed on the school grounds. [Tahoe Daily Tribune, 6-11-09]
Smooth Reactions
Marcus Johnson, 33, of Wichita, Kan., was sentenced to 10 years in prison in May for an incident last year in which, angered by a police officer's demand to lower the volume of his car radio, Johnson immediately drove to City Hall, went up a ramp at about 45 mph, crashed through the front door and continued on through the building. [Wichita Eagle, 5-21-09]
Robert Caton, 50, was arrested in Andover, England, in May after he drove his Rolls-Royce through the front window of a Tesco store. His wife said he had been upset to find out that the bed they had ordered did not come with a mattress. [Daily Telegraph, 5-21-09]
Marcus Johnson, 33, of Wichita, Kan., was sentenced to 10 years in prison in May for an incident last year in which, angered by a police officer's demand to lower the volume of his car radio, Johnson immediately drove to City Hall, went up a ramp at about 45 mph, crashed through the front door and continued on through the building. [Wichita Eagle, 5-21-09]
Robert Caton, 50, was arrested in Andover, England, in May after he drove his Rolls-Royce through the front window of a Tesco store. His wife said he had been upset to find out that the bed they had ordered did not come with a mattress. [Daily Telegraph, 5-21-09]
Deep in the BLANK of Texas!
A News of the Weird Classic
Michael Warner, 58, passed away in May 2004 of acute alcohol poisoning (with a 0.47 blood-alcohol level) in Lake Jackson, Texas, from ingesting three liters of sherry wine, which entered his body by enema. His widow, Tammy, told authorities that he had been addicted to taking them since childhood and even had favorite recipes, such as enemas by coffee, by Castile soap, by Ivory soap. Said Tammy, "I'm sure that's the way he wanted to go out because he loved his enemas." Tammy was originally charged with negligent homicide for helping prepare Michael's fatal wine dose, but the prosecutor dropped the charge. [Houston Chronicle, 2-10-05]
A News of the Weird Classic
Michael Warner, 58, passed away in May 2004 of acute alcohol poisoning (with a 0.47 blood-alcohol level) in Lake Jackson, Texas, from ingesting three liters of sherry wine, which entered his body by enema. His widow, Tammy, told authorities that he had been addicted to taking them since childhood and even had favorite recipes, such as enemas by coffee, by Castile soap, by Ivory soap. Said Tammy, "I'm sure that's the way he wanted to go out because he loved his enemas." Tammy was originally charged with negligent homicide for helping prepare Michael's fatal wine dose, but the prosecutor dropped the charge. [Houston Chronicle, 2-10-05]
Supafly
Retired Mod
Can't Possibly Be True
In June, the New York Police Department spent $99,000 on a typewriter repair contract, which will take on increasing importance since last year NYPD bought thousands of new typewriters, manual and electric, costing the city almost $1 million. The NYPD still is not even close to computerizing some of its daily-use forms, such as property and evidence reports. [New York Post, 7-13-09]
Still can't believe this happens in New York ^^
In June, the New York Police Department spent $99,000 on a typewriter repair contract, which will take on increasing importance since last year NYPD bought thousands of new typewriters, manual and electric, costing the city almost $1 million. The NYPD still is not even close to computerizing some of its daily-use forms, such as property and evidence reports. [New York Post, 7-13-09]
Still can't believe this happens in New York ^^
Hell I didn't even know tht you could still buy new typwriters.
Merry Ole England
By early July, Jonathan Baltesz and his wife and kids were desperate to find their 10-year-old black Labrador mix, Simon, who had run away. They had one more plan, however. The family members urinated into containers and sprinkled the contents at various locales around their town (Bristol, England), laid out so that Simon could follow a trail home. (Results were unavailable at press time.) [Bristol Evening Post, 7-9-09]
The British charter airline Thomas Cook announced at the gate in the resort island of Mallorca in June that, regardless of seat assignments on a departing flight, passengers should sit toward the rear of the aircraft in order to balance the load (since it was already front-heavy with cargo and therefore harder on the pilot). Not surprisingly, 71 apprehensive passengers refused to board. (Also, some incoming passengers on that same aircraft, which experienced a similar balance problem, had dramatically dropped to their knees in the terminal, kissing the ground, calling the flight their worst ever.) [Daily Mail (London), 6-23-09]
Some parents of students at the Al-Islah Muslim girls' school in Blackburn, England, discovered that a staff secretary, Shifa Patel, 28, had a Facebook page, featuring innocuous photos of herself but dressed in other than her full-body robe and headscarf, which are her everyday school attire. The photos also reveal that she has close-cropped hair. One assumption led to another, and soon Patel was accused of being a man who dresses as a woman in order to mingle with females. Patel went to the trouble of getting a doctor's certificate of her gender, but the parents refused to accept it, and in June, Patel (and the school's headmistress) resigned in despair. [Daily Mail, 6-13-09]
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Todd Hall, 36, was sentenced to a year in prison after his conviction in Bentonville, Ark., in June for habitually biting the toes of his son, which Hall said he did up to age 6 as routine discipline. (He had earlier been on probation for the disciplinary biting of his 10-month-old daughter.) [Northwest Arkansas News, 6-17-09]
In June in Muncie, Ind., in his second such conviction in seven months, Robert Stahl, 64, was found guilty of resolving disputes with men in their 50s by reaching into their mouths and yanking out their dentures. [Star Press (Muncie), 6-15-09]
A Polynesian man in his 20s was being sought as the robber of the Black Diamond Equipment store in Salt Lake City in June. He made off with some gear from the ski and climbing accessory store, but had originally demanded jewelry, as he apparently thought he was knocking off a "diamond" store. [KSL-TV (Salt Lake City), 6-15- 09]
Motorist Zackary Johnson was arrested in Athens, Ga., in June after pulling over a passing police car to inquire whether he had any warrants outstanding against him. No, answered the officer after a computer check, but he noted that Johnson's driver's license is under suspension, and he was arrested. [Athens Banner-Herald, 6-8-09]
Africa
World's Toughest Job: Farah Ahmed Omar was appointed recently as chief of Somalia's navy, which ordinarily would be on the front lines against the throng of pirates operating off the country's coast. Omar's job is difficult, though, because the Somalian navy has not a single boat nor a single sailor, and Omar himself has not been to sea in 23 years. However, he told a reporter he was optimistic that the piracy could be stopped. [BBC News, 6-16-09]
By early July, Jonathan Baltesz and his wife and kids were desperate to find their 10-year-old black Labrador mix, Simon, who had run away. They had one more plan, however. The family members urinated into containers and sprinkled the contents at various locales around their town (Bristol, England), laid out so that Simon could follow a trail home. (Results were unavailable at press time.) [Bristol Evening Post, 7-9-09]
The British charter airline Thomas Cook announced at the gate in the resort island of Mallorca in June that, regardless of seat assignments on a departing flight, passengers should sit toward the rear of the aircraft in order to balance the load (since it was already front-heavy with cargo and therefore harder on the pilot). Not surprisingly, 71 apprehensive passengers refused to board. (Also, some incoming passengers on that same aircraft, which experienced a similar balance problem, had dramatically dropped to their knees in the terminal, kissing the ground, calling the flight their worst ever.) [Daily Mail (London), 6-23-09]
Some parents of students at the Al-Islah Muslim girls' school in Blackburn, England, discovered that a staff secretary, Shifa Patel, 28, had a Facebook page, featuring innocuous photos of herself but dressed in other than her full-body robe and headscarf, which are her everyday school attire. The photos also reveal that she has close-cropped hair. One assumption led to another, and soon Patel was accused of being a man who dresses as a woman in order to mingle with females. Patel went to the trouble of getting a doctor's certificate of her gender, but the parents refused to accept it, and in June, Patel (and the school's headmistress) resigned in despair. [Daily Mail, 6-13-09]
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Todd Hall, 36, was sentenced to a year in prison after his conviction in Bentonville, Ark., in June for habitually biting the toes of his son, which Hall said he did up to age 6 as routine discipline. (He had earlier been on probation for the disciplinary biting of his 10-month-old daughter.) [Northwest Arkansas News, 6-17-09]
In June in Muncie, Ind., in his second such conviction in seven months, Robert Stahl, 64, was found guilty of resolving disputes with men in their 50s by reaching into their mouths and yanking out their dentures. [Star Press (Muncie), 6-15-09]
A Polynesian man in his 20s was being sought as the robber of the Black Diamond Equipment store in Salt Lake City in June. He made off with some gear from the ski and climbing accessory store, but had originally demanded jewelry, as he apparently thought he was knocking off a "diamond" store. [KSL-TV (Salt Lake City), 6-15- 09]
Motorist Zackary Johnson was arrested in Athens, Ga., in June after pulling over a passing police car to inquire whether he had any warrants outstanding against him. No, answered the officer after a computer check, but he noted that Johnson's driver's license is under suspension, and he was arrested. [Athens Banner-Herald, 6-8-09]
Africa
World's Toughest Job: Farah Ahmed Omar was appointed recently as chief of Somalia's navy, which ordinarily would be on the front lines against the throng of pirates operating off the country's coast. Omar's job is difficult, though, because the Somalian navy has not a single boat nor a single sailor, and Omar himself has not been to sea in 23 years. However, he told a reporter he was optimistic that the piracy could be stopped. [BBC News, 6-16-09]
People Different From Us
Geography professor Melanie Patton Renfrew, 54, was convicted in Burbank, Calif., in August of violating a judge's order to stop stalking KNBC-TV weatherman Fritz Coleman. Renfrew had badgered Coleman for two years, via e-mail and telephone calls, about his "error" in terminology, confusing "onshore" winds with "offshore" winds. Coleman, she insisted, needed to apologize. "Offshore" winds blow out to sea; "onshore" winds blow in. [Daily Breeze (Torrance, Calif.), 9-2-09]
Least Competent Criminals
Lisa Newsome, 42, was arrested in Zachary, La., in August, caught trying to smuggle a 24-can case of beer out of a convenience store. The heavyset, housecoat-clad Newsome was squeezing the 20-pound case between her legs as she waddled from the cooler toward the front door. When police arrived, Newsome offered to pull up the dress to demonstrate how she carried the case, but, said a police captain: "I told her, no thanks. I wasn't into that." [WFTS-TV (Tampa)-AP, 9-1-09]
Geography professor Melanie Patton Renfrew, 54, was convicted in Burbank, Calif., in August of violating a judge's order to stop stalking KNBC-TV weatherman Fritz Coleman. Renfrew had badgered Coleman for two years, via e-mail and telephone calls, about his "error" in terminology, confusing "onshore" winds with "offshore" winds. Coleman, she insisted, needed to apologize. "Offshore" winds blow out to sea; "onshore" winds blow in. [Daily Breeze (Torrance, Calif.), 9-2-09]
Least Competent Criminals
Lisa Newsome, 42, was arrested in Zachary, La., in August, caught trying to smuggle a 24-can case of beer out of a convenience store. The heavyset, housecoat-clad Newsome was squeezing the 20-pound case between her legs as she waddled from the cooler toward the front door. When police arrived, Newsome offered to pull up the dress to demonstrate how she carried the case, but, said a police captain: "I told her, no thanks. I wasn't into that." [WFTS-TV (Tampa)-AP, 9-1-09]
Love Can Mess You Up:
Before Arthur David Horn met his future bride Lynette (a "metaphysical healer") in 1988, he was a tenured professor at Colorado State, with a Ph.D. in anthropology from Yale, teaching a mainstream course in human evolution. With Lynette's guidance (after a revelatory week with her in California's Trinity Mountains, searching for Bigfoot), Horn evolved, himself, resigning from Colorado State and seeking to remedy his inadequate Ivy League education. At a conference in Denver in September, Horn said he now realizes that humans come from an alien race of shape-shifting reptilians that continue to control civilization through the secretive leaders known as the Illuminati. Other panelists in Denver included enthusiasts describing their own experiences with various alien races. [Rocky Mountain Collegian, 9-28-09]
Before Arthur David Horn met his future bride Lynette (a "metaphysical healer") in 1988, he was a tenured professor at Colorado State, with a Ph.D. in anthropology from Yale, teaching a mainstream course in human evolution. With Lynette's guidance (after a revelatory week with her in California's Trinity Mountains, searching for Bigfoot), Horn evolved, himself, resigning from Colorado State and seeking to remedy his inadequate Ivy League education. At a conference in Denver in September, Horn said he now realizes that humans come from an alien race of shape-shifting reptilians that continue to control civilization through the secretive leaders known as the Illuminati. Other panelists in Denver included enthusiasts describing their own experiences with various alien races. [Rocky Mountain Collegian, 9-28-09]
Nice Try
"Therapeutic" Sex: The U.S. Tax Court ruled in September that William Halby, 78, owes back taxes because he improperly tried to deduct $300,000 over a five-year period for "medical" expenses that were merely purchases of sex toys and pornography and payments to prostitutes. Halby said the activities relieved his "depression," in that he had no other sexual outlets. The court reminded Halby (a retired New York tax lawyer) that prostitution is illegal in New York. [Forbes, 9-17-09]
"Therapeutic" Sex: The U.S. Tax Court ruled in September that William Halby, 78, owes back taxes because he improperly tried to deduct $300,000 over a five-year period for "medical" expenses that were merely purchases of sex toys and pornography and payments to prostitutes. Halby said the activities relieved his "depression," in that he had no other sexual outlets. The court reminded Halby (a retired New York tax lawyer) that prostitution is illegal in New York. [Forbes, 9-17-09]
Aww, the court should grant the guy another $300,000 just for the sheer audacity of it.
Bill Halby, I salute you. :1orglaugh
Least Competent Deer
A seven-point buck was found dead in Viroqua, Wis., in November, apparently after losing a head-butting contest with a cement-statue buck. Ramming contests are common during mating season, and the cement buck was about the same size as the dead one (but weighs about three times as much). [La Crosse Tribune, 11-10-09]
A seven-point buck was found dead in Viroqua, Wis., in November, apparently after losing a head-butting contest with a cement-statue buck. Ramming contests are common during mating season, and the cement buck was about the same size as the dead one (but weighs about three times as much). [La Crosse Tribune, 11-10-09]
Thinning the Herd
Their Getaways Hit a Dead End: Noah Comer, 39, crashed his motorcycle and was killed as he tried to flee sheriff's deputies in San Diego in January after allegedly stealing a pack of cigarettes from the AM/PM minimart. [San Diego Union-Tribune, 1-8-10]
Gordon Wright, 58, and two associates were killed in January going the wrong way on Interstate 94 in a Detroit suburb after allegedly stealing $45 worth of Axe beauty products from a CVS store. (Police said they were not pursuing Wright but that he was merely in a hurry to get away.) [Sacramento Bee, 3-9-10]
Their Getaways Hit a Dead End: Noah Comer, 39, crashed his motorcycle and was killed as he tried to flee sheriff's deputies in San Diego in January after allegedly stealing a pack of cigarettes from the AM/PM minimart. [San Diego Union-Tribune, 1-8-10]
Gordon Wright, 58, and two associates were killed in January going the wrong way on Interstate 94 in a Detroit suburb after allegedly stealing $45 worth of Axe beauty products from a CVS store. (Police said they were not pursuing Wright but that he was merely in a hurry to get away.) [Sacramento Bee, 3-9-10]
Supafly
Retired Mod
An anecdote from my work as a lay judge some years ago:
The suspect, an immigrant from turkey who was having quite a record of small drug dealing etc, was in court for a premium fuck-up.
He was met in an open delikatessen shop in his hometown after midnight, of course without any owner etc present, stapling a lot of delicious goodies at the store front next to the door out. By two policemen who got a call from a neighbour about the sound of rummaging around down there and the door ajar.
He had a nice excuse: 'I just wanted to check if everything is still there, the door being open!'
The best part is: He had a court trial coming up the very next day for selling dope.
We all had a hard time keeping a straight face there :1orglaugh
The suspect, an immigrant from turkey who was having quite a record of small drug dealing etc, was in court for a premium fuck-up.
He was met in an open delikatessen shop in his hometown after midnight, of course without any owner etc present, stapling a lot of delicious goodies at the store front next to the door out. By two policemen who got a call from a neighbour about the sound of rummaging around down there and the door ajar.
He had a nice excuse: 'I just wanted to check if everything is still there, the door being open!'
The best part is: He had a court trial coming up the very next day for selling dope.
We all had a hard time keeping a straight face there :1orglaugh
