Never had sex; what are my options?

[Armanaeus]

Hi. Couldn't find a similar thread, so I really was milking the Advanced Search feature to the best of my ability.

When I was in school (early grades ... we don't call it "elementary school" 'cause Russia doesn't have schools divided into elementary, middle, and high) I was having a conversation with a couple of really young girls asking some questions that made me feel just a bit uncomfortable. The last question was: "Are you planning on dying a virgin?" Hell, I didn't even know what a virgin is. :1orglaugh

There appears to be a lot of (for the lack of a better word) pressure on me from media and the Web - that I have to have sex at least once in my life to lose my virginity. (Here I'm gonna get quite personal, so don't feel flabbergasted; just trying to deliver a point here.) I have a rough list of things I want to do before I go (what am I, gonna live forever?). One of them is to "have sex at least once (incomplete)". Why? I guess I just haven't really experienced life to its fullest yet.

If you sympathize with my cause, feel free to share any ideas, advices, etc. I've read somewhere on the Web that first you have to have it with someone really experienced in sex, someone who can provide you (very politely) with a basic template of how to work it out and what to keep in mind. Others say that it has to be someone who is your age, someone you can trust, someone special. These two are sometimes mutually exclusive, and I don't know anyone special to do it with. Hell, I don't have any friends. No one.

So, my big question is this: given the aforementioned circumstances, what are my options? Who should I do it with? I've had no sexual education. Very little common knowledge in that area. I'm just looking for answers. And trust me, I tried Googling that but didn't come up with any satisfying results.

If I said something stupid or mentioned something that I could have done all by myself, then forgive me; I'm a retard.

 

[HehehehehehehehehehahaHyena]

Hi. Couldn't find a similar thread, so I really was milking the Advanced Search feature to the best of my ability.

When I was in school (early grades ... we don't call it "elementary school" 'cause Russia doesn't have schools divided into elementary, middle, and high) I was having a conversation with a couple of really young girls asking some questions that made me feel just a bit uncomfortable. The last question was: "Are you planning on dying a virgin?" Hell, I didn't even know what a virgin is. :1orglaugh

There appears to be a lot of (for the lack of a better word) pressure on me from media and the Web - that I have to have sex at least once in my life to lose my virginity. (Here I'm gonna get quite personal, so don't feel flabbergasted; just trying to deliver a point here.) I have a rough list of things I want to do before I go (what am I, gonna live forever?). One of them is to "have sex at least once (incomplete)". Why? I guess I just haven't really experienced life to its fullest yet.

If you sympathize with my cause, feel free to share any ideas, advices, etc. I've read somewhere on the Web that first you have to have it with someone really experienced in sex, someone who can provide you (very politely) with a basic template of how to work it out and what to keep in mind. Others say that it has to be someone who is your age, someone you can trust, someone special. These two are sometimes mutually exclusive, and I don't know anyone special to do it with. Hell, I don't have any friends. No one.

So, my big question is this: given the aforementioned circumstances, what are my options? Who should I do it with? I've had no sexual education. Very little common knowledge in that area. I'm just looking for answers. And trust me, I tried Googling that but didn't come up with any satisfying results.

If I said something stupid or mentioned something that I could have done all by myself, then forgive me; I'm a retard.

If you can't get a girl in Russia your situation is hopeless.

 

[Mr_Stiffy]

Don't get hung up on it. I know it's easier said than done, but really, don't. Pressure is bullshit. Have it if/when you want to (when it's available) not because "it's expected" or "you haven't lived to the fullest if you haven't."

I was a late starter too and convinced it was never going to happen for me. I was shy, somewhat awkward, somewhat of a geek, and convinced I wouldn't find anyone that would be interested. Then I met a girl who was also shy, somewhat awkward, somewhat of a geek, but sexually experienced. Within a day of meeting she made it clear she was interested and within about three weeks of tentative dating we started having sex. My point is - I wasn't thinking about it, I wasn't looking for it - in fact I'd virtually given up - and then it just happened for me. It's best if you try and relax and let it just happen for you. If you try too hard to force it You Might end up with an experience you don't look back on and treasure and might even cause you problems.

The reason I say this is because the alternative is to pay for it, and that can cause great problems with permanent subconscious disassociation between "sex" and "love", dependence on the level of control/type of experience you get with a pro, and possibly even addiction. The problem with sex is once you start, your brain can (not for everyone but quite a few of my friends admit this) kind of chemically change so that you become preoccupied with it and everything else takes a back seat to trying to find your next lay. And that's a terrible place to be.

 

[Shifty]

Find a relationship. The rest will take care of itself.

Don't make 'having sex at least once' a goal.

:2 cents:

 

[greatjob]

if you really live in Nevada, travel to the Bunny Ranch and choose the "girlfriend" experience.

 

[Mr. Hyde]

I'd agree with whoever said "don't make having sex a goal." I'm guessing you're still young. Being a virgin at a younger age isn't a bad thing. Some people just bloom later sexually. I didn't lose mine til I was 19.

Don't find sex. Go find a girl you like. Develop a relationship with her. Sex will happen naturally with that.

Or if you're desperate and just need to get the monkey off your back, get a hooker.

 

[Armanaeus]

Thank you all guys for responding. I really appreciate that.

I'd agree with whoever said "don't make having sex a goal." I'm guessing you're still young. Being a virgin at a younger age isn't a bad thing. Some people just bloom later sexually. I didn't lose mine til I was 19.

Don't find sex. Go find a girl you like. Develop a relationship with her. Sex will happen naturally with that.

Or if you're desperate and just need to get the monkey off your back, get a hooker.

I'm not desperate; it can wait a while.

If you can't get a girl in Russia your situation is hopeless.

I never aspired to that when I was there ... especially since a lot of the girls there were just totally disrespectful.

if you really live in Nevada, travel to the Bunny Ranch and choose the "girlfriend" experience.

Yeah, I moved to the States permanently when I was 14-15.

 

[ApolloBalboa]

I'm a year older than you and I've yet to have (penetrative) sex as well. It's something that concerned me when I was a teenager because everyone else I knew was getting laid, but as I got older and became more mature (more so than all those people I knew that were having sex), I realized who the fuck cares? I'm not in any rush for it to happen as of now, and when it does I expect it to be worth it, because I want it to be with someone who both knows that I'm a virgin and cares for me as more than just another notch on the bedpost.

I don't know if this is any help at all, but it just goes to show that you're not alone when it comes to things like this.

 

[Armanaeus]

Don't get hung up on it. I know it's easier said than done, but really, don't. Pressure is bullshit. Have it if/when you want to (when it's available) not because "it's expected" or "you haven't lived to the fullest if you haven't."

I was a late starter too and convinced it was never going to happen for me. I was shy, somewhat awkward, somewhat of a geek, and convinced I wouldn't find anyone that would be interested. Then I met a girl who was also shy, somewhat awkward, somewhat of a geek, but sexually experienced. Within a day of meeting she made it clear she was interested and within about three weeks of tentative dating we started having sex. My point is - I wasn't thinking about it, I wasn't looking for it - in fact I'd virtually given up - and then it just happened for me. It's best if you try and relax and let it just happen for you. If you try too hard to force it You Might end up with an experience you don't look back on and treasure and might even cause you problems.

The reason I say this is because the alternative is to pay for it, and that can cause great problems with permanent subconscious disassociation between "sex" and "love", dependence on the level of control/type of experience you get with a pro, and possibly even addiction. The problem with sex is once you start, your brain can (not for everyone but quite a few of my friends admit this) kind of chemically change so that you become preoccupied with it and everything else takes a back seat to trying to find your next lay. And that's a terrible place to be.

Thanks for shedding some light on all of the things you've addressed. Didn't know any of it at all.

 

[sean miguel]

Find a relationship. The rest will take care of itself.

Don't make 'having sex at least once' a goal.

:2 cents:

^that.

 

[Armanaeus]

Once again, thank you all.

 

[rivasky]

 

[gunslingingbird]

Screw what other people think and want, what do YOU think and want? Would you rather remember your first time as something that happened because you felt pressured to, or as a special moment that you shared with a special person? I'm a far cry from being a shining example of celibacy or chastity, but I didn't start until I was 21 or 22, I really can't remember which. Up until that point I had always been much like how you describe yourself. I also thought of saving myself for marriage. Then I met a girl that I thought I would be marrying a year later (gawd, I'm glad that didn't happen) and we did it. Do I regret having done it? Not really. Do I regret having done it with her specifically? Kind of, because, in the long run, she turned out to be far from special, and we only lasted about 3 months together.

My point is don't rush into doing it just for the sake of doing it. Find someone that means more to you than crossing off an item on your bucket list to do it with.

 

[Ace Boobtoucher]

You could always opt for castration and join a cult.

 

[John_8581]

Are you into Gregorian chants??



... aka living in a monastery. :angels:

 

[Philbert]

Are you into Gregorian chants??



... aka living in a monastery.

I'm not sure how helpful this is... wouldn't this redirect him into thoughts of sweet choirboy sex?
Might not help his situation much...


Sorry, I just can't grasp getting out of your teens a virgin...

 

[Mr_Stiffy]

Sorry, I just can't grasp getting out of your teens a virgin...

Jesus. Not everybody has the luxury of just transforming into a shagger the second they're physically capable. Some people are awkward, shy, and have no confidence, and and a result don't get close to people they're attracted to in that way. Or they find that people aren't attracted to them in that way which creates it's own insecurities. Or they let worries about their own physicality hold them back from pursuing a relationship, especially if they've grown up surrounded by shallow people for whom looks are everything. Or have an early rejection which significantly affects their developing psyche.

In other words, some of us were fat, ugly, unpopular, dorky or all of the above, and had little chance of getting laid early on, and hang-ups ABOUT all of the above made it worse as time went on.

 

[Jack Davenport]

You're obviously a homosexual. Commit a felony and go to prison for a few months. after engaging in man butt sex love while incarcerated you will be able to rejoin society and start picking up men in parks at night that would make George Michael envious.

 

[Armanaeus]

^ I don't get it. Who is a homosexual here?

By the way, I know I'm not an admin or a mod here. All I can say is that I started this thread in order to find some guidance given the situation that I'm in. I didn't start it to watch people scorch the earth of the forum.

 

[Philbert]

Jesus. Not everybody has the luxury of just transforming into a shagger the second they're physically capable. Some people are awkward, shy, and have no confidence, and and a result don't get close to people they're attracted to in that way. Or they find that people aren't attracted to them in that way which creates it's own insecurities. Or they let worries about their own physicality hold them back from pursuing a relationship, especially if they've grown up surrounded by shallow people for whom looks are everything. Or have an early rejection which significantly affects their developing psyche.

In other words, some of us were fat, ugly, unpopular, dorky or all of the above, and had little chance of getting laid early on, and hang-ups ABOUT all of the above made it worse as time went on.

I know how you feel, even though it may seem impossible to accept. However, the second you are physically capable is 12 years old or so...we're talking YEARS later here.
I grew up too smart and not smooth with people, and a bit chubby...til I hit 15, noticed how cool girls were and lost 30 lbs in a month.
Really...
I have many memories of trying to get laid, until in my late teens I started getting results that I liked.

I was not as cool as a lot of people I knew, but the idea is to get happy with a female, not look good while trying.
So...since the 70s it hasn't been a problem getting laid before marriage...it is all a matter of what a guy is willing to do.
Try and you succeed; wishin' for a good batch of roofies and you'll learn to love your right hand more than you should.
That's all I'm sayin'...
Hell...18 and you're outa high school ( unless you're a bit slow) and if you went to college...I can't go on, it's depressing to think ya'll didn't get laid til your 20somethings...
Even girls (yes, it's true) like getting high and doing the deed...
Then again, I was 19 when I decided to leave college, go look around and spent years growing my hair, traveling to this place and that, and meeting pretty ladies who didn't seem to be saving anything for their (future) husbands.
Like I said, as a former 175 lb 5'8" 13 year old geek, it's all up to you.