Hi mandy, so I'm the guy with the really long e-mail, and no, I'm not a teenager, this account is more than 10 years old as far as I remember,lol. I know u referred me to this forum to find some answers. I'm obviously not gonna put the e-mail here again coz so many questions require a paid video as u stated. I just wanna say, and u know I'm saying with no bad intent, but fuuuuck do I feel so sad for slave ray may he rest in peace :'( I know everything u did to him, he asked for it, I still feel bad af for him. I don't know if u truly enjoyed it, or later got to enjoy this type of things, or if the enjoyment was anything sexual even.. I swear if I didn't see how u interact with ppl in general, and generally sense through our beloved cyber web ur warmth and kindness u have, I would have thought the most awful things about u for agreeing to it, even if just for money and u don't/didn't enjoy it. BUT I DONT. Now I'm just " I can't understand this" and quiet in my mind and don't know what to feel. I KNOW I KNOW, I'm saying awful things then nice things, coz that's the conflict in my head. I just...I just really feel bad for the guy and I indeed hope he remembered those days in a positive light like u said before, not sth that inflicted pain for him later like how an addict regrets his past highs. I obviously share some resonance/issues that is inflicting strong emotions inside me about this subject that I need to analyze and address to resolve, that's part of where some of my questions come from (the first part of the e-mail) I guess. Anyway, I don't know why I'm sharing this, and here of all places, lol. Just..good luck on going mainstream mandy, and try to keep that amateur lust/glow, yes. And I hope u perform with many guys in the near future coz I'm looking forward to that, assuming I get over the mixed feelings ur image triggers,lol. Fans here, I know this is absolutely pointless to say, but don't crucify me? Yeh, I'm getting banned from here,lol.