Ok so my question is this, why did you start taking drugs? and when you were doing them where you in control of what you was doing?, and why did you decide to stop doing it?
Don't get me wrong i'm not a antidrug person but i don't understand why people do them, to me it just doesn't make any sense to me.
As i say i know it's a personal issue, so if you don't want to answer then don't.
Umm... I guess my drug use was due to me not being happy. Drugs can take you away from the real world and make you forget about everything else. I was in a relationship when I started abusing drugs. I was so in love with this man, but I was not getting the attention that I felt I needed and deserved. So, when he was more concerned about taking bong hits than taking me out to a movie, I would pop the valium and go to la-la land and/or pass out. It was sort of, "you're upsetting me, so I'm gonna upset you by passing out and not blowing you!"
I honestly couldn't tell you the first time I snorted cocaine. But, I loved the feeling I got when I did it. I loved that I couldn't feel my face. But I hated not being able to sleep! Coming off of coke is very hard: you don't want the numbness to go away (which is why you can't stop snorting!), so my head would start to hurt from needed the numbing, my stomach would cramp up, I'd sweat like a whore in church, and I'd shake... bad! After a weekend in Vegas of probably snorting an 8-ball MYSELF in one afternoon, I came down so harshly. I felt like I was going to die. I haven't touched it since.
As for the pain killers, I had worked up the courage to walk away from the man who had asked me to quit my job and had been supporting me for 8 months! I moved back in with my parents, and slept all day because I was taking 5 valiums a day. I was constantly sick, and my parents eventually found out and asked me to quit or leave. I left. I bounced around a little for a couple months, and finally accepted a generous offer of $10,000 from BangBros to do 4 scenes. When I got back from Miami, I leased an apartment and decided to clean up and get my act together. I haven't taken any valium, vicodin or anything like that in almost a year, except for an occasional vicodin for my back pain which was a result from a bad car accident.
Looking back, I don't see the attraction. But, at the time, it's what I lived for. My lifestyle being involved in porn is not was drove me to the drug use. It was all in my personal life, and it all started AFTER I first left the biz. And I gave it all up. I haven't done ANY drugs since April. When people mention coke around me, I can suddenly smell it (it smells like dollar bills to me!) and it makes me sick to my stomach.
I'm proud of myself to have gotten my life back together and to have been drug free for almost 7 months. I will NEVER 'experiment' again!
