if santa was real...

[Iamforever]

If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....
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Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
all yeer.
Yer Friend,
Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How
about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving
your older ******* the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
my mommy and ***** to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your ***'s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid ***, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
*****.
Let me send you some Legos instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their *** "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set
you up with a Barbie.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face
when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle
of Scotch.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend, Tho mas

Dear Tho mas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I
spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
******** myself silly and squeezing the asses of ******** waitresses
while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're ********, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa

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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our
home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live
in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,
Santa