I Masturbated on Jesus B-Day.....Twice!
- Thread starter alexpnz
- Start date
what a coincidence
Well, if you read in the Gospel of Luke, you'll see that the Spirit of God came upon the virgin Mary...
Vanilla Bear
Bears For Life
I didn't have time. Now it's already past midnight. Sorry Jesus.
thats crazy
Ace Boobtoucher
Founder and Captain of the Douchepatrol
Blasphemers and apostates. You've all forgotten what the day is truly about: making your neighbors and friends jealous with the amount and quality of your swag. I hope this will help you to remember the reason for the season.
Ace Boobtoucher
Founder and Captain of the Douchepatrol
Well, feller, there's the alternate theory that Indy and Marion conceived a Lego child and Obi Wan, Frankenstein's Monster and Jay Cutler came to pay tribute while Garfield and Snoopy were lowing. WTF is lowing, anyway? I mean, is it like purring or chewing on cud? Also, who the hell brings semi-precious shit like myrrh or frankincense to a toddler? How much would you hate to get that shit from someone claiming to be a wise man? Bring me a mufuckin' Green Machine or an Evel Knievel action figure, bitches! Anywho, enjoy another "What if" Nativity scene.
DR. B
Closed Account
Blasphemers and apostates. You've all forgotten what the day is truly about: making your neighbors and friends jealous with the amount and quality of your swag. I hope this will help you to remember the reason for the season.
LOL, Battle Beasts, omg I ain't seen those in years
DR. B
Closed Account
Well, feller, there's the alternate theory that Indy and Marion conceived a Lego child and Obi Wan, Frankenstein's Monster and Jay Cutler came to pay tribute while Garfield and Snoopy were lowing. WTF is lowing, anyway? I mean, is it like purring or chewing on cud? Also, who the hell brings semi-precious shit like myrrh or frankincense to a toddler? How much would you hate to get that shit from someone claiming to be a wise man? Bring me a mufuckin' Green Machine or an Evel Knievel action figure, bitches! Anywho, enjoy another "What if" Nativity scene.
HOLY COW!! wait... is that uncle Jesse from Hazard County???
PlasmaTwa2
The Second-Hottest Man in my Mother's Basement
Twice? Goddamn, ask Santa for a fleshlight or something.
Ace Boobtoucher
Founder and Captain of the Douchepatrol
In those days Doc Oc issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. And everyone went to their own town to register.
So Spiderman also went up from the town of Queens to Manhattan, the town of Spiderman, because he belonged to the house and line of Spiderman. He went there to register with Spiderwoman, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
And there were Spidermen living out in the fields nearby. A Spiderman appeared to them, and the glory of Spiderman shone around them, and they were terrified. But the Spiderman said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of Spiderman a Spiderman has been born to you; he is the Spiderman. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
Suddenly a great company of Spidermen appeared with the Spiderman, praising Spiderman and saying,
“Glory to Spiderman
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
When the Spidermen had left them the Spidermen said to one another, “Let’s go to Manhattan and see this thing that has happened, which the Spiderman has told us about.”
So they hurried off and found Spiderman and Spiderwoman , and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the Spidermen said to them. But Spiderwoman treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The Spidermen returned, glorifying and praising Spiderman for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
Some time later, wise men, or Spidermen , from eastern countries saw a star in the sky that signaled the birth of a new Spiderman . They came to adore the new Spiderman.
The Spidermen followed the star until it was directly above the house where Spiderman was. They found Spiderwoman and Spiderman in the house and knelt down to adore Him. They brought Spiderman gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
Fuck, can you show some respect for the man. It's his fucking birthday
Ace Boobtoucher
Founder and Captain of the Douchepatrol
No it isn't. Anyone who knows anything knows that tax time and the census were held in March or April. The decision to make December 25th the official birthday of J-man was because of Satunalia, a pagan celebration of the winter solstice. Hell, Jesus wasn't even considered divine until the tenth century.
Dude I did not write that, oh wait a minute maybe I did.
tartanterrier
Is somewhere outhere.
Thats fucking disgusting...You should be ashamed of yourself 
