i got my honeymoon coming up... ¿ any advices/ideas ?

[lechepicha]

if you're doubting your sexual future with her enough that you're coming to a porn forum to ask opinions from perfect strangers...then what does that tell you?

IMHO, you're missing the point of being a member of FreeOnes.

 

[Smallville417]

I know you said you have already talked to her, but you need to keep talking to her, and let her know your concerns.

 

[Member442]

Congratulations

You can never talk to much about sex especially if you have concerns about the future of that sex life with your partner. It's a very important part of having a healthy relationship with the person you choice to spend your life with.

 

[lechepicha]

last night i asked for doggy... and she said NO.

then i asked for cowgirl (but sitting, not kneeling, 'cause that how i like it the most) and she said YES!

i think i'm making progress...

thanks everyone for your advice...

 

[betagammapi]

What's her reaction when you ask for a blowjob?

Seriously, I'm kind of in the same in-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place myself and I definitely knew that going in. Gotta love my wife, but the porn is definitely there during the rough times (pretty much every day).

If you're that into sex and you're afraid she isn't open to enough of it, you might want to communicate about that before you get married. You might not be able to do anything about it, but it needs to be on the table and it needs to be talked about. It's better than your future wife potentially getting that constant nagging feeling that you might stray away from her in the future.

We've been open about it but it pretty much comes down to that she doesn't have time or doesn't want to do it. Is it a problem? Yes. She knows I'm frustrated. She also knows that I watch porn almost every day to get off. I know that she's okay with the porn, and I know that she's trying to get more interested in sex and do it as often as she can.

I can't say its really improving all that much, but it is a little and at least I can ask for a blowjob once in a while (she knows that's what really gets me off). Too bad they aren't that good and she never finishes me with her mouth...but that's for another thread perhaps.

Point is, be open with her and definitely talk about it.

 

[SpexyAshleigh]

I hate to even bring this up, but is she the kind of girl who can be like...bought off? Not saying to pay her for shit, but is there a fair trade-off that she'd be eager to take part in? Every woman has SOMETHING that they'd chew off their left arm for...or in this case, take it up the ass/go doggy/suck dick for. Alot of men, and women for that matter think that you "shouldn't have to bribe in a relationship" but in reality, you're asking for something that she's obviously not comfy giving, but are you ok giving something in return that might make HER happy? I mean its just a suggestion, you don't need to do it and hopefully don't get offended.

But an ex of mine, if he wanted to something that REALLY turned him on, but either didn't feel good to me, or I wasn't interested in, we'd negotiate. For example, he really liked sex standing up, but it always ended up being uncomfy for me and sometimes painful so I didn't like doing it. But we decided that if he was going to ask for something, then it was only fair that I get to ask for something too. So some nites we'd trade...he gets what he wants in the sack, and I get a nice massage. Or he wants a blowjob in the bathroom of the shopping mall- well he had to buy me some nice boots first.

I mean if you're big on romance, then its likely not for you. But we always had fun negotiating and it excited him knowing that he could get what he wanted by figuring out and doing what made me happy first. I'm a realist, and realistically, there's always going to be something thats lacking in a partner, sexually or otherwise. And there likely is always going to be something you're gonna wanna do with your partner that she's not too keen on. But turn the table, and sure you might not understand or want to take her on a romantic date/buy her a new purse/do laundry for a week...but if that turns her on and gets her excited, why not just "trade" services? Then both parties get what they want! Made our relationship alot easier and we were always both satisfied in different ways. You gotta remember, she's wired differently than you are, so sex likely isn't a big priority to her, otherwise she'd be enjoying it and experimenting more. So speak her language...and she might just speak yours.

 

[Member2019]

the m-day is coming up...
my gal isn't as sexually active/creative as i wanted to be, but my hope is that change after the marriage...
...right ?

And you're asking us? Dude, seriously, sit her down ... now! You need to be open with your desires, and she needs to be open with her limits.

 

[CherylFan]

last night i asked for doggy... and she said NO.

then i asked for cowgirl (but sitting, not kneeling, 'cause that how i like it the most) and she said YES!

i think i'm making progress...

thanks everyone for your advice...

Don`t want to pry but did you ask her why she wouldn`t let you do doggy? Maybe there`s something she`s worried about or afraid of and if you don`t know you can`t deal with it.

 

[Asianlov69]

good advice is not sleep with the cheerleader.. she is all used up;... but find the fat/or ugly girl.. she got into shape and may still be a virgin.. and she is ready...

 

[Member2019]

and i ALREADY masturbating in the... well, i jerk off a lot.

Does she have a problem with you masturbating?

Here's the deal, maybe she doesn't like sex as much as you. So, is she against you jerking off? If so, that's a problem. If she can't give you sex as much as you want, then she should give allowances so you can pleasure yourself.

There's no reason you shouldn't be sexually active while you can. So many people go, "oh, you'll have time." Or, "it's selfish to wanna fuck as much as you can." Fuck them. While you're capable, fuck. Why not now? You start feeling less capable as you age, and into your 40s and 50s, you'll wish you would have had more.

When my wife and I were first together, she had the 18 months or so of "newness" and she wanted it more than me. The 18 months before we married through our first few years of marriage, the "newness" had worn off -- I was into my 20s prime and wanted it more than her. There were a couple of times she pulled some shit, and I was really -- and I mean really pleasuring her in great ratio to myself -- and she was really selfish, not appreciating it, and not taking care of me.

But once she closed in on her 30s, started hitting her sexual prime, realized how selfish many of husbands (and ex-husbands) her friends had, and how much I did something for her every day to make her feel special, she wanted to fuck even more than when she first met me. This was compounded by the fact that she started to realize I wasn't the 18-25 year-old stud any more, couldn't go repeatedly as much, and wanted to "fuck as much while we still can for the remaining years." Something I had told her long ago.

Today she wants to give me head more than I can take -- I shit you not. All she wants to do is pleasure me, like I did her when I was in my sexual prime. I can have it whenever I want. She gives me an open invite to grope her whenever I want. There is no "rules" any more. We fuck and both enjoy it. She gets off today like she never did before, even back when I was far, far more "serving" to her.

Fuck while you can. If she doesn't appreciate that, get her to understand you're only getting less capable every day. Maybe she wants something. Maybe she's afraid to ask. Maybe something. You have to find out why! Not 10+ years into your marriage.

This.
Save your "wedding nite" until the nite AFTER the wedding. Otherwise you're both gonna be way too tired to really get into it. After my wedding, I was so tired (and sore from lugging around a 20lb dress all day) that I just hopped in the jacuzzi and passed out.

I spent the night before my wedding sucking my wife's face, and doing nothing else. We were building anticipation. People were making fun of us, that we weren't having bachlor/bachlorette parties an other nonse. Frankly, I could give a shit what they thought.

But we were still tired after our wedding, especially driving 5 hours to our honeymoon cabin.

Of course, I got a BJs on the highway on the drive down. But once we hit the cabin, she was in the jacuzzi and nearly passing out as well. Of course, she was relaxed, and those DD cups floating in the jacuzzi were just fine for me.

We actually didn't "consummate" our marriage with intercourse until the third night after our wedding. She was well rested by then and it's a cowgirl ride I will never forget. Most memorable sex with her ... ever.

Have lots of sex while you're young. There should be no limits. In fact, the only inhibition to sex should be anger and fights. I've never had make-up sex in all the years with my wife, and I never will. We fuck only when we like each other.

If anything, I would strongly argue that is the most important lesson and key to a healthy marriage. If people would be taught to abstain from make-up sex, instead of just sex, that would remove all of the other, bullshit arguments. People need to work out their differences, instead of just relying on sex to look past them.

 

[C.K. Lawrence]

I hate to even bring this up, but is she the kind of girl who can be like...bought off? Not saying to pay her for shit, but is there a fair trade-off that she'd be eager to take part in? Every woman has SOMETHING that they'd chew off their left arm for...or in this case, take it up the ass/go doggy/suck dick for. Alot of men, and women for that matter think that you "shouldn't have to bribe in a relationship" but in reality, you're asking for something that she's obviously not comfy giving, but are you ok giving something in return that might make HER happy? I mean its just a suggestion, you don't need to do it and hopefully don't get offended.

But an ex of mine, if he wanted to something that REALLY turned him on, but either didn't feel good to me, or I wasn't interested in, we'd negotiate. For example, he really liked sex standing up, but it always ended up being uncomfy for me and sometimes painful so I didn't like doing it. But we decided that if he was going to ask for something, then it was only fair that I get to ask for something too. So some nites we'd trade...he gets what he wants in the sack, and I get a nice massage. Or he wants a blowjob in the bathroom of the shopping mall- well he had to buy me some nice boots first.

I mean if you're big on romance, then its likely not for you. But we always had fun negotiating and it excited him knowing that he could get what he wanted by figuring out and doing what made me happy first. I'm a realist, and realistically, there's always going to be something thats lacking in a partner, sexually or otherwise. And there likely is always going to be something you're gonna wanna do with your partner that she's not too keen on. But turn the table, and sure you might not understand or want to take her on a romantic date/buy her a new purse/do laundry for a week...but if that turns her on and gets her excited, why not just "trade" services? Then both parties get what they want! Made our relationship alot easier and we were always both satisfied in different ways. You gotta remember, she's wired differently than you are, so sex likely isn't a big priority to her, otherwise she'd be enjoying it and experimenting more. So speak her language...and she might just speak yours.

What type of boots?

 

[Member2019]

Every woman has SOMETHING that they'd chew off their left arm for...or in this case, take it up the ass/go doggy/suck dick for.

I think it's more about compatibility. Every man/woman has positions/feats that bother them, and that only leads to fear of the other person asking. So the key is finding something that "gives the same (or almost the same) pleasure," but is more amenable to both partners.

My wife loves to give head, a lot of head. She always did, but she wants to give it far more today than before. It's because she has some positions she just can't deal with. I never go there. She has no fear to give me any head.

Heck, sometimes compatibility is about the most simple of things.

Like men, I love to grope a woman's body, on a whim. My wife has DD-F cup breasts, the softest part of her body. I learned long ago that as long as I grope them in a way she enjoys, I can do it any time. As a woman with hanging breasts, she likes them "airated" regularly, especially the skin under where they hang. At the same time, my favorite thing, like most large, natural breast lovers, is to "hold them against gravity, feel the size, the softness." Needless to say I copulate her breasts, in pure, male, selfish lust, over a dozen times a day, and she loves it.

Yes, it gives me a major boner, and I want to bend her over and ram her on a whim too. But I wait for her to be in the mood, leaving every grope to anticipation only. When she wants it, she communicates that she wants it with her body, and we go at it. In fact, intimacy requires energy. So it's also very important for the woman to "be up for it," especially as she gets older. If she knows you're just going to play and not pressure her to "go the distance," she'll also be up for play any time.

Getting past those issues is key, or at least it was in my marriage early on.

Alot of men, and women for that matter think that you "shouldn't have to bribe in a relationship" but in reality, you're asking for something that she's obviously not comfy giving, but are you ok giving something in return that might make HER happy? I mean its just a suggestion, you don't need to do it and hopefully don't get offended.

Actually, I think a major, saving detail of my sexual relationship with my wife is that we always want to give each other oral pleasure. We fight over it. We 69 a lot. We have positions where we both get and deliver pleasure to each other.

I know the first few years of my marriage, she really got off with me having intercourse by not going in her deep, just shallow. My helmet hit her G-spot and I'd work it for as long as I could, to at least her first orgasm half of the time. Once she went, flooded and started quivering, it made for some of my best, unloads as well.

I'm not as young and she's "more open" in her cavity now, so it's rarely the case now. I've had to adjust, pleasure her in other ways. In fact, now she's more into the "banging her hard" (one of the reasons why I think older women should be with younger guys, but that's another story), although I work her up, long and extensively (especially with her begging for more oral every year), before inserting.

I think the key to long-term love making is making those adjustments, finding those positions that work for both.

I mean if you're big on romance, then its likely not for you.

Some women don't like to talk. In fact, some women avoid it and think the man should "just figure them out."

My wife doesn't like to me to talk, or should I say, my wife doesn't like me to "analyze." She likes me to act innocent, act surprised, not say much, and let her run her mouth (of which she's nastier than a pornstar when she's getting it good). I love it too. It took a bit of finding a balance, using a "pinch" as a "safe word" (to let the other know it's hurting), and other things.

So it might be that she doesn't want him to just come out and say, "give me doggie." Maybe it's starting the intimacy, letting her know beforehand, "if you don't like something, just pinch me and I'll switch." Frankly, a single position is not going to satisfy many lovers, at least the women I've been exposed to. They want variety in bed. In my wife's case, she loves to order me.

Yes, I'm her bitch. Of course, she loves me to reach a point of "frustration" that I just take control. That too took several years to learn.

But we always had fun negotiating and it excited him knowing that he could get what he wanted by figuring out and doing what made me happy first.

There are many ways to play, role-play, give-take play, so many. Some women get worked up with that.

Early into our marriage, my wife didn't like to do several things. One was that she didn't like to orgasm from me giving her oral -- yeah, I know. It was because it was too intense. She kneed me in the check, hard, once when she blew her gasket, and had a fear ever since then.

So one thing we did early into our marriage was use play money. She had fixed prices. Ironically, BJs were the least -- if you can believe it -- but she fixed the prices based on her "effort" and "intensity." BJs were the least effort for her. Me giving her oral was $500 (the highest by a wide margin). Sometimes she'd "refund" some money if she really enjoyed it and it was the least effort. The money also lead her to her fantasy of "being paid" like a high class "tart" (the term I used once that she loved -- including "filling my tart" being that all we have is unprotected sex).

One time I threw down the $500 when she least expected it, tried to get out of it, I pushed her on the bed and went at her pussy for 45 minutes. She never pinched me and I kept it up. Slow, but consistent. She tried to get me to stop many times, but never used the pinch. I just over powered her and made her cum like she never did before. That's also when I first started to realize she had a fetish of being overpowered, and me being the guy that never, ever overpowered a woman ("no means no", never did it with a woman who was drunk, won't even have sex with my wife if she's been drinking).

The key is learning your woman and finding out what she likes.

I'm a realist, and realistically, there's always going to be something thats lacking in a partner, sexually or otherwise. And there likely is always going to be something you're gonna wanna do with your partner that she's not too keen on. But turn the table, and sure you might not understand or want to take her on a romantic date/buy her a new purse/do laundry for a week...but if that turns her on and gets her excited, why not just "trade" services? Then both parties get what they want! Made our relationship alot easier and we were always both satisfied in different ways. You gotta remember, she's wired differently than you are, so sex likely isn't a big priority to her, otherwise she'd be enjoying it and experimenting more. So speak her language...and she might just speak yours.

While women are wired differently, sex is a priority for many women. It's finding what burns them with that priority that is key.

I'm still learning my wife after almost 2 decades. We fuck more now than when we first met and definitely more than when were first married.

 

[coleman_stoops]

the m-day is coming up...

my gal isn't as sexually active/creative as i wanted to be, but my hope is that change after the marriage...

...right ?

Wrong.

Dead wrong.

Hopelessly wrong.

You, my friend, are on a collision course with what might well be a worst-case scenario. If she has a set of inhibitions to go with that creativity/activity vacuum, I am truly sorry for you: I should know, after approximately 36 years in that same married situation.

Should that turn out to be the case, you can try, but don't get your hopes up. You may experience some degree of success but more than likely she'll be humoring you rather than finding she enjoys something new. Good luck and I hope you're one of the exceptions to the rule.

 

[SpexyAshleigh]

I think it's more about compatibility. Every man/woman has positions/feats that bother them, and that only leads to fear of the other person asking. So the key is finding something that "gives the same (or almost the same) pleasure," but is more amenable to both partners.

My wife loves to give head, a lot of head. She always did, but she wants to give it far more today than before. It's because she has some positions she just can't deal with. I never go there. She has no fear to give me any head.

Heck, sometimes compatibility is about the most simple of things.

Like men, I love to grope a woman's body, on a whim. My wife has DD-F cup breasts, the softest part of her body. I learned long ago that as long as I grope them in a way she enjoys, I can do it any time. As a woman with hanging breasts, she likes them "airated" regularly, especially the skin under where they hang. At the same time, my favorite thing, like most large, natural breast lovers, is to "hold them against gravity, feel the size, the softness." Needless to say I copulate her breasts, in pure, male, selfish lust, over a dozen times a day, and she loves it.

Yes, it gives me a major boner, and I want to bend her over and ram her on a whim too. But I wait for her to be in the mood, leaving every grope to anticipation only. When she wants it, she communicates that she wants it with her body, and we go at it. In fact, intimacy requires energy. So it's also very important for the woman to "be up for it," especially as she gets older. If she knows you're just going to play and not pressure her to "go the distance," she'll also be up for play any time.

Getting past those issues is key, or at least it was in my marriage early on.

Actually, I think a major, saving detail of my sexual relationship with my wife is that we always want to give each other oral pleasure. We fight over it. We 69 a lot. We have positions where we both get and deliver pleasure to each other.

I know the first few years of my marriage, she really got off with me having intercourse by not going in her deep, just shallow. My helmet hit her G-spot and I'd work it for as long as I could, to at least her first orgasm half of the time. Once she went, flooded and started quivering, it made for some of my best, unloads as well.

I'm not as young and she's "more open" in her cavity now, so it's rarely the case now. I've had to adjust, pleasure her in other ways. In fact, now she's more into the "banging her hard" (one of the reasons why I think older women should be with younger guys, but that's another story), although I work her up, long and extensively (especially with her begging for more oral every year), before inserting.

I think the key to long-term love making is making those adjustments, finding those positions that work for both.

Some women don't like to talk. In fact, some women avoid it and think the man should "just figure them out."

My wife doesn't like to me to talk, or should I say, my wife doesn't like me to "analyze." She likes me to act innocent, act surprised, not say much, and let her run her mouth (of which she's nastier than a pornstar when she's getting it good). I love it too. It took a bit of finding a balance, using a "pinch" as a "safe word" (to let the other know it's hurting), and other things.

So it might be that she doesn't want him to just come out and say, "give me doggie." Maybe it's starting the intimacy, letting her know beforehand, "if you don't like something, just pinch me and I'll switch." Frankly, a single position is not going to satisfy many lovers, at least the women I've been exposed to. They want variety in bed. In my wife's case, she loves to order me.

Yes, I'm her bitch. Of course, she loves me to reach a point of "frustration" that I just take control. That too took several years to learn.

There are many ways to play, role-play, give-take play, so many. Some women get worked up with that.

Early into our marriage, my wife didn't like to do several things. One was that she didn't like to orgasm from me giving her oral -- yeah, I know. It was because it was too intense. She kneed me in the check, hard, once when she blew her gasket, and had a fear ever since then.

So one thing we did early into our marriage was use play money. She had fixed prices. Ironically, BJs were the least -- if you can believe it -- but she fixed the prices based on her "effort" and "intensity." BJs were the least effort for her. Me giving her oral was $500 (the highest by a wide margin). Sometimes she'd "refund" some money if she really enjoyed it and it was the least effort. The money also lead her to her fantasy of "being paid" like a high class "tart" (the term I used once that she loved -- including "filling my tart" being that all we have is unprotected sex).

One time I threw down the $500 when she least expected it, tried to get out of it, I pushed her on the bed and went at her pussy for 45 minutes. She never pinched me and I kept it up. Slow, but consistent. She tried to get me to stop many times, but never used the pinch. I just over powered her and made her cum like she never did before. That's also when I first started to realize she had a fetish of being overpowered, and me being the guy that never, ever overpowered a woman ("no means no", never did it with a woman who was drunk, won't even have sex with my wife if she's been drinking).

The key is learning your woman and finding out what she likes.

While women are wired differently, sex is a priority for many women. It's finding what burns them with that priority that is key.

I'm still learning my wife after almost 2 decades. We fuck more now than when we first met and definitely more than when were first married.

I scanned over this whole thing briefly and don't get why you posted it. We're not talking about what you're wife likes, or what "some/most women" out there enjoy/don't enjoy. We're talking about the original posters uptight and borderline frigid wifes inability to please him sexually.

I agree with everything you said, some women DO love sex, some women DO put sex as a priority etc etc. But this dudes wife clearly doesn't...hence my advice to test out maybe making more of an incentive for her to give him what he wants. Marriage is all about give and take, but more importantly, should be about compromise. He wants what he wants, and thats fine...but she may be happier giving him what he wants if he's willing to give her what SHE wants at the same time. And then both parties end up happy and satisfied in their own way. I'm not even talking about financially bribing her either, some women get insanely turned on by their hubbies simply doing the dishes and taking care of the kids for an evening so she can have a bubble bath and relax.

But in any case, sounds like you have a satisfying sexual relationship with your lady, so good for you...

But whats up with the OP? Did he tie the knot?

 

[CherylFan]

I think you shoudl have her in whatever positino she`lllet you, and make sure she has a good time. Then try to get her into another position and take her again. If she really doesn`t want you to do something then you shouldn`t force her., but her not letting you take her doggystyle does sound a bit odd unless she doesn`t trust you ntoto try to take her up the arse. If thats the case then theres a huge communication issu going on.

 

[Red Spyder]

The newly-weds are in their honeymoon suite and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his pants and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your pants."

"And don't forget that" he replies, "I will always wear the pants in this family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies, "I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never will if you don't change your attitude."

 

[Member2019]

I scanned over this whole thing briefly and don't get why you posted it. We're not talking about what you're wife likes, or what "some/most women" out there enjoy/don't enjoy. We're talking about the original posters uptight and borderline frigid wifes inability to please him sexually.

I understand, but I'm just giving some examples. My wife wasn't compatible with myself out-of-the-box, and it took some games and some discussions. I was just giving examples.

I agree with everything you said, some women DO love sex, some women DO put sex as a priority etc etc. But this dudes wife clearly doesn't...

I might have said the same thing about my wife after the first 18 months I dated her through the first few years of my marriage. It took some work to find some common ground.