How to masturbate with produce foods. Produce sex tips.

[BlueBalls]

I like masturbating with a peeled and washed parsnip shoved down my urethra.

 

[L3ggy]

For oral, vaginal, or anal insertion. Buy the phallic style produce. Examples: Bananas, zucchini, cucumber, or squash.

For inserting either penis or strap on dildo. Buy squish round style produce. Examples: Tomatoes, carve little hole and insert penis, begin pumping. Oranges, lemons for the kinky, kiwi for the hairy bush lovers, pineapples for the exotic lovers.

Trust me! I never done this! Therefore, I am sure, it will work. Maybe. I mean... sure there are a lot of women going around in a grocery store. But who needs them? When you can buy fresh produce...



And have sex with it!

Women. Pfffft! Go bang a dildo! Us men have produce to sex up.

Post your produce sex tips in this thread here!!! Maximum satisfaction will be obtained! And we will love our produce until the day we die!!!!!

This is, uh, normal

 

[~~whimsy~~]

My potatoes have been eying me seductively recently.

Be not ashamed of your produce sex life! Allow your potatoes to show you the way of wondrous pleasures!

I like masturbating with a peeled and washed parsnip shoved down my urethra.

I've known many in our produce sex world to do this kind of action. I never knew what they got out of it, but more power to them and their produce!

I would advise you try a string bean and work your way up.

Alas! The world is becoming more and more aware of produce sex!

BWAHAHAHAHA

 

[StanScratch]

Now my tangelos are starting to become apeeling

 

[~~whimsy~~]

This is, uh, normal

I see your interest in produce love brought you to this thread. Welcome.

Take your pick at produce and later on will be the "Love Your Produce" seminar.

 

[HeartBroker]

Food (especially fruit) is just too valuable these days