Ace Boobtoucher
Founder and Captain of the Douchepatrol
I made poutine in honor of the day. And now a few facts about Canada:
1) The worlds first UFO landing pad was built in 1967 in St. Paul Alberta.
2) Approximately 2 kliometres (which, according to normal people, is about 1.6 miles) below Sudbury, Ontario lies the world’s deepest underground lab, SNOLAB.
3) 2.4 Million Caribou (reindeer) live in Canada.
4) Total annual number of car accidents that involve moose: 247
5) 77% of the world’s maple syrup is made in Quebec.
6) Canada produces 1.5% of the world’s food but only consumes 0.6%
7) It is illegal to move alcohol between provinces without permission.
8) Canada has more doughnut shops per capita than anywhere else.
9) 9.5 million Canadians speak French
10) The first known use of the term “Canuck” referring to a Canadian is dated back to 1835.
11) Canada is the best G20 country in which to be a woman.
12) Canada can lay claim to IMAX, the electric wheelchair and Trivial Pursuit.
13) 80% of all alcohol consumed in Canada is beer.
14) 42% of the Canadian population have a higher education qualification.
15) You can write in any language to North Pole, HOH OHO, Canada and get a letter back from Santa!
16) Loonies & Toonies
17) 850m - The length of the world’s longest beaver dam found in Northern Alberta.
18) 15,500 of the world’s 25,000 polar bears live in Canada.
19) In Saskatchewan a hoodie is called a “bunnyhug”.
20) 35-50% of all music broadcast on Canadian radio must be Canadian.
21) Every Canada Day, EPCOT celebrates by clearing the Canada pavilion in order to make room for the crowds that will gather for the 4th of July fireworks.
22) If a Canadian man has not committed a felony by age 21 he must become a gay prostitute.
23) The beady eyes and flappy heads depicted in South Park are one hundred percent accurate.
24) The Tim Horton drug cartel kills more people annually than all Mexican cartels combined.
25) Nearly 3 out of 10 Canadian homes have working toilets
26) If you want to get the full attention of a waiter in MONTREAL, it's customary to speak in their native GERMAN and yell "Hey garcon whose tete is made of MERDE!" and throw a FORK at him. DO NOT THROW A SPOON--this is considered an insult!
27) 75% of all Canadians have arm wrestled a bear. Only 21% will win.
28) Most CANADIANS are FRIENDLY and PLEASANT to SPEAK WITH. Except Scott. That guy's a dick.
If a Canadian complains about AMERICA, scream "Margaret Trudeau was a SLUT!" and smile triumphantly at his baffled silence. Happy Canada Day, you damn dirty frostbacks.
1) The worlds first UFO landing pad was built in 1967 in St. Paul Alberta.
2) Approximately 2 kliometres (which, according to normal people, is about 1.6 miles) below Sudbury, Ontario lies the world’s deepest underground lab, SNOLAB.
3) 2.4 Million Caribou (reindeer) live in Canada.
4) Total annual number of car accidents that involve moose: 247
5) 77% of the world’s maple syrup is made in Quebec.
6) Canada produces 1.5% of the world’s food but only consumes 0.6%
7) It is illegal to move alcohol between provinces without permission.
8) Canada has more doughnut shops per capita than anywhere else.
9) 9.5 million Canadians speak French
10) The first known use of the term “Canuck” referring to a Canadian is dated back to 1835.
11) Canada is the best G20 country in which to be a woman.
12) Canada can lay claim to IMAX, the electric wheelchair and Trivial Pursuit.
13) 80% of all alcohol consumed in Canada is beer.
14) 42% of the Canadian population have a higher education qualification.
15) You can write in any language to North Pole, HOH OHO, Canada and get a letter back from Santa!
16) Loonies & Toonies
17) 850m - The length of the world’s longest beaver dam found in Northern Alberta.
18) 15,500 of the world’s 25,000 polar bears live in Canada.
19) In Saskatchewan a hoodie is called a “bunnyhug”.
20) 35-50% of all music broadcast on Canadian radio must be Canadian.
21) Every Canada Day, EPCOT celebrates by clearing the Canada pavilion in order to make room for the crowds that will gather for the 4th of July fireworks.
22) If a Canadian man has not committed a felony by age 21 he must become a gay prostitute.
23) The beady eyes and flappy heads depicted in South Park are one hundred percent accurate.
24) The Tim Horton drug cartel kills more people annually than all Mexican cartels combined.
25) Nearly 3 out of 10 Canadian homes have working toilets
26) If you want to get the full attention of a waiter in MONTREAL, it's customary to speak in their native GERMAN and yell "Hey garcon whose tete is made of MERDE!" and throw a FORK at him. DO NOT THROW A SPOON--this is considered an insult!
27) 75% of all Canadians have arm wrestled a bear. Only 21% will win.
28) Most CANADIANS are FRIENDLY and PLEASANT to SPEAK WITH. Except Scott. That guy's a dick.
If a Canadian complains about AMERICA, scream "Margaret Trudeau was a SLUT!" and smile triumphantly at his baffled silence. Happy Canada Day, you damn dirty frostbacks.
