Hand Job: Rules for women as stated by a man

[lppedreira]

1. First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it & be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. If you ever tell me what to say & not to say to my friends again, you won't have to worry about getting those little hairs stuck in your teeth...because you won't have any.
6. Maybe if you brushed your teeth & got the dick off your breath we would stick around afterward.
7. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching & moaning.
8. Speaking of which, if you are ******** for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
9. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the **** end of the stick in flavor country.
10. At least there is no danger of a dick ******** in your mouth
11. Play with the balls
12. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
13. Blowjobs are the only reason we spend time with you instead of our friends, take that away and you are, literally, useless.
14. Caress the ass, too, we like that.
15. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat (and you will) and looking for some action, gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound ******".
16. If you swallow, then you won't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you? Leave the thinking to us girls, okay?

 

[lppedreira]

There are rules for men as stated by a woman too.. but it doesn´t matter! hehe...

 

[Will E Worm]

16. If you swallow, then you won't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you? Leave the thinking to us girls, okay?

Don't you mean, "Leave the thinking to us men."

 

[Skyraider22]

There are rules

 

[Jagger69]

^

I like the way you think!

:thumbsup:

 

[thebear247]

great rules but i would **** to see the womens oral demands

 

[johnkewl]

Sorry can't change the rules! lol

 

[bodie54]

Sometimes lists like these that employ exaggerated gender stereotypes for humorous affect are fairly amusing. This isn't one of those times. It's actually a pretty offensive one, imo.

And obviously it's about BJs, not HJs.

 

[ChefChiTown]

Shouldn't Rule #1 be...

"Don't waste your time giving me a handjob. Why do you think that doing something to me that I can do to myself is something I would actually look forward to? I mean, if I could suck my own dick, I probably wouldn't be too hyped if you...eh, yeeeeah, ok...I probably would. But, my point remains valid."

 

[bodie54]

I dunno Chef. Maybe you're more flexible than me but I can't give myself a reach around like the ones I get from Seno......ummm......I mean, from a girl.

:o

 

[D-rock]

If I gave most of those rules to a woman I would feel the need to kick my own ass for being a putz.

 

[anomaly]

17. Who the hell wants a handjob?

 

[laxe]

1. First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it & be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. If you ever tell me what to say & not to say to my friends again, you won't have to worry about getting those little hairs stuck in your teeth...because you won't have any.
6. Maybe if you brushed your teeth & got the dick off your breath we would stick around afterward.
7. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching & moaning.
8. Speaking of which, if you are ******** for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
9. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the **** end of the stick in flavor country.
10. At least there is no danger of a dick ******** in your mouth
11. Play with the balls
12. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
13. Blowjobs are the only reason we spend time with you instead of our friends, take that away and you are, literally, useless.
14. Caress the ass, too, we like that.
15. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat (and you will) and looking for some action, gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound ******".
16. If you swallow, then you won't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you? Leave the thinking to us girls, okay?

umm, no

 

[gunslingingbird]

I dunno Chef. Maybe you're more flexible than me but I can't give myself a reach around like the ones I get from Seno......ummm......I mean, from a girl.

:o

I agree. She gives the best reach arounds I've ever had. :glugglug:

 

[Ashleigh]

ha.

if my man said this **** to me, his ass would be out the door! I make the rules when it comes to sex, not him

(and ps. this list sounds like it was made by some bitter 45 yr old who's only gotten head like, once. Wouldn't be shocking since he obviously has too much time on his hands NOT getting blowjobs to be able to write a list as stupid as this!)

 

[STDiva]

whoever wrote this list must not like blowjobs, because he aint getting any after these rules.

 

[shayd]

(and ps. this list sounds like it was made by some bitter 45 yr old who's only gotten head like, once. Wouldn't be shocking since he obviously has too much time on his hands NOT getting blowjobs to be able to write a list as stupid as this!)

Couldn't agree more. The hostility displayed there certainly won't get anyone any action anytime soon.

whoever wrote this list must not like blowjobs, because he aint getting any after these rules.

Bingo.

 

[Katja]

ha.

if my man said this **** to me, his ass would be out the door! I make the rules when it comes to sex, not him

(and ps. this list sounds like it was made by some bitter 45 yr old who's only gotten head like, once. Wouldn't be shocking since he obviously has too much time on his hands NOT getting blowjobs to be able to write a list as stupid as this!)

Well it was to be expected an argument between the sexes would come out of this. lol. But Im not complaining. Sex is one of the few things that I encourage women to make the rules. It's so much hotter when she tells me what to do.

 

[STDiva]

Well it was to be expected an argument between the sexes would come out of this. lol. But Im not complaining. Sex is one of the few things that I encourage women to make the rules. It's so much hotter when she tells me what to do.

It is good when they make the rules, but I like breaking rules.

 

[Hot Mega]

ha.

if my man said this **** to me, his ass would be out the door! I make the rules when it comes to sex, not him

(and ps. this list sounds like it was made by some bitter 45 yr old who's only gotten head like, once. Wouldn't be shocking since he obviously has too much time on his hands NOT getting blowjobs to be able to write a list as stupid as this!)

whoever wrote this list must not like blowjobs, because he aint getting any after these rules.

Couldn't agree more. The hostility displayed there certainly won't get anyone any action anytime soon.

Well, it's a big world out there and believe it or not, there are women (submissive types) who like being talked to and treated in this way.