Green Jokes

[gulnazru]

Sperm Count

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."sperm count
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried,
we still couldn't get the jar open."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried,
we still couldn't get the jar open."

 

[gulnazru]

BACON & EGGS

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a
farm, his mother
asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little
boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his
chores.

Well, he's a little irritated, so he goes to feed the
chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.
He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a
bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have
any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother! says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you
don't get any eggs for a week.
I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a
week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you
aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the
cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says
, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?

 

[gulnazru]

here's my contribution for the day:
A woman comes out of the shower one morning. Her husband sneaks up behind her, grabs a hold of her breasts, and says 'honey, if you firm these up a little bit you wouldn't have to wear a bra quite as much.'

She was furious and didn't speak to him for the rest of the week.

The next week, as she comes out of the shower, he sneaks up behind her again, grabs a hold of her buttocks, and says 'honey, if you firm these up a little bit, you wouldn't have to wear a girdle quite as much.

Well she was furious.

Next morning, he comes out of the shower, and she sneaks up behind him, grasp a hold of his penis, and says 'you know honey, if you firm this up a little bit, I wouldn't have to see your brother quite as much!!!"

 

[manolodourden]

No me he enterado de nada :tongue:
:dunno: