Digging for treasure eh? You're a brave soul. I heard that even Indiana Jones ventured into those depths and never returned.
Ah, but Jones didn't have my system of exploration. He was more of a run in and see what happens kind of guy and that's fine, sometimes a situation needs that kind of thing. But not always, and having now heard of his untimely demise I'm sure you'll all agree that the Jones method - while useful - is extremely flawed. Although lets face it, every mode of action is flawed even my own secret analytical approach to the exploration of new lands, even in moist, humid, flesh rotting and sweaty surrounds such as these it has its flaws, but this is why we explore my lad once you lose that sense of excitement your days as a competent explorer are all but over. So yes, I'll stick rigidly to my own personal approach and if it leads me in an out safely we shall rejoice like the Kings of old and no virgin shall leave us defrocked! But if I should meet my demise within those treacherous depths at least I can say to myself during those final moments as I struggle for my final breath without any sense of irony or self loathing that I am experiencing a true gentlemen's death and that is something I should be proud of.
So my friends if there comes a time when you have to pull my pickled corpse out of those vinegary depths of beyond I hope you find the faint inkling of a smile across my lips, because I will have died doing what I love; digging for gold between a morbidly obese woman's rotting, vile smelling legs.