Deep Into The Complex Mind Of Stan Scratch

[PirateKing]

A small price to pay for a jalepeno scented dick. The ladies/guys/Dirk will be all over you now.

 

[StanScratch]

^^ Nice. That is certainly complex.

... do you want some peanuts?

YES! Finally! Someone offered me a...oh...that was peanuts. Damn it.

While I'd like to mock you, this very thing may have happened to me once.

Turns out donkey saliva takes the burning away.

Well, everyone knows that. Donkey saliva cures all that ails you.

I smell an HBO mini-series

Stan's Cock Unlimited.

No that's just Stan's cock.

Don't feel ashamed about it though, I fell for it once. But what can you do, once you've got your finger up "HBOs" ass and their balls are flapping against your chin there's really no turning back at that point.

Wait...I was supposed to get a miniseries after doing all that. ****. Back to the HBO offices.

so it is a musical, with a rusty trombone?

Obviously, the theme will be It's Raining Men.

In other words, you found a handsome guy at work who was all into house repairs, renovation, and outdoors work. You wanted to blow him, at least. So, because you enjoy cocking. Had some chicken left over, in other words, KY jelly, you decided to give him the handjob/blowjob of the century!

It was HOT! You loved it! Every bit of it. Tasted good; felt good; couldn't get enough of it.



You felt every inch of him up. His hot, sweaty, sexy penis. No big deal. You done this many times before. So freaking hot! You dirty whore!



Oh! DAMN! He's long gone, I'm getting ready for bed, to masturbate thinking about earlier in the day where you gave a guy the time of his life. And yours. You dirty little bitch!

Thing is, something is burning.... OMG!

He had a STD! It BURNSSSSsssssss!

ALL OVER MY HANDS! But I washed my hands afterward...

It burns so much. I caught a STD once again by giving some random guy a HJ and BJ. No masturbating tonight. I went to the doctor for penicillin. Again.

When will I ever learn? Damn my sluttiness!

I'm a fucking slut! I, StanScratch, should be named StanSluttyScratch!

What can I say? I'm a sucker for men who know how to work with their hands. That's why I work at a home improvement store.


Call me~~~




And that is the TRUTH behind this whole thread.

Because I was that guy. :shy:

Did you like the STD, bitch!?

That does remind me, thank you for the great Saturday night, Whimsy...though describing yourself as a hunk is going just a little bit over the line.

You are a simple-minded fool!

Der? Homer shake angry stick at you!

What would Kobe do? :dunno:

I think you should have peeped through the keyhole of your neighbor. That fat trucker whose farts you hear through the paper thin walls, that would've helped alleviate your pain...

The 60-year-old lesbians who go at it very noisily makes me wish I had that fat trucker as a neighbor.
Nah. No it doesn't.

Eventually you will have to worry about a burning sensation in another orifice. I'm Just Saying. :dunno:

Remarkably, the peppers really do not effect my digestive system that much. I don't eat them a whole lot (maybe once a month, at the most), and they never tear me up. I think my naturalized diet has a lot to do with that.
That, or even farts don't to hang around with me.

 

[Shifty]

**News Flash**

This just in: Jalapeno shortage in the Armpit of Ohio !!!

A severely agitated man wearing nothing but a robe and slippers and shouting "Come On Baby Light My Fire!" repeatedly is reported to have bought out the entire town's supply of Jalapeno peppers today, leaving Mexican restaurateurs fuming.

"He was crazy ... insane!" one woman reported, asking that her name be withheld. "We asked him if he was ok and he told us that he needed to go home to 'feed the dragon'. Then he got all quiet like. He whispered 'I enjoy cooking' and ran off kicking and screaming! He was a sick fuck I tell you. A sick fuck!". The woman was subsequently treated for shock.

Grief counselors have been deployed to area grocery stores.

More at 11 on this developing story!

:flame:

 

[StanScratch]

My next rant:

Let's say, theoretically, you live in a small Ohio town. Tornado sirens are going off all around you. The wind is literally howling. The rain is coming down - and hard - and almost sideways.
Just a little bit of advice: Don't look at these surroundings and decide "Hey, I think I'll call the local Home Depot and see how much their burning bushes are".
Oh, and don't act like a jackass because the guy on the other end of the line won't go out in those conditions and check for you, especially if the guy offers to take your number and call you back after the storm subsides.
Fuckwits.

 

[StanScratch]

My next rant:

Let's say, theoretically, you live in a small Ohio town. Tornado sirens are going off all around you. The wind is literally howling. The rain is coming down - and hard - and almost sideways.
Just a little bit of advice: Don't look at these surroundings and decide "Hey, I think I'll call the local Home Depot and see how much their burning bushes are".
Oh, and don't act like a jackass because the guy on the other end of the line won't go out in those conditions and check for you, especially if the guy offers to take your number and call you back after the storm subsides.
Fuckwits.

 

[roronoa3000]

My next rant:

Let's say, theoretically, you live in a small Ohio town. Tornado sirens are going off all around you. The wind is literally howling. The rain is coming down - and hard - and almost sideways.
Just a little bit of advice: Don't look at these surroundings and decide "Hey, I think I'll call the local Home Depot and see how much their burning bushes are".
Oh, and don't act like a jackass because the guy on the other end of the line won't go out in those conditions and check for you, especially if the guy offers to take your number and call you back after the storm subsides.
Fuckwits.

You must really be pissed since you said it twice.

....wouldnt the rain put out the fire?